Music Review: Bohemian Rhapsody

Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

Well, I suppose I had to do it sometime. The most overrated song of all time, there we go, I said it, and I shall now prove why.

On the face of it this song looks promising, a nice simple album cover from a band who have the capability to produce a good song, that's when they're not trying to brown nose mainstream popularity and whoring out to their record label like a stereotypical pop band. It does all start to go wrong when you discover that this song was the most expensive song to record of all time, which puts a lot of pressure on it but also seems rather odd, I mean there is nothing particularly revolutionary about it, not like Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band that required an extensive recording, certainly more extensive than this. Especially as a rock band shouldn't really tamper with their music to make it sound artificial, the idea of rock is that it relies on its instruments to make the impact. So I'm not sure why this did, maybe they're not very good at playing their instruments. My second problem is that Queen have the barefaced cheek to classify this song as progressive rock, I mean forgive me if I'm wrong but for a song to be in that genre surely it has to progress, this song manages that for about a minute before going all over the place. For a song to properly progress it takes roughly around 8 minutes, this song is 6 minutes and so Queen are going to have to do a very good job to show me progression, or a good song for that fact, and certainly one that fits the genre.

The song begins nicely, with a good harmony, in fact the harmony sets the rest of the song up nicely. The piano and bass come in at the same time to create what is a ballad segment, a very good ballad segment, with Mercury's vocals following the piano and becoming increasingly powerful throughout the verse. At this point the song is showing good progression, the narrative, if a bit bland, is developing nicely and I'm certainly ready for the next segment. Oh but wait, its a guitar solo? Well that escalated quickly, it seems bizarre that a guitar solo appears halfway through, usually they're saved to the end because of that thing called progression. However here it is acting as a bridge, this final segment is going to be lengthy if the song is going to be in any way progressive. Traditionally a guitar solo is the culmination of the song which is followed by a rundown, an epilogue if you will. If this song culminates at three minutes, then oh dear.

We then arrive at a, I don't know what the hell it is, just random bullshit by the sound of it, with no context at all, if this is the rest of the song then Jesus Christ. Wait, now we're suddenly back to hard rock again which certainly juxtaposes the previous segment, badly, just making it sound poorly written, which it is, as progression has been thrown out the window here as for a song to be progressive it needs to progress, not switch to completely opposite genres with no warning at all and no bridge in between. Nothing cynical really occurs in the outro, but this progressive number still leaves me scratching my head, you just can't juxtapose conflicting genres effectively. Any change in genre must be dealt with progressively, not without notice or it sounds a bit crap.

Now comes the part where I analyze the lyrics, usually I do this with generic pop songs but this time the lyrics are actually written by the band themselves so might actually convey a meaning, we shall see:

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality

Okay these are interesting philosophical points that don't help the plot in any way, surely I need a premise before I can analyze these lyrics because at the moment it just seem like random drivel. It's also contradictory, if there is no escape from reality then why would you question if something was fantasy?

Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go
A little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me

There seems to be an early religious theme here, which doesn't bode well, I don't want a song about homosexuality, that's just self centered. Well we finally have a character, who doesn't want sympathy, noted. There's almost a paradox here that although there is no escape from reality the song seems to be set in a dreamy world, which I rather like, It really makes me wonder.

Mama, just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away 

Pulled my trigger indicates that there was possibly a gun fight, not that it particularly matters in the context, he's still murdered somebody and for that I'm giving him no sympathy just as he requested.

Mama, ooo
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

You didn't mean to make her cry so you murdered somebody, makes sense. I guess this murder may be metaphorical in reference to his sexuality, the man he killed could be himself, interesting.

Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

This doesn't really add anything to the song, it seems pretty self explanatory. This section just screams filler, which is a deadly sin in a progressive song, especially just a few minutes in.

Mama, ooo (anyway the wind blows)
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

It's all about him this song isn't it, I don't want to die. I'm starting to think Freddie Mercury is not the man everyone thinks he is, no he has to have the spotlight. Oh fuck me it's coming up to my favorite part.

I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening me
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo Figaro - magnifico

Mercury himself claimed that these lyrics were "random rhyming nonsense" which shows, just plucking words out the air, just why? I often criticize modern artists for just losing all creativity and singing random crap, but this is a grade-a pile of shit, no point in it at all. To be honest at least most shallow lyrics have some reference to the theme of the song, this doesn't, just as I thought it had a serious message, there isn't, it's just random bollocks. 

But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come easy go will you let me go
Bismillah! No we will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go let me go
Will not let you go let me go (never)
Never let you go let me go
Never let me go ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
For me

I know why nobody loves you, you murder people and then instead of giving your reasons you just spew out random bollocks that have nothing to do with anything. Just a poor boy, he knows about key figures in astronomy and Latin phrases, am I really expected to believe he wasn't aware of what he was doing, remember, no sympathy. This definitely gets repetitive towards the end, hardly lyrical perfection.

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh baby can't do this to me baby
Just gotta get out just gotta get right outta here

The genre switches, again, the song is definitely trying to be more clever than it actually is. I still find it funny that the protagonist is angry at other people, I mean it's not like he murdered anyone is it, I seem to recall a line saying no sympathy, and then when he gets no sympathy he complains, yes these lyrics are well thought out, definitely not hypocritical.

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters nothing really matters to me
Anyway the wind blows

It ends just like that, brilliant. The story has gone absolutely nowhere, making it pointless, there isn't even anything remotely to do with the plot or premise after the first verse. Couple this with the fact that half the song is nonsensical bullshit and you have a seemingly pointless song trying to be a lot better than it actually is, and somehow this gained a huge amount of popularity:

Alh1729 logged onto Amazon to say:

"I sent a list around to all of my friends and relatives. I had hundreds of votes for the song that everybody liked the best. Bohemian Rhapsody had about twenty more votes than any other song plus NOBODY checked the "i don't like this song" column. I was pleased with the results of my survey, seeing as how I love that song. It is really long, but it's awesome. From the slow, tearful "mama *ooooooh* i don't wanna die, but if i'm not back before this time tomororow, carry on..." to the upbeat "valamoosh" (i have no idea how to spell the sounds they make!) It's hard to pinpoint the power behind this song."

Christ you must really like this song to actually conduct a survey around it, that means your opinion is going to be completely unbiased. If you have an 'I don't like this song' column then you're not finding the best song, you're finding the most average song, so all you've discovered is that Bohemian Rhapsody is the most average song, which I agree with. 5 minutes isn't long, especially for a so called progressive number. I'll tell you why it's hard to pinpoint the power and that's because there isn't any. The momentum it does build up is soon lost by the sudden change in genre.

Mikkail Gorbhachev logged on Amazon to say:

"Bohemian rhapsody is Freddie Mercury at his best. This song has a lot of meaning to it, and a good twist of 70's Rock and opera-style singing.This song is definately worth listening to over and over again. And I have seen a few re-makes of this song, and let me tell you, accept nothing else but Queen.This CD is great!"

Well I've just proved this song has no meaning, even Mercury himself admitted that, and juxtaposing genres is never a good fusion.

In conclusion I am disappointed, when I came to review this song I thought I would be criticizing it for different things than what I usually use to criticize more modern artists, but I'm not. Unbelievably this song manages to fall short at what all the current generic pop songs fail at, trying to be something it can never possibly be. There certainly isn't any progression in the song and the lyrics mean absolutely nothing which means it becomes another generic pop song with shallow lyrics and poor execution which even a good soundtrack cannot save. Best song in the world, you've got to be kidding me.

Final Score: 5/10  **1/2