Morons of the Internet: Samuel Tyler

This is the segment where I scour my favorite forums around the internet and find some particularly interesting articles about current affairs told in the words of my favorite human beings.

In this edition we have the author of a student newspaper who thinks issues that are simply trivial will cause an almighty scandal inside his own Student's Union, claiming it's their egos that prevent him from using the library for 24 hour periods. Oh no.
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http://thetab.com/uk/soton/2015/10/19/susu-are-serving-their-own-egos-before-students-61896
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Oh the humanity. Imagine not being allowed into a university library because it closes at determined hours every evening. I couldn't imagine such an atrocity since I chose to attend a university that has a 24 hour library system operating every weekday, although when it closes at a specified time at the weekend I'm often inundated with an outpouring of emotion from the poor souls who have been mentally tormented by such a barbaric policy. The people of course that are often in the library at stupid hours are the ones who couldn't fit their sexual love of reading Jeremy Paxman's latest tome on how Margaret Thatcher influenced the fish economy of South-East Namibian trade routes into the hours of the day, and so hope that returning at quieter hours will minimise the shame. Opening later just means that those students can masturbate over these books without a large number of students judging them for being pretty weird, and so for sane people like me I have to wonder what all this fuss is over. I get that a 24 hour library service is a benefit that a select few universities get, and if that was such a big issue then you should have chosen a university that had a 24 hour library service. That's the beauty of the UCAS application process, so honestly you can fuck off if you think you're an oppressed student solely because the library doesn't stay open for a few more hours.

Wait, are we now having a go at the Student's Union for doing essentially what their job is? Surely as representatives of the student population they have every right to get annoyed if a decision that directly affects student life is made without their consultation. I'm sure if the university decided to fund a statue of a homosexual being beaten to death by a cardboard cutout of Margaret Thatcher then you would have a go at them for not intervening, so whatever the scenario the Student's Union will always be the enemy in your eyes. I'd say this slander is very harsh considering they haven't done anything drastically wrong, only delaying a decision over your beloved library, which as far as I'm concerned has nothing to do with massaging their egos. Your article on the other hand does appear to be massaging your ego, and the result is a piece of so called journalism that makes you sound like an entitled bellend.

All through the article you moan at the Student's Union, when in reality they probably have a far better insight into the workings of the university than you ever will. Unlike you there may be other students that don't feel the need to extend the library opening hours as they understand that's a costly process that will divert money away from other vital areas of the university, diminishing it's status as a top university; which may I add is also debatable. It's evidently clear that the demand for work outside of examination periods does not exceed that of the costs required for the 24 hour operation, so why would the student union support a policy that only catered for the minority of students who feel it necessary to masturbate over historical papers at stupid hours? You can hide your lack of insight through weak satire all you want, and I'm sure that light whimsy greatly impressed the conservative population of Southampton who read ill informed shit in student newspapers, but the irony is that just like the Student's Union you keep moaning about, your argument fails to go into any detail either, showing you too have a lack of knowledge about the workings of a library.

Yeah if I was you I would of tactically forgotten about how Dominoes Pizza boxes were left in vast quantities around the library. I've often heard Southampton referred to as a place that stores a lot of rubbish, but if there was any evidence that opening the library for 24 hours would make a positive impact on the university then this isn't it. The issues about cleaning that you clearly stated were non-existent are obviously horseshit, as even by your own admission there were a 'countless' number of leftover pizza boxes that hadn't been cleaned away. If I had control over a prestigious library, which obviously wouldn't be the one in Southampton as it looks like a Victorian cotton mill, then I wouldn't like the idea of it being turned into a glorified seating area for a classless takeaway joint. For this reason I can understand why the university has an issue over this supposed 'lack of adequate food and drink facilities' because it's become apparent that the students of Southampton are vermin attracted to cheap pizza.

And now we finally hit the big issue, which of course is money. The 'Safety Bus', which sounds like something out of a children's TV show and not a university funded scheme, does indeed cost a lot of money to operate. I'd say that a large investment that directly affects students would be of a concern to the Student's Union, and their intervention should hardly be something to cry for attention about over the internet. I know the author of this article might be a bit insecure, but maybe they can cure that by posting constantly pointless selfies all over Facebook, or maybe going clubbing on their own. Just anything so I don't have to read them whinging about a Student's Union doing their bloody jobs. Maybe the Student's Union should readdress 'our' problem as just yours, although of course like the library nobody would vote on telling you to 'fuck off ' as nobody cares about your worthless opinion. It's just a referendum, so stop having a tantrum about not being allowed to vigorously masturbate over literature in the library for certain hours.

As a student you should be concerned about drinking and safe sex, not what time the fucking library is open. It's obvious that the Student's Union cannot cater to everyone, so why should it bother with costly processes that will benefit a select few? If this library issue really is so important then I'm sure the Student's Union will happily pass the proposal, but until then they should be telling workaholics like you to 'fuck off'. Stop crying about pointless issues in the local paper, as it makes you look like an internet twat.