Music Review: Ariana Grande - Problem

Ariana Grande - Problem ft. Iggy Azalea

I know this song has been out for a while now, but for us folks here in jolly old Britain it has only just arrived and has gone instantly to number one, on a new chart that includes streaming figures, so at least there is some historical value to this review. Ariana Grande is an incredibly attractive young lady who looks about 12, this isn't really surprising as her babyface image helped her become a key staple of Nickelodeon and various Broadway shows, which will probably be a recipe for disaster. But she's finally ready to grow up a bit, let's hope not like a certain Miley Cyrus, and to help her she has enlisted mature Australian rapper Iggy Azalea, which you can tell because she says her own name every two fucking seconds. 

The first thing that got my attention when researching this song was the fact that it took four people to write, none of these where Ariana herself, which leads me to believe that this song will be the usual artificial crap that has come from the music industry over the past few years. If Ariana didn't write the song herself then it can't have any personal meaning, just the feelings of four different people. It doesn't improve things when you find out that one of the writers is the infamous Savan Kotecha who's resume includes amazing songs such as 'Beauty and A Beat' by Justin Beiber, come to think of it he might actually be the world's most evil man. Still, this doesn't stop Ariana from claiming that there is a personal meaning behind it, despite not writing a single word, as she was quoted to say the song represented "the feeling of being absolutely terrified to re-approach a relationship that's gone sour."Well I guess we're going to have to find out ourselves if that is true.

The first thing that instantly annoys me about this is the reliance on an unorthodox instrument to carry the song, we've been seeing this a few times over the past year and I wish it would stop, a saxophone has absolutely no place in this song, and although it's meant to make it sound unique, it really doesn't, it sounds crap. That's not the only thing they've tried to include, they seem to try everything, even if it doesn't fit, like the saxophone. The result of this is that the song ends up sounding like a rushed and crowded mess, this isn't helped by Ariana's barely understandable lyrics, she's almost yelling them and I really have to listen carefully to pick up a vague idea of what's going on. This really is a shame as I do like her voice and it should fit the song, but unfortunately it ends up becoming an annoyance, almost an interference from what could be a good song.

Iggy doesn't exactly help things with her endless annoying shout outs and rapping about anything that isn't relevant to the topic. The song doesn't particularly need her input, and she just appears to be there to make more money, which I hate. But to be fair to her she does bring some attitude to this almost sugarcoated song, it certainly doesn't lack energy, I just wish it would be put to better use. But it certainly isn't all bad, even I will admit that the tune is quite catchy, well up until the whispered chorus that kills any momentum the song was building up in a very anticlimactic fashion, and to be honest it was building up quite nicely with its basic yet effective pacing, but that climax never came and that's something I can't really forgive. The only thing the that can really boost this song is the lyrics, let's have a look at them now.

[Iggy:]
Uh huh!
It's Iggy Iggs!
I got one more problem with you girl
One less one less!
Problem

Hooray, the traditional rapper shout out, just in case you couldn't read. What a completely pointless thing to do, of course it's you, now get on with the fucking song.

Hey baby even though I hate ya!
I wanna love ya
I want you!
And even though I can't forgive you
I really want ta
I want you!

Oh these are complex, 'you' must be said about 15,000 times. Unfortunately this is one of those stupid relationships that will apparently still work even though they hate each other, I don't claim to be an expert on this but I'm pretty sure that isn't going to work, it's also not a great premise for a song.

Tell me, tell me baby
Why can't you leave me?
Cause even though I shouldn't want it
I gotta have it
I want you!

Now she has an obsession with the word 'it', stop repeating words so much, it really doesn't work. I also think she might still want him as well, not sure what gave me that impression.

Head in the clouds
Got no weight on my shoulders
I should be wiser
And realize that I've got

Wait first she wants him, now she doesn't. Make up your mind women for gods sake. Not really tackling any deep meanings yet, these are just bog standard lyrics.

[Big Sean:]
One less problem without ya!
I got!
One less problem without ya!
I got!
One less problem without ya! [Ariana Grande:]
I got one less, one less problem [Big Sean:]
One less problem without ya
I got!
One less problem without ya!
I got!
One less problem without ya! [Ariana Grande:]
I got one less, one less problem

Why, why, why would you do that? It's just really annoying, repeating the same fucking sentence over and over again, and it's just terrible songwriting. Am i seriously meant to believe that it took four people to write this song, they must have been about three years old. It just doesn't stop, and whispering it makes it even more fucking irritating. It's not as if it even has any significance, so why feel the need to keep repeating it? We get the message.

  I know you're never gonna wake up
I gotta give up
But it's you!
I know I shouldn't ever call back
Or let you come back
But it's you!
Every time you touch me
And say you love me
I get a little bit breathless
I shouldn't want it
But it's you!

(Chorus)

Here was me stupidly assuming there might be some variation, but no, it's just more of the same, and she's STILL repeating the same fucking words, unbelievable. I hope she knows she's not back at Nickelodeon, I thought you were meant to be growing up, so just please sing something different. 

[Iggy:]
It's Iggy Iggs!
Uh!
What you got?
Smart money bettin'
I'll be better off without you
In no time
I'll be forgettin' all about you
You saying that you know
But I really really doubt you
Understand my life is easy
When I ain't around you
Iggy Iggy
To biggie to be here stressin'
I'm thinkin' I love the thought of you
More than I love your presence

Good, finally something at least a little bit different. Or maybe not, as she rhymes 'you' with itself over and over again, it just doesn't stop. I thought Iggy might bring a bit of diversity to an otherwise tame song but she's just making the problem worse. It may just be saved by an interesting final line that at least gives us some insight into the situation on a deeper level, she might not actually be in love with him but rather in love with love itself, if you catch my drift. That must be the first line with any meaning throughout the whole song, we finally got there.

 And the best thing now
Is probably for you to exit
I let you go
Let you back
I finally learned my lesson!
No half-stepping
Either you want it or you just playin'
I'm listening to you knowin'
I can't believe what you're sayin'
There's a million you's baby boo
So don't be dumb
I got 99 problems
But you won't be one
Like what!

(Chorus)

Nice Jay-Z rip off there, don't think it's really necessary either, it doesn't add anything to the song. This is really just generic hip hop lyrics, nothing really special about any of it. That sums up the lyrics in a nutshell, nothing noteworthy occurs throughout, and it just repeats the same point over and over again. At the end of the song I just end up thinking that I really don't care, and good lyrics should make me care about the song because they should engage with me on a personal level. Yes the song is catchy, and it does end up stuck in your head, but at the end of the day it just feels so artificial and very unpolished. I guess those four writers didn't exactly help much.

Final Rating: 5/10   **1/2