Top 10 Children's TV Shows

Children's TV may claim to be educational, but I'm pretty sure it has as much impact as rubbing an encyclopedia on their head. Still, it didn't stop me from watching hour upon hour of this stuff. Some of it may have worked, but the majority just scarred me for life. Here are some that just missed the list:

Blue Peter: The classic. A serious TV show for kids who might actually want to learn something, in its own unique British way.
Play School: The original. Who knew dolls could be so influential?
The Hoobs: Wake up early enough and this was your reward on Channel 4. The symbiotic relationship between 'Hoobs' and humans made this so enjoyable.
In The Night Garden: Watch this for 20 minutes and it will ruin your life, nothing makes any sense. But my god are the hooks in those songs memorable.
Trumpton: "Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub". A beautiful line there that will stay with anyone forever.

#10 Spongebob Squarepants (1999-Present)

'Spongebob Squarepants' will probably go down as one of the most popular cartoons in history, after being at the forefront of Nickelodeon for almost a decade. It tells the story of a talking sponge with impeccable dress sense, and follows his antics around the fictional underwater village of 'Bikini Bottom'. 'Spongebob Squarepants' is rather special when compared to other children's TV shows, I feel it can be watched by both children and adults, in fact I wouldn't mind watching an episode right now, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I did recently watch the film, which certainly has its moments. The secret to its success lies in the quirky and colorful cast that include the likes of 'Patrick', a touching tribute to Jade Goodie, and the evil 'Plankton', who sort of represents a used tampon. The fun, and often mature characters are great fun to watch, and with the entertaining storylines can instantly cheer you up.

It's a shame that it really is Nickelodeon's only good show, the rest of the schedule is just filled with tedious crap, and so it's a nice surprise that 'Spongebob' and the gang repeatedly appear in good episodes. I just have to admit that I hate all this internet attention it's getting, with annoying sequences such as 'The Campfire Song' getting widespread coverage, which unfortunately makes me feel that this show may be slightly overrated. Not that the kids really care though.

#9 Fireman Sam (1987-2005)

I will personally admit that I viewed this man as a god when I was a kid, he would just instantly save the day when anything mildly inconvenient happened in sleepy Welsh villages. That sleepy Welsh village happens to be the legendary 'Pontypandy', which you can view in its full glory in the TV show and the excellent video game, although I would give the newer episodes a miss since the producers have fallen into the trap of expanding too much, and so all the new characters are just pathetic, soulless, cheap replicas of the famous firefighter. After all the classic episodes are just brilliant, with everything that can possibly go wrong going wrong in every episode. You name it and Sam has probably dealt with it, everything from mining disasters to pizza oven fires.

My favorite character though is the legendary villain, 'Naughty Norman Price', whos antics quickly become the highlight of many action packed episode. The show also has the benefit of teaching kids about fire safety, which it does by showing kids genuinely tragic moments, and through intricate character relationships, which makes Pontypandy seem like a rougher version of Eastenders, just with better storylines. 

#8 Bananas In Pyjamas (1992-2001)

Possibly the most stupid, yet brilliant idea of all time. The person who came up with this must have been an utter genius, and he was even Australian. It's pretty self explanatory really, they're banana's that wear pyjamas, and it fucking works, it's great fun to watch. I never thought I would witness bananas cocking around with giant rats and teddybears in what must be the most fucked up neighborhood ever, but I'm glad I did, as their fun antics and entertaining storylines kept me going for hours, even if I did feel a bit patronized. The standout moment though is the theme tune, it just makes the programme. Trust me as soon as you hear that hook, it will never leave your mind.

#7 The Tweenies (1999-Present)

What the fuck where these things? More importantly, why the fuck did I tune in every day to watch them cock around? Just look at them, it's like seeing the children of humanity trying to recover after a nuclear holocaust. If I remember correctly it consisted of Bella, the resident bitch who has to always be better than everyone else, who is visible on the far left. Then there's Milo, the racial stereotype. Fizz, the pre slut stage girl who has no personality at all, and finally Jake, the kid with learning difficulties who's always slower than the rest. But this cast made for some brilliant storylines, and it was all dictated by 'The Tweeny Clock', which really belongs in a dystopian novel, as it commands 'The Tweenies' on what they must do next, in a sort of 'Big Brother' style, except this is actually very entertaining.

It has been going through a rough patch recently, and a poorly timed Jimmy Saville joke didn't exactly help things, which really has to be seen to be believed. The rest is just an assortment of hideously bright colors and tedious storylines. But I still love it. It never once got annoying, and you would always leave with a huge smile on your face. However, they are the sort of characters that you would just love to punch in the face.

#6 Bob The Builder (1999-Present)

This man is not just the legend of children's TV, but also the main event of the primary school disco. Fuck the 'macarena', when this guy was blaring out of the speakers you knew the party had begun. This wasn't surprising, the song managed to get to number one in the charts, which is very impressive for a children's TV theme, and also blew the minds of kids all over the country by asking 'can Bob really fix it?' Of course if you were one of the hard kids at the disco then you would always shout "no he can't" after the hook. Break out your shitty break-dancing moves after that and the pussy would form an orderly queue. It's safe to say that many primary school romances where made and broken to this absolute beast of a tune.

Once you get passed the awesome soundtrack you're actually left with a very good show, packed full of interesting down to earth characters that are instantly relatable and impossible to dislike. My favorite has to be 'Lofty', who resembles a person with down syndrome, and also happens to be scared of just about anything. I wouldn't be surprised if the loose cannon turned out to be a schizophrenic, which would certainly put an interesting spin on things. But there's something so masculine about watching this show, it really does get the testosterone flowing. It's basically pornography for toddlers, with butch, oiled up diggers to gawp at. I really wouldn't be surprised if I did manage to crack one out to this, although I would feel a bit guilty afterwards. 

#5 Thomas The Tank Engine (1984-Present)

There's something slightly scary about a talking engine that refuses to stop smiling, you just get the sense that at any moment it might start chatting up the children who are waiting to get on. It doesn't help that he lives on 'The Island of Sodor', in which all transport talks, which when you think about it is fucking terrifying. But what makes it worse is that there are villainous trains as well. Diesel 10, who is the main bad guy, has this ominous presence of sheer evil, and just the thought of him made me shit my pants when I saw the film in the cinema. Of course then I didn't realise he could be defeated by just running away, but I've never looked at trains the same way since.

The rest of the cast are a fun and eclectic mix of varying personalities, and with each new series they seem to rapidly expand, which is a shame as they don't all fit in the unbelievably catchy title sequence. 'Thomas' even has some star power going for him, the original few series were narrated by Ringo Starr, who admittedly is the worst Beatle, but that still makes him an absolute legend. I don't care where you live, no other children's TV show has that amount of star power, and his narrations coupled with some slick animation made this show a must see for any children. This is just great quality viewing that's still going strong today.  

#4 Postman Pat (1981-Present)

This innocent postman has seen just about everything, he was even bummed whilst stuck in a tree in one episode, which is a bit insulting considering that a puppet has had a more entertaining life than myself. In fact Pat has probably had a more entertaining life than any person on the planet, as he seems to do everything in the most useless town of all time. But mainly it's about delivering the fucking post in the town of Greendale, with a black and white cat. What a legend. He's just so brilliantly British, he lacks any charisma, but his charming averageness wins you over despite the fact that his lips don't even move. It really is edge of your seat stuff, such mundane tasks become epic cliffhangers, and delivering post becomes the most exciting thing about life itself.

Pat has unfortunately fallen for the evil disease known as 'diversity' in recent years, and beloved characters are being fazed out by minorities to please everyone, because children obviously really care about inclusion. It still contains some classic moments, but I feel most of the magic has been lost. Although that may have something to do with the fact that I no longer view the postal service in a god like manner, as it really isn't as exciting as this show makes it out to be. It's a shame then that I grew out of this, but I cannot deny that this is a brilliant show, one for the kid still inside me.

#3 Arthur (1996-Present)

Schooldays only meant one thing to me, the fact that 'Arthur' would be on when I got home. I used to love the sound of the bell, the signal that meant I could bolt out of the gate and come home to be entertained by this wisecracking aardvark. Who can forget legendary moments such as the epic 'library card song', that really must go down as one of TV's greatest all time greatest moments. That isn't all, it's also full of wit and humor with serious brains to back up all the great storylines that never once got repetitive. The diverse range of characters that are based on animals are also great fun to watch, and almost become a vision of reality, despite being cartoon representations of inhuman organisms. I don't really have much else to say about this, it's just made so much better than anything else on this list, just a genuinely good TV show.

#2 The Wombles (1973-1975)

There's something so brilliantly shit about 'The Wombles', something you don't quite get with any other show. It's something that both adults and children can enjoy, and it's also something bloody brilliant. The programme centers around a fictitious mammalian species as they forage for litter around Wimbledon Common, which is still the only significant thing to have ever happen there, and definitely not the tennis. It's hard to think of more charismatic puppets, 'The Wombles' really are rockstars. They've even had their own christmas number one single, which was so brilliantly bad, and probably helped lead to their demise just two short years later.

It really doesn't come as a surprise that these guys were the heroes of their day. Why did I have to grow up with the generation that worshiped fucking Harry Potter? I would have loved to have idolized 'The Wombles', but now they just belong in the past. They really are legends of television who beacme an iconic part of the 1970's. Unfortunately for them they were 1970's BBC stars, which means they will probably turn out to be pedophiles. In fact this show is now the only show the BBC are allowed to broadcast from the 1970's.

#1 Sesame Street (1969-Present)

 

How could it possibly be anything else? If you don't enjoy this as a child then something is seriously wrong with you. There is nothing that comes anywhere near the caliber of this programme on children's TV, it really has blown the minds of children for decades all around the world. But for me, what makes this programme is the 'Cookie Monster'. He is quite possibly the greatest TV character of all time, and he simply is just a monster that likes eating cookies. How fucking awesome is that. But it's not just him, there's the brilliant 'Count Von Count' who can help you to count, or probably best known for being in some truly hilarious family guy sketches. The rest of the cast isn't quite on the same level, but they still make for an epic show.

It really is amazing that this show has gone all these years without a single serious competitor. But it all makes sense when you watch just one episode, it's just so much better than anything else. It's embarrassing when you compare it to 'Barney The Dinosaur', which has really been its only competitor. Although I wouldn't really call an annoying purple bastard who baits children with disabilities a competitor, he's not even close. Yes it may be slightly going downhill in recent years, but they're still able to tackle adult themes, such as gluttony and death, and yet produce some hilarious plots that just make the show ridiculously entertaining.