Top 10 Best Video Game Launch Titles

Often games that are shipped with new consoles seem superficial and only there to make some profit. They may claim to show the capabilities of the new system, but often in reality that just isn't the case. But there are some genuinely great titles that have come with new consoles, and this is my personal top ten favorites.

#10 Wii Sports (Nintendo Wii) (2006) (8/10)

The ultimate Wii game, that also happened to be the title packed with the original launch of the console, and face it, the first game you played on your Wii was the tennis, don't even pretend otherwise. This game has always been reserved for those awkward family moments when the conversation has run dry and you need to kill some time. Everybody just loves tennis or bowling, whether your 2 or 102. To be fair it's also a good game in its own right, there's not a lot to it, but in terms of replay value it's off the fucking chart, which is amazing considering that this is essentially just a glorified tech demo. I challenge you as a person to not have a good time whilst playing this, doesn't matter how many times you play it, it's always a great fun, even for the hardcore gamers.

It may not be everyone's idea of gaming perfection but people seem to like it, after all it's the second best selling game of all time, racking up 82.5 million sales. You have to ask yourself whether the Wii would have the same appeal today if it wasn't for this game, and would it have the same success if it was packed with the crappy 'Wii Play'. The Wii U didn't launch with an iconic sports game like this one and look how that ended up. It's a shame the only legacy this game will ever leave behind is the millions of bad copycats that have followed with the motion based controls in recent years. Unfortunately the majority of them are absolutely awful, and don't even deserve any credit. It still seems strange that there was once a time when motion based gaming looked like the future, maybe that would have worked if more games where like this.

#9 SSX (PlayStation 2) (2000) (8/10)

From the people who don't understand mnemonics comes this bad boy. Yes 'SSX' stands for 'Snowboard Supercross'. But I didn't really care about that when I was hurtling down virtual mountains as a kid, all I cared about was performing a bad ass trick to some hardcore techno beats. I've always loved this arcade approach to the genre, and this radical approach on an already awesome sport. It always has been, and always will be some of the best fun you can get out of any game, even its recent sequels have their odd moments, even if they still leave a lot to be desired.

If I were to describe this game in one word it would be 'smooth', everything from the graphics to the gameplay is just exciting, yet fluid and precise. It's a great idea in theory, and when you couple that with the technical power of the PS2 you get a fantastic game. I would still argue that this lighthearted take on sports was the most realistic simulation of a real life event at that time, which is hard to imagine when you spend most of the time gawping at the beautiful landscape at about 7000mph. 'Tricky' may have been a better overall game, but don't take anything away from this classic. I would still like to think that it contributed a significant amount to the success of the world's best selling console, but sales figures don't back that up. It seems a lot of people missed out on a great time.
 
#8 Project Gotham Racing 3 (Xbox 360) (2005) (8/10)

In the very crowded racing genre there is that one series that has a cult status that never reflected its sales. It always got great reviews but got left in the wake of much larger franchises like 'Gran Turismo', and was therefore subsequently ignored. 'Project Gotham Racing' is that series, and I feel it's one of the most underrated franchises in history. Sure it may not have the depth of other racing simulators, and there isn't a wide selection of cars, but it makes up for this with its unique charm, and its refreshing arcade style. It's a lot more fast paced than other racers, but still never loses that feeling of realism. It's such a good game to play, and I'd happily spend many hours racing the same old tracks over and over. Just a shame that it's been forgotten in the history books, it was easily the best 360 launch title.

#7 F-Zero (SNES) (1992) (9/10)

This is the origin of one of gaming's most coveted features. Yes in this groundbreaking game we got our first glimpse at 'Captain Falcon'. This game is just such a classic, and has even been re-released on the Wii U with updated graphics. But for me, nothing will ever get close to the original, with its forward thinking design and original approach to the racing genre. Until that time the majority of racers had been poor attempts at a realistic simulation, but when this futuristic title came along it blew them apart with just how good it was.

Like any good console launch title, this game showed the full capability of the revolutionary SNES. It showed gamers that the graphics didn't always have to be 2D, and even though these are not fully 3D, they're still pretty damn close, and a work of art at that. My favorite part though is the music, which is irresistibly brilliant. The retro and catchy beats accompany the game perfectly, you just try completing a lap of 'Mute City' without singing along. The tracks are also masterfully created, but nothing too complex, just solid track designing that contributes to a great overall experience. My only complaint would be the lack of multiplayer, which I feel was sorely needed, but apart from that this is the ultimate futuristic full-blooded racer. 

#6 Forza Motorsport 5 (Xbox One) (2013) (9/10)

The only entrant from the latest generation of consoles, and that's because the rest of the launch titles were pretty poor. It was the sixth installment in the greatest racing franchise of all time, and in my opinion was the only game to show the updated aesthetic and online capabilities of the Xbox One. Like any good Forza it sticks to its core elements, and that is driving. When you've stopped gawping at the cars you get what might just be the best racing simulation of all time, and with over 200 cars to choose from it never gets old.

I wouldn't say it was the best in the franchise though, I much prefer four, as that added another 400 or so cars to choose from. But apart from loosing some variety the series is the same as usual, just with an extra lick of paint. I also think this game introduced the greatest AI system of all time. The 'Drivatar' system manages to record your racing style and then transfer that data into bots, meaning your opponents in single player are now just copies of your friends, it's truly mindblowing. And with the voices of 'Top Gear' to narrate you along, and exceptional multiplayer, it really has become the ultimate driving game.

#5 Super Mario 64 (Nintendo 64) (1997) (9/10)

Often considered one of the big landmarks in gaming history, this was the moment when Mario went 3D. The results are clear, we have a classic looking Mario game, just with the feeling of an open world game. It's the idea of this unprecedented freedom that makes me, and everyone else, like this game so much, and at the time it was a brave and forward thinking move that could've made or broken the 'Mario' franchise, a gamble that thankfully payed off. It payed off in style as well, 11 million copies have been sold to date, making it the best selling game on the system. It also helps that it's considered one of the greatest of all time, that almost certainly cemented its legacy.

The pressure that this game must have been under was surely immense, it was one of only two launch titles for the Nintendo 64. The other was 'Pilotwings 64', which to be fair was also a very good game, and it needed to be given the lack of content the console shipped with. Modern games have this huge gamble to thank, as this potential for massive and diverse 3D worlds was now possible. We'd already seen it make the rather tame series of Mario into a dynamic and believable environment, and so this opened all kinds of doors for developers all over the world. So thank you Super Mario 64, thank you for being brilliant.

#4 SoulCalibur (SEGA Dreamcast) (1999) (9/10)

The 'Dreamcast' ended up as a largely forgotten console, this was mainly due to the lack of quality and quantity of successful or iconic games, but that didn't mean they were all awful. Take 'Soul Calibur' as an example, that turned out to be one of the greatest fighting games of all time. It ended up being the only reason you would ever consider buying a 'Dreamcast' over the other significantly better competitors. It's also the only title on this list that is actually a remake, the original was for  arcade machines, making this a damn fine port of an already brilliant game.

But you ask me what makes 'SoulCalibur' so special? And the simple answer to that is everything. From its weapon based combat to its fluid and well designed gameplay, this is simply one hell of a fighting game. It's successors would never really add anything else to the original, and their features are nowhere near as polished as this classic. 'SoulCalibur' excels at making the otherwise average 'Dreamcast' look absolutely amazing, which of course it wasn't, but you can thank this game for at least giving it a fighting chance in the competitive market, but even this masterpiece couldn't carry the whole company.

#3 Super Mario Bros. (NES) (1987) (9/10)

I may have rambled on about this game a few times before, but for the hell of it let's do it again. I mean let's face it, what didn't this game do? It's the birth of the sidescroller, which would dominate the market for years to come. It was the first video game to sell successfully on a global scale. And it saved the video game industry from going bust. So in all we have a lot to thank this piece of ingenuity for. But don't think its on here for purely influential reasons, it's also a brilliant game, and the first game that was worth buying. This stroke of genius not only saved the gaming industry, but also made Nintendo, in fact they're still probably smiling at that royalty cheque every year.

It sold in the millions, and until Wii Sprts came along was the best selling game of all time, and has now surpassed 40 million copies, which is only slightly less than the album 'Thriller'. You really can't argue with this being on the list, everyone loves Mario, and everybody enjoys playing this iconic game, and a major piece of gaming's history.  

#2 Halo: Combat Evolved (Xbox) (2002) (9/10)

If the Xbox was summed up in one picture, it would be the one above. This would be the first of many games that would define Microsoft's place in the video game industry, although this one is probably the biggest. Of course we all know this is the game that introduced us to 'Master Chief', and the first game with a proper multiplayer mode, it was still before Xbox Live, but multiplayer became a key feature of games after this launched. The success of the game is down to it being one of the all time great shooters, and in my opinion the greatest console exclusive in history, and it certainly made Microsoft the company they are today, no question about that. Without wishing to sound like a broken record I will finish by saying that this influential and successful game sealed the reputation of the console in question, making it an outstanding launch title, in an outstanding franchise. 

#1 Tetris (Gameboy) (1990) (10/10)

Not only is this the best launch title of all time, it might well be the greatest game of all time. I seriously can't think of anything that gets as close to gaming perfection as this. Inventor Alexey Pajitnov is a legendary name in my opinion, it's his simple yet brilliant idea that makes this game so fun to play. It's a game that is also both easy and accessible to play, yet hard to master, thanks to its unbeatable premise, which allows the game to be both challenging and engaging. With amazing gameplay and an iconic soundtrack, this never gets boring, and you can play it absolutely anywhere you like for however long you want.

It's just perfection on a portable console. Not even next gen consoles with all that extra power and online capabilities can create something even as remotely interesting as this was. And has there ever been a better soundtrack in any other game? I don't think so. Everything about it is precise and effective soviet engineering, with no fancy gimmicks, only relying on a simple idea and a work of genius to make it as the greatest of all time.

Golden Joystick Awards 2014

The Golden Joystick Awards are one of the most prestigious nights in the gaming calendar, and so I thought I would add my personal opinion on the proceedings. I will be covering the most significant awards, and as they're voted for by the public I will undoubtedly be moaning about the majority. But hey, at least we got some comedy from Ed Byrne before the show, always a bonus.

Best Original Game

Previous Winner: New Award
Nominees: Broken Age, Child Of Light, DayZ, Device 6, Don't Starve, Monument Valley, Nidhogg,
OlliOlli, Resogun, SHovel Knight, The Stanley Parable, Tearaway, Titanfall, Towerfall
Ascension, Transistor, Valiant Hearts, Watch Dogs, The Wolf Among Us

3rd: Don't Starve
2nd: The Stanley Parable
1st: DayZ

This was the first award of the night, and also one of the most intriguing. I like the fact that this section has got its own category as I feel developers are commonly just rehashing old franchises for profit in recent years. New ideas deserve a lot of respect, and when they come together to make a good result they should be rewarded with awards like these. 'DayZ' rather predictably won, and in doing so produced what may be the least enthusiastic winner ever, or maybe it was just snobbery. I do have a problem with this result, mainly because the definition of the word 'original' is "the first or earliest." DayZ is not the first or earliest, the standalone game, which has been nominated here, originated from an 'Arma 2' mod, and so I don't think the standalone game deserves to qualify.

I do think 'Titanfall' deserved a top three, that game at least had the potential to revolutionize a genre, and so I think it deserved more credit than it actually got. DayZ is no doubt a great concept, but in terms of originality the award has to go to 'The Stanley Parable', which isn't really my type of game, but a deserved winner anyway.

Best Storytelling

Previous Winner: The Last of Us
Nominees: Broken Age, Child Of Light, Device 6, The Last Of Us: Left Behind, Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes, Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, The Stanley Parable, South Park: The Stick Of Truth, Tearaway, Valiant Hearts: The Great War, The Wolf Among Us, Wolfenstein: The New Order

3rd: South Park: The Stick of Truth
2nd: The Wolf Among Us
1st: The Last of Us: Left Behind

There are some great storylines in contention for this one, the outcome was of no surprise, and to be fair it probably deserved to win. Every critic seems to love 'The Last of Us', and it seems so do the public. I thought Assassin's Creed deserved some credit, I loved the story in that one, and it was almost the saving grace of an otherwise decent game. That didn't even get a nomination, instead it got one in every other category. Add 'Wolfenstein' and 'The Stanley Parable' for my top three, as they contained some excellent storytelling. The storyline in South Park wasn't anything special, and didn't even merit a nomination in my opinion.

Best Visual Design

Previous Winner: BioShock Infinite
Nominees: Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag, Child Of Light, Contrast, Device 6, Destiny, Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, Don't Starve, Hearthstone, Hitman GO, Infamous Second Son, Killzone: Shadow Fall, Kinect Sports Rivals, Mario Kart 8, Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes, Monument Valley, Resogun, Ryse, South Park: The Stick Of Truth, Tearaway, Thief, Transistor, Valiant Hearts

3rd: South Park: The Stick of Truth
2nd: Destiny
1st: Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag

It may have seemed the obvious choice to award the victory to 'Assassin's Creed', and after all there are some very nice visuals in the game, especially on next gen consoles. But I couldn't help notice a few poor textures lying around in my playthrough, and although there is nothing wrong with the graphics overall, there isn't anything forward thinking about them either, we've seen it all before in previous 'Assassin's Creed' games, and so in terms of design it was nothing special. 'South Park' was a mindblowing choice, how that was even in contention was beyond me. The graphic are nothing new, they just rehash the rusty and basic South Park animation formula, and it never once looks special. The visuals are underwhelming from start to finish, and never once produced a moment that looked aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

I agree with 'Destiny' being placed second, it looked really good, better than 'Assassin's Creed' in my opinion. The solid gameplay came through the impressive visuals, and although the formula was pretty standard, it still looked and felt great. My nomination would be 'Ryse', I genuinely thought that looked absolutely amazing. The framerate was solid, and although the gameplay was lacking in some areas, the visuals looked stunning. For me this game showed everyone the capability and power of the next gen consoles, and that is why I think it should have won this category.

Best Audio

Previous Winner: New Award
Nominees: Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag, The Banner Saga, Battlefield 4, Broken Age, Destiny, Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, Forza Motorsport 5, The Legend Of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds, Mario Kart 8, Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes, Super Mario 3D World, Tearaway, Thief, Transistor, The Wolf Among Us

3rd: Transistor
2nd: Battlefield 4
1st: Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag

A category that 'Assassin's Creed' always does well in, and rightfully so. The franchise's music composition is always a mile above any other game. This year was no exception, and once again Ubisoft treated us with another brilliant soundtrack, and the welcome addition of sea shanties, which were expertly produced. But best audio implies that both score and effects need to be taken into account, and the inclusion of 'Battlefield 4' seems to prove this, it's musical score was absolutely dreadful, but its sound effects were fantastic. For this reason I would give the award to 'Destiny', it has both an amazing score and sound effects which have been expertly put together. I know 'Destiny' isn't the most popular game, but I do think it deserves a lot more credit than people are giving it.

Best Multiplayer

Previous Winner: PayDay 2
Nominees: Battlefield 4, Call Of Duty: Ghosts, Killer Instinct, Kinect Sports Rivals, Lego Marvel Super Heroes, Mario Kart 8, Nidhogg, Plants vs Zombies: Garden Warfare, Sportsfriends, Super Mario 3D World, Titanfall, Trials Fusion, Towerfall Ascension, Ultra Street Fighter IV, Watch Dogs

3rd: MarioKart 8
2nd: Titanfall
1st: Battlefield 4

There was also an award for the best online game, but to me these areas are very similar and should probably be merged into one. Whether people like it or not this award could become a very significant prize in years to come with the shift of video games to more online capabilities, but we still only have nominations from the more traditional cooperative games this year, so there was only going to be one winner. Last year they gave the award to 'Payday 2', which was just absurd, considering there wasn't anything revolutionary or different about the multiplayer, and it added absolutely nothing to the actual game. The only reason you would join a multiplayer game was to get away from the horrendous and borderline unplayable AI from single player. But at least this year their was a worthy winner.

The result does show the hatred of gamers towards 'Call of Duty'. If 'Battlefield' wins then surely 'Call of Duty' deserves a nearby finish, as they're practically the same, except that maybe COD is more accessible to casual gamers. I would personally give the award to 'Titanfall', since that game is solely based around the idea of multiplayer, and what they're trying to do is far more forward thinking than just rehashing a similar system from an old franchise. Face it, the multiplayer is the saving grace of 'Battlefield 4', and although I'm not going to complain about it winning, did it really deserve to win if the multiplayer was exactly the same as last years outing?

Gaming Personality:

The gaming personality was obviously won by 'PewDiePie', as I suppose it couldn't really go to anyone else. I don't agree with this decision as I personally find his content rather poor, and I think his style encourages the making of poor games on purpose in order to get coverage from him, like 'Goat Simulator'. However it was nice to see Charlie Brooker getting a nomination, who is one of my favorite comedians, and is never ashamed to admit that he's a big gamer. I'm also glad that Anita Sarkeesian ended up losing as well, since she is a blight on the whole gaming industry and then blames other people on her own failings. I'm glad that lying and misleading your own viewers is not rewarded here, although she will probably use this defeat to claim that the patriarchy caused this, citing no information but herself in that claim. So I can't complain too much about this category, it was almost a moral victory for gamers, but it still doesn't make me like the people voting.

Studio of The Year:

Telltale picked up third, which is a great achievement for a company who just make episodic games. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, if anything I think their unique approach is what got them this prestigious position. It is a well deserved third with two standout titles coming from their studios this year, including the critics favorite 'The Walking Dead'. I only hope they continue this run of good form as they go onto their 'Game of Thrones' project, which I'm praying will be excellent. Second went to Blizzard, who in my opinion are the most overrated developer of all time, and this result proves that. It's also surprising considering they released one game this year, which was the well received 'Hearthstone', but that's it, hardly a good output. But the winners were Ubisoft Montreal, which is a decision nobody can argue with really. With 'Watchdogs' and 'Assassin's Creed' both coming out this year, it's been a stellar year for the French Canadian developer. It just had to be them.

Game of The Year

Previous Winner: Grand Theft Auto V

Nominees: Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag, Battlefield 4, Dark Souls II, Destiny, Device 6, Hearthstone, The Legend Of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds, Mario Kart 8, Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes, Resogun, South Park: The Stick Of Truth, Super Mario 3D World, Tearaway, Titanfall, Towerfall Ascension, Watch Dogs, The Wolf Among Us, Wolfenstein: The New Order

3rd: Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag

2nd: Hearthstone

1st: Dark Souls 2

This is a big, big surprise. It's also very interesting considering that this game was barely nominated for any other award, yet alone winning them. Surely if the awards cover a wide range of elements that contribute to make a great video game then this should have at least picked up a few. The only impression I got from this is that this game doesn't excel at anything, and so why should it be the best game of the year? I don't think it deserved it either, the impression I got from reviewers is that it was good, not excellent, and certainly not award caliber. There have been some brilliant games released this year and so the fact that best game award goes to an overrated and mediocre franchise is not the right decision.

You will surely be asking what would have been my pick. Well unfortunately you'll have to wait for my best games of the year list in a few months time, so watch this space.

Top 10 Video Game Protagonists

#10 Sonic The Hedgehog (Sonic The Hedgehog)

Best Outings: Sonic the Hedgehog (8/10), Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (8/10)

Let's face it, Sonic is a bit of a bellend. He may be able to run moderately quickly for a hedgehog, but he can't really do much else. I wouldn't necessarily call him a gaming hero, but to say he wasn't iconic would be untrue. I will also say that his games are also somewhat samey, just him running through similarly designed levels at break neck speed gets a bit boring after a while. But there really is no denying that Sonic has become a legendary character in the history of gaming, and has always been SEGA's little posterhog.

What you get with Sonic is a classic retro feeling game in which he runs very quickly through various hills and rings, and then delivers his irritating little catchphrases like an absolute twat. But you forgive him for that, because well he's Sonic. He might not have become the 'Mario beater' that SEGA had hoped, but that hasn't stopped him from selling 80 million copies in his long running franchise. To put that into perspective that's about the same as Lady Gaga, so he must be doing something right, hence why he makes this list.

#9 Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

Best Outings: Tomb Raider (9/10), Tomb Raider Legend (8/10)

The protagonist that would end redefining the gender role in video games forever, essentially becoming the ultimate feminist, despite dressing up like a slutty Indiana Jones. It's the original damsel, but not so much in distress, as she just kicks everyone's ass. Sure she may have been ruined by Square Enix in recent games, especially the new emotional bullcrap simulator that defeated the whole point on Tomb Raider, but even this disappointment doesn't ruin a legendary video game heroine. She is also one of the only characters that can be transferred onto the big screen, and the films based around her have actually been alright. This of course is helped by her nice ass, and also because she was the postergirl for PlayStation for about 10,000 years. Did I mention her sex appeal, yep, who thought moving pixels could be so attractive.

#8 Ezio Auditore (Assassin's Creed)

Best Outings: Assassin's Creed 2 (9/10), Assassin's Creed Brotherhood (9/10)

The Assassin so awesome they named a city after him, although that might be a massive lie, but what's the renaissance period without this glorified cutthroat. The success behind this completely fictional character that fronted three games in the series is that he feels so realistic, he's so brilliantly Italian that you forgive him for painfully chatting up and having sex with many women instead of doing things that actually matter. You just expect everyone in Italy to be like him, but of course they don't all have perfect facial hair, although more STDs than murders might be more accurate. He's also pretty awesome, just look at that cape, and not only that he also has some badass double blades, and other interesting inventions that he can acquire from chatting up Leonardo DaVinci, which certainly makes him very unique compared to any other character on this list.

I just couldn't think of a better way to explore the Renaissance period than by running around a lot and occasionally cutting the throat of one of those fucking lute players. We also care about him, he has such an interesting personal life that you do quickly become very attached to him. He's not like some cartoon hedgehog that you couldn't give a shit about, he's actually a human, and a very realistic one at that. The Ezio trilogy of the franchise was by far the best, the quality has since declined in the games, and aside from Revelation, Ezio's contribution to the franchise was the most signficant, and without him would Ubisoft really be a household name? After all, he has become the model for a modern gaming hero. 

#7 Kratos (God of War)

Best Outings: God of War (9/10), God of War 2 (8/10)

The man whose name literally means 'power', and that's not surprising considering this man, or god to be more precise, is an absolute animal. He's just such a barbaric character, a being that lives for one purpose, and that is to fuck shit up. He's certainly a character I wouldn't like to meet in a dark alley. Sony have used this monster to their advantage, and he has almost become an icon of the modern PlayStation community, which is fair enough, as with Lara's downturn there really isn't anyone left to fill that huge gap. But who doesn't love playing as an antihero, and this one comes in the form of a unique god that has put the spark back into hack 'n' slash games, with a side order of brutal murder.

#6 Mario (Mario)

Best Outings: Super Mario 64 (9/10), Super Mario Bros (9/10)

This may come as a surprise, after all Mario does usually occupy the top spot on my gaming countdowns, but let's face it, is the Italian plumber really that great? He may well be the most iconic character in the history of gaming, and he's certainly had his fair share of great games, but I keep asking myself whether I actually care about him at all. Appearing in over 200 video games is an incredible achievement, but for me saving princesses over and over again is a bit boring, no matter how many different ways you do it.

But who can argue with success? 210 million copies have been sold thanks to this guy, twice that of the 'James Bond' novels, and that comes as little surprise when you consider the legacy that this small plumber has left behind him. As nostalgia goes, it doesn't get more nostalgic than this, and I'm sure many children around the world have grown up with the playful antics and signature catchphrases of the first real protagonist in video games. He may well have outstayed his welcome on my console, but the character who is more recognizable than Mickey Mouse certainly deserves a top finish on this list.

#5 Samus Aran (Metroid)

Best Outings: Metroid Prime (9/10), Super Metroid (10/10)

It's everybody's favorite intergalactic bounty hunter, and this one happens to be a women, which was a pretty big shock in 1986, and years before crappy Lara Croft came along to ruin everything. What makes this character stand out is her legendary armor which she uses to fight the baddest criminals all over the galaxy. Whether it be with rockets, missiles, or the deadly screw attack, Samus always gets the job done, and has taken down some pretty mean bosses in the process. In short she is the lovechild of Lara Croft and Master Chief, except she might be more awesome than both put together. I mean since when have they ever blown up a whole planet.

#4 Commander Shepard (Mass Effect)

Best Outings: Mass Effect 2 (10/10), Mass Effect 3 (10/10)

A personal favorite here, and the protagonist of the greatest video game franchise of all time in my opinion. The difference with this character is that they can be both male or female, it's up to the player. Every detail of this protagonist can be customized by the player, even the individual choices they make along their epic journey. So really you only have yourself to blame if you're dissatisfied with this epic character, and even default Shepard is an amazing character in their own right.

When it comes to voice acting though, Commander Shepard is in a class of one, both genders have amazing voice actors that perfectly compliment Shepard's likeable and relatable persona. The exceptional content of Mass Effect can only be seen through his eyes, and any enemy can be quickly dispatched with his badass weapons and lethal special moves. People may rave about the performance of the female Shepard, but I think they're both equally brilliant, and don't affect gameplay in the slightest. But why am I surprised? It's just another standard military character that Bioware have superbly brought to life in their usual outstanding fashion.

#3 Master Chief (Halo)

Best Outings: Halo: Combat Evolved (9/10), Halo 3 (9/10)

The talisman of every Microsoft fanboy, and still the posterboy for the company after 10 long and successful years at the helm. He is more commonly known as John, although that isn't anywhere near as catchy, although that name doesn't stop him from being an absolute tank. He has the weaponry to take down a whole platoon, and you get the sense that if the characters on this list had a fight this guy would definitely win. The trick behind the success of Master Chief is the fact that we know very little about him, he is effectively an enigma, and never takes off his signature armor. But that has never held him back, he has become the iconic hero of any action related gaming fan.

He's just so cool, he's a man of very few words, and so anything he does say carries great weight. Unlike others on this list he doesn't rely on overdramatized and cliche material, instead we get an earnest and genuine performance that make him an action legend and a very believable character. He has become the icon for any 13 year old boy, and I'm sure all us gamers have fantasized about being him for just one day, despite the fact that he isn't really that important in the Halo games, multiplayer has always been the focal point. Halo 4 may have been a difficult episode for this guy, but after all that he still retains his awesomeness, and still has that legendary status around the Xbox community.

#2 John Marston (Red Dead Redemption)

Best Outings: Red Dead Redemption (10/10)

The protagonist and antihero of the greatest game of all time, and the success of this character certainly contributes to how great the game actually is. For me it has to go down as one of the greatest voice acting performances of all time, but then it couldn't be anything else with the phenomenal script and amazing storyline. The best thing about Marston is that he's such an ordinary guy, torn between the battle of good and evil, and so it becomes an essential part of the game, and in the process he becomes the most believable character in the history of gaming. People may say that video games can never have storylines that rival movies, but John Marston proves that theory wrong, his sophisticated performance goes into far more depth than any movie could ever dream of, and the result is a character that you actually care about. He doesn't feel superficial, and the genuine and wholesome performance drives the epic plot.

Even after all the character development he is still one of gaming's best loved badasses, and his interrelationship with all the other brilliant characters in the game just proves that. His demise will always be one of the greatest gaming moments, and his sacrifice will live long in any gamer's memory, and it shows you what can be achieved if a little bit of thought and quality screenplay is utilized effectively. He may just be the legend of one game, but this antihero may just be the ultimate hero of gaming, and he's living proof that given a little character development, a game can get to that next level, and maybe even produce a masterpiece.

#1 Link (Legend of Zelda)

Best Outings: LOZ: Ocarina of Time (9/10), LOZ: Link's Awakening (9/10)

The only man that could topple the greatest character of all time is one that consistently produces outstanding games in one of video gaming's longest and most loved franchises. It seems amazing that this green elf thing has become such an iconic character when he doesn't even talk. He may have been aided by some truly amazing storylines, but his character is still the most interesting and exciting entity within the realms of gaming. Through this character we have been given some of the greatest RPGs of all time, and this ultimate protagonist keeps churning out top performance after top performance. The personal quests that the player has to go through is such an integral part of the game that it almost makes playing the game feel like a documentary.

This attention to detail and realism is something that I love about the series, and it allows the player to connect to the protagonist in a way that is in no way similar to any other game I've played. You've got to hand it to the Japanese, they might not be able to make Hollywood epics, but give them a low budget and some thinking time and they can produce something wonderful. What we don't get out of this character is maybe what makes him so special, even after all these games Link is still a mysterious character. A character that you just love joining on one of his many quests. He does make some annoying noises every three seconds, but what would the franchise be without him? Nothing, he is the game. And for me he is the greatest protagonist in the history of gaming.

Forza Horizon 2 Review

This is it, the return of the greatest racing franchise of all time, I'm sorry it just is. Five years ago you may have been correct to say 'Gran Tursimo', but it doesn't even compete anymore. Personally I'm really excited about this game, I loved the original Horizon as it was a perfect blend of open world racing with that classic track style gameplay that Forza is famed for. I guess you could call it revolutionary, there are a lot of games coming out in the next few months that copy that open world racing style, although to call it the first of its time would be stretching it. I am reviewing the Xbox 360 version of this, which is a shame, as the One version comes with the 'Drivatar' system that was introduced in Forza 5, and I believe that it's one of the all time great mechanics in any game, it's just such a good idea.

This outing the Horizon festival has moved itself from the generic hills of nowhere in particular, to the very real Italian Riviera, which certainly looks the part, although I'm still not convinced it's a better map than the original, I just felt that was more diverse, which I was suppose was a result of them just making it up. There is a weak story attached to this one, it's just the usual 'be the best' that comes with every racing game, along with a diverse range of characters, and by diverse range I mean two. There's generic douchebag Ben, and then there's Ashley, a mechanic that insists on calling you dude every two fucking seconds. But at least these characters don't get in the way of the racing, which is magnificent. Turn 10 haven't fallen into the trap of making a racing game anything other than a racing game, unlike other major franchises like 'Need for Speed', and with over 200 cars to choose from it also provides the driver with great diversity. There aren't 50 variants of each car like in 'Gran Turismo', here every car feels different, and that to me is what a driving game should be all about.

Only in Forza does this feel special.

I do have some concerns though, my main quarrel is on the issue of progression, or the lack of. The only concept of progress is in the form of grand tours, but in these tours you're automatically matched to people with similar cars, so theoretically you could use your starter car throughout the whole thing, which defeats the point of a campaign. The payouts are also very low, which does at least make owning a rare car feel that much more special, but because there's no progression it really doesn't matter, and it also renders the class system of older games completely pointless, which was always one of the central features. Also becoming pointless is the wristband system from the original Horizon. It used to be that you couldn't get into certain events without a  certain wristband, but now it's just based on levels and serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever since you can enter any event at any time.

Even driving a Jeep around doesn't feel out of place, probably because there's no progression.

But don't fear they haven't ruined all the old features, and there are even some new ones, namely the bucket list feature. This plays out like challenge mode would in other games, which isn't something revolutionary, except that maybe this one is in exotic cars. They've also introduced a perk system that has some basic upgrades, nothing really that dynamically changes the gameplay, but there are some rewards to tailor your experience that can be unlocked by being a skillful driver. It's only a small change, but it's a welcome addition nonetheless. What isn't welcome is the effort put into the returning 'Top Gear' style challenge races, that were arguably the greatest part of the original game. To celebrate this they've stripped them down completely to only four, which is rubbish compared to the wide variety of races we got before, it's not as if you win anything valuable in them either, so what's the point? 

Four! Is that really all you could come up with. Look how awesome this picture is.

But in reality even after all those letdowns it's still a fucking awesome game. It just looks so nice, even for the dated 360. You get beautiful views on the riviera, and also 200 stunning cars to endlessly gawp at. There may be some poor textures dotted around the place, but when you're traveling at break neck speed it really doesn't matter, just one sunrise is instantly enough to make any road trip that much more special. There are some off road routes as well, a new territory for the franchise, and it actually works very well. It might not be the most realistic simulation of dirt racing, but for a track racer it's a noble attempt, and certainly a worthy addition. It doesn't drastically change the game, but it makes an interesting change from the monotonous gravel streets. What would be nice to accompany this is a great soundtrack, after all there were some brilliant radio stations in the original. Unfortunately they're now a shadow of their former self, with only a few songs I would call bearable, and a total of one good song, which is 'Red Eyes' by The War on Drugs. But this means we're missing the myriad of brilliant songs from the original, and there isn't even 'The Hives', which I thought was mandatory for racing games.

Horizon 2 has some great visuals, it just feels like an open world racer.

Overall Horizon 2 is still great fun. It has retained most of the charm from the original, there are some notably poor design choices but when it comes down to driving it still is the best in the business. It feels like a classic Forza, and it plays like an open world game, which is an absolutely fantastic experience. It's a serious game that disguises itself as seriously good fun, and really can be enjoyed by any gamer. It may not be as good as the original, but I'm not complaining, I love it.

Final Score: 87/100

Morons of The Internet: XY Feminist

This is the segment where I scour my favorite forums around the internet and find some particularly interesting articles about current affairs told in the words from some of my favorite human beings.

In this edition we have a scarcely believable blog from a male radical feminist known as 'XY Feminist', and I will be analyzing his claims to what male privilege is all about. If you want an added bonus of despair then just read her 'video game' reviews, that are even worse, some of the points are excellent reading, and contain no sense at any point.

                                                      
http://xyfeminist.wordpress.com/the-male-privilege-list/
                                                      

The List of Male Privileges

Are you ready for this? Remember he is trying to combat inequality, by treating people unequally. Here's a compilation of some of the more notable points in his list:

We start with number one, and probably the most serious point on the list, although maybe it's not that serious if you claim it's a privilege to men. There have been many female murderers over the years, including Catherine Monvoisin, the worst of all time, and so I'm quite confused as to how men are 'privileged' here, surely women are just as capable of murdering another person. He claimed that "men are raised to fight and kill", which would maybe be a valid argument in 1300, but in the 21st century that simply isn't true. I for one still haven't been taught those skills yet, and so this claim seems to be a massive generalization. He also claims that women are "more likely to die in gruesome ways", which of course makes all the difference, not the fact that somebody died, no all that's important is how they died. There's just no evidence for this claim, murder isn't a privilege, it's a horrific event that has very little to do with gender, and although men are more likely to be murderers, they still have no privilege, the sentence will always be the same no matter what the gender. This brings me on to the second point on rape, in which he claims that "women are always blamed", which is complete bollocks, try telling Rolf Harris that. These two points are actually quite disgusting, he exploits these two horrible events without ever showing compassion for the victim. His lack of statistics show that this incident should not be gender defined, but instead should be based on 'victim' and 'attacker'.

We then move on to the stupidity, most notably point number five on violence against women, a point which he effectively backs up with zero sources. But because I'm trying to make a point I will use at least one source, and I will happily show you this source that can at least back up the fact that women actually have more favorable sentences in the USA. (http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2144002) This of course is explained very thoroughly later in point ten, when we discover that men actually make all the rules. Of course the writer has probably never heard of powerful women such as Margaret Thatcher, or maybe Angela Merkel, hell even Cleopatra. This point is just so devoid of any logic that it just makes no sense, surely if the laws were all so biased then these female leaders would change them back again, but no, because of course it's only men that get into powerful positions.

But amazingly it manages to get even worse, I may have lost all faith in humanity when I read point number sixteen, "the privilege of physical strength", in which we learn that women are thin because of long cardiovascular sessions, and for some reason "purges", which is a rather brutal method of loosing weight, you sort of loose all of it at once as you lie decaying in the ground. Although it may actually refer to colon cleansing, which is equally as stupid. Cardiovascular on the other hand does the direct opposite of what is claimed on this blog, the number one benefit according to wikipedia itself is to "strengthen the muscles of respiration", and "increase storage of energy molecules", not making them weaker, like for example how Jessica Ennis is a lot more athletic when compared to myself, a very thin man, but then that's probably due to that fucking patriarchy. It's just the absurdity that millions of years of evolution have been disproved by one paragraph in a blog with zero sources, the only reference we get is from somebody name "Adria", so thanks Adria, thanks for filling my screen with complete bullshit.

And now we get to the bizarre. Point twenty six stands out for me, " the privilege of having no privileges", which is a paradox in itself. Yes apparently men can "claim oppression when it is useful", which may just be the most ironic point of all time, although it's not quite so funny when you realise that this person is serious, and does the exact same thing two lines later, "men can even blame women for the harms they suffer". Just fucking unbelievable. We then go onto talk about how men get "praised for mediocrity", which of course is in no way similar to the rise of people such as Kim Kardashian or Katie Price, or maybe by reading the comments below, although mediocrity would be a gross overstatement when discussing this horse shit. And then we get to points such as 'celebrating', probably the most bizarre and the weakest link in the whole bloody thing. You get the sense that he might be starting to run out of ideas, although I'm amazed he actually managed to count past three. So fuck you patriarchy, fuck you for teaching this imbecile to count. 

Whilst we're here why don't we also go on about how men are always richer than their female counterparts, a common misconception based on invalid statistics, not that this person would understand that seeing as he plucks his statistics from thin air. Of course at no point during privilege number forty nine does he give any sources to this claim, the 22% seems to have just come from his head, although I think the real reason is that it's actually complete bullshit. This common myth comes from a generalized statistic that doesn't take into account position of job, experience or number of hours worked, and since more women have part time jobs it only makes sense that this statistic is significantly lower. It's actually been illegal to pay men and women different amounts for the same labor in the USA since 1963, so there's obviously no privilege here. The next point is also equally as stupid, since there isn't one. The majority of billionaires get to their position by hard work, and not by winging about how terrible their life is on the internet. To quote Italian footballer Gianluigi Buffon, "a winner always finds a way, a loser always finds an excuse."

But to finish with I have my personal favorites, most notably point number fifty six, the privilege of good medicine. she claims that "men get the majority of research dollars", with no source predictably, as it's complete bullshit. I'll leave a link to my 'ice bucket challenge' piece that contains a great little graph showing where the money for medicine goes to, and I'm pretty sure you can guess the outcome. Then we go on to find out that women have to endure harsher treatments, which is an irrelevant point since pain is subjective, and in any case breast cancer is detected using screening processes, where as prostate cancer is detected by having needles inserted into the scrotum, yet apparently breast cancer is a "worse prognosis". But that is overshadowed by the sheer ignorance of the final sentence, people are suffering from a fatal illness but because they've got testicles they don't deserve to be cured. Yeah, how dare you try and cure people of cancer, monsters. But nothing can compare to point number sixty two, the privilege to eat. I can't even say that without laughing, hundreds of years of peer reviewed studies have been single handedly destroyed by one ignorant man on the internet. Apparently eating is now not "socially acceptable", which is strange as it's a requirement to survival. Ha, look at that pathetic girl trying to stay alive. And this of course results in the false belief that women are "naturally smaller than men". But because I value science I will close this list review with a source, because then at least my arguments would be based on facts. (http://www.health.harvard.edu/fhg/updates/update0906b.shtml)
Ice Bucket Challenge: http://christoforge.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/my-thoughts-on-ice-bucket-challenge.html

Top 10 Pirate Movies

#10 The Bounty (1986) (8/10)

'The Bounty' is a film set in the flashbacks of William Bligh, who is played by the quite brilliant Anthony Hopkins. It retells the story of what is the most famous mutiny in history, that took place on the HMS Bounty near Tahiti, which is famous for being nowhere near anything remotely interesting. The film stays very loyal to the original plot, it doesn't try anything radical, and in the end we get a storyline that centers on breadfruit, which isn't the most gripping of topics, and so credit to director Roger Donaldson for remaining loyal to the history books. However on the whole it is a very entertaining film, my main gripe would be Mel Gibson's performance, which is bland to say the least, especially when compared to the brilliance of Hopkins, who although not at his best still puts in a cracking performance.

Hopkins' believable captain really sums up the film for me. It's good, but nothing spectacular, and I can't help but feel the minimal dialogue given to such triple-A actors is a missed opportunity. But for a relatively low budget I can't really complain, it never feels like a cheap film and the inexperience of director Roger Donaldson never shows, it does feel like a polished film even if it is lacking in some areas, such as the ending, which leaves plenty of loose ends. It actually feels a bit lazy if I'm honest, which is a little disappointing considering how well thought through the rest of the plot was. It's still an intricate film, and I would recommend a viewing, but at the end of the day it's a film about breadfruit.  

#9 The Goonies (1985) (6/10)

'The Goonies' tells the story of a bunch of kids who are attempting to save their homes from demolition, and in turn discover a treasure map created by legendary pirate 'One Eyed Willie'. This film is classic Spielberg really, it's his usual take on kids entertainment that we have seen repeated many times over the past few decades. It's fun, it's stupid, but at the end of the day it's very shallow, and this film doesn't have a legendary status to fall back on. Look at it as a low budget version of Jurassic Park, at least that's how it feels to me.

I guess the sheer ridiculousness of it all appeals to the target audience, which in this case are young children, and at the end of the day the film just tells the story of just some stereotypical kids on a pirate based adventure. But for an intellectual character like me it just feels obscure, I can't really relate to it and so the wide range of characters just seem annoying. This film plays out a bit like Indiana Jones, just nowhere near as good.

#8 Hook (1991) (5/10)

This films serves as a sequel to the original animated film, which was brilliant. In this one Captain Hook gets his revenge on Peter Pan by kidnapping his children, which is a ridiculous plot but also debunks the theory circulating the internet that Peter Pan actually murders children, and 'Netherland' represents heaven. But because that fact has an accompanying picture people believe it, and don't actually bother researching it. The other thing this film is noted for is an appearance from Robin Williams, who in recent times has become everybody's favorite actor. Unfortunately that view isn't shared by me, as it's quite clear that Williams is outshined by everybody else in this film by an absolute mile, his version of Peter Pan is actually quite insulting for a fan of the original animated film, so thanks for ruining my childhood Robin.

Dustin Hoffman on the other hand is in fine form with his portrayal as legendary villain Captain Hook, and ends up carrying this pirate fantasy adventure, a burden not shared by the rest of the cast. In the end it does fail at being a successful sequel, not helped by the 'Peter Pan is now a lawyer' plot that just makes no sense to me. It feels like a commercial ripoff every step of the way, and the dull landscapes and mundane script only emphasize what a terrible sequel this is. Nearly all the magic of the original has been thrown away and we now get this new dull, and quite tacky rendition of Peter Pan. It can be summed up by the sword fighting sequences that where a joy to watch in the original, but now become endless jousts of mediocrity. There is some magic still left in this film, but it's buried under a lot of unnecessary crap.

#7 Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) (7/10)

I'm sorry, but I really like this. Nobody else seemed to, but I genuinely think this is a very good film. It's the fourth installment in the long running 'Pirates of the Caribbean' franchise that's always guaranteed a box office hit. The only real difference in this one is that we now have Penelope Cruz replacing the symbol of mediocrity that is Keira Knightly, who was always the eye candy before, but this is a move my penis was quick to praise. The story behind this one is that returning pirate Johnny Depp is searching for the legendary Fountain of Youth, a story that makes no sense to me, especially when you involve notorious pirate Blackbeard, who was born 150 years after the fountains were allegedly 'discovered' by Juan Ponce De Leon in 1513. I know this plot isn't meant to be realistic, but there is no logic in reviving a historic figure, only to involve them in a canonically flawed plot.

Yes it may have been a step too far. I do also agree that the series is being milked for every single penny it's worth, but for me this is a film of genuine quality. It relies on more action orientated scenes, which work well with the fast paced plot. At least a lot better than the previous two films in this franchise, but still not losing that comedy element that has become synonymous with this series. Sure it's not going to blow anyone away in sheer amazement, something that it maybe should do with that hefty budget, but the hate for it is misguided. It's just an exciting and well executed pirate flick, so stop moaning.

#6 The Princess Bride (1987) (7/10)

From an internationally loathed film to an internet favorite, in terms of cult classics this is something of a deity. It's told from the perspective of a old man who is reading his grandson a fairytale whilst also shoving Werther's Original down his throat and other things that the child wasn't allowed to tell mummy. But to be fair it is a pretty awesome book, mainly because of Andre the Giant! Who thankfully is a better actor than he is a wrestler, but still fucking epic as usual. The story presents a pleasant romance, nothing too stomach churning, but the viewer gets a very positive reflection of what love really is, at least a much better version than in any romantic comedy, and this is from a fucking fairytale. Although that says more about the quality of crappy romantic comedies than anything else.

There are the various comedic elements in it, something that nearly all pirate films have for some reason. I've never really viewed them as cheery fellows, but they are according to the film industry, even though they kidnap and murder people in this film. That's what I never understood about this film, one minute it's deadly serious and the next it seems to be almost parodying itself. It doesn't necessarily ruin the film, but for me that just doesn't fit the genre, it's a little bit unnecessary. Probably why I put it so low on the list, it's just not a very good swashbuckling adventure like the others further down this list.

#5 The Black Swan (1942) (7/10)

This was the film based on the life stories of notorious pirate and legendary rum salesman Henry Morgan. He's played by Zorro, or Tyrone Power as he's more commonly known, and to be honest he tackles the role very well, making a very convincing pirate captain. Like any good historical film this one never wanders too far from the truth, and Captain Morgan is the very man that may appear in a history textbook with an added love affair to spice things up. As for the story, well it's just good guy versus bad buy really, but to distract the viewer from the mundane plot is some amazing visuals that seem barely believable to have been born from 1942. But overall this is just a solid pirate film that gets its message across very effectively.

#4 The Buccaneer (1958) (6/10)

Another classic, in fact this might be the original swashbuckling adventure. This was the first time that Hollywood told history to fuck off out of pirate movies, which does lead to a very exhilarating story at the cost of any sort of message or motif. It's meant to tell the story of the Battle of New Orleans that happened in 1812, although you could be forgiven for mistaking it for any other conflict as its idea of storytelling is a few action sequences that are linked together in a very tedious way. It does however have Charlton Heston in it, which is always a bonus, although unfortunately he wasn't stranded in a parallel universe.

The thing I hate about this film is that it takes the lives of people who are effectively scoundrels and then presents them as some sort of heroes. We have seen that from a growing number of films now, but not to this extent where history is turned upside down in order to try and give this film some message, something that I hate in films. It's a bit like that horrendous film 'The Patriot', although this one does have some redeeming merits such as brilliant action sequences and a solid, if shallow and inaccurate storyline. But as for swashbuckling adventures, it's right up there.

#3 Peter Pan (1953) (8/10)

A personal childhood favorite of mine, produced at a time when Disney where still making deep and meaningful storylines with a large tablespoon of magic thrown on top. It's just such a wonderful story, everything about it is just fantastic. Everything from the vast range of characters to the amazing spectacle that is Neverland. Captain Hook will always go down as one of my favorite villains of all time, and to me he will always personify the classic pantomime villain, eccentric yet menacing, and something that the sequel managed to completely forget about. Where as this is fun, it's cute, but it's never once cheesy.

It's just such a captivating film, the fast paced and action packed animations are masterfully done and compliment the script in every way possible. There are some questionable areas, the negative portrayal of the Native American culture would be the biggest issue, although those where the popular opinions of the time and so criticizing them would be irrelevant, those opinions were prevalent at the time and their not going to suddenly disappear, in fact if anything it creates an accurate picture of 1950's culture that mirrors the rest of the brilliant storyline. I can't say much more really, it's just a classic pirate film and it might well be the best fairytale of all time.
 
#2 Treasure Island (1950) (8/10)

This is the iconic film based on the legendary novel of the same name by Robert Luis Stevenson. It tells the story of Long John Silver, who is joined by a young lad on the trail of buried treasure left by legendary pirate Captain Flint. There have been many films over the years, but none compare to the first time that Disney used live action in a film, which happened to be this one, although in retrospect that turned out to be a bad idea. Long John Silver is the star here, just as he is in the novel. Robert Newton steals the show with his charismatic portrayal of a legendary leader, and becomes the pirate in question, it just feels so genuine, and it makes the film that much better. It was no surprise that he would become the model for Hollywood pirates, and although many have come close, not one has ever emulated the brilliance in Newton's performance.

There are some dark themes throughout this family film, and Long John does have the look of a pedophile at some points, it's actually rather disturbing watching him endlessly groom the helpless boy, and although this was 1950 it still looks a bit suspicious. If that where to happen now there would be millions of complaints from people who have the misguided thought that their opinions matter, but Long John didn't work for the BBC in the 1970's so we'll let him off. Once you get past the dark undertones it becomes a very enjoyable film, the scenes are action packed and the plot moves at a very nice pace, and it actually sticks to the novel, aside from a few diversions. The biggest of these is the ending that unfortunately ruins the film a bit for being very shit, which really is a shame, but apart from that it's a great film.
 
#1 Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) (9/10)

I don't think there can be many complaints with this decision, in terms of quality it is by far the best, and also helped rekindle this classic genre. Over the years this franchise has had both its high and low points, and although always a box office success it was this one for me that really stood out. It may not have had the best upbringing, being inspired by a theme park ride isn't exactly spectacular, but when it all comes together the product is excellent. Now I will admit that I'm not a big fan of Johnny Depp, but his performance with Geoffrey Rush in this film was brilliant. Captain Jack Sparrow is usually the sort of character that I hate, but under Depp he transforms into something else, he really is quite awesome. This brilliance is not shared by breathing ironing board, Keira Knightly, and glorified Diet Coke salesman Orlando Bloom, who add absolutely nothing to the plot apart from a few clunky lines and tedious scenes.

The plot could do with some work in a few places, but overall it tells a gripping story of some haunted sailors, with a few fight scenes in between, although they're nothing to write home about. It's also quite a lengthy film, with a run time of around 135 minutes, and it does feel like that time at various points. When the action dies down the frail in places plot does become a bit boring, and watching people fight each other for no reason doesn't exactly help. But I must be honest, for a completely fictional story it does seem very realistic, I would almost forgive you for thinking that it was based on a true story, and I almost wish it was. It's just such a good film, it will make you laugh, it will frighten you, but it will never annoy you, and whilst it doesn't quite have everything, it does have the content of a great film. Amazing to think that this was 11 years ago, or maybe that's just me getting old.

Top 10 Video Game Power-Ups

Power-ups seem a thing of the past in video games, and with the decreased impact they are having on the industry I thought I would count down my 10 favorites. 10 entries that I feel really changed the shape of the game for the better.

#10 Rings (Sonic The Hedgehog)

Only a twat would collect rings to make themselves better than everyone else, but luckily for this franchise 'Sonic' is a grade-a douchebag. The simple logic behind this one is that if you collect 100 of these spinning discs then you will be rewarded with an extra life, simple yet effective. It also makes the game a hell of a lot easier, after all you are bound to run too fast into a spike pit on every single level, so in the long run it becomes a game changer.

#9 Running Shoes (Pokemon Red/Blue)

Another simple pleasure, this one is more of a convenience than anything else. It's just an item given to you in the story that allows you to travel faster, which is a good thing as walking is painfully slow, so this at least makes traveling between cities bearable. Again, these are vital components of a classic franchise, and I really don't think you could catch them all if it wasn't for these bad boys. Just looking at a picture of them is like staring at a 1990's wet dream. I just hope they have flashing lights in them, only the coolest kids have flashing lights in their shoes. 

#8 Fire (NBA Jam)

This is a little reward you get for just being plain awesome, and it does this by making you even more awesome. It's pretty self explanatory, you quite literally are 'on fire', meaning you become this overpowered dunking machine that can score from pretty much anywhere on the court. All it needs is three shots in a row by the same player, and you're then rewarded with one of the greatest sound effects in the history of gaming. You just knew that as soon as you heard that iconic "he's on fire!" line, business would soon pick up.
 
#7 Tactical Nuke (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2)

I chose the killstreak from 'Modern Warfare 2', although it could quite easily be the version from zombies, but in both cases they fucking own. When a player racks up 25 kills without dying they are rewarded with a nuclear blast that kills everyone, including yourself. It's so awesome that the game has to be stopped as a result. The only bad thing about it is the fact that it's usually used by that immature camping bellend, who only got it because he got lucky in a chopper gunner on wasteland. But as long as you sent him hatemail afterwards it was okay.

#6 Metal Blade (Megaman 2)

In a series that was defined by its innovative use of power-ups comes these bad boys. They are quite simply spinning metal blades of death that cut through absolutely everything. The projectiles are both numerous and accurate, meaning you can cut through every single enemy with immense ease. And the best bit about it, the fact that it uses very little energy, so little that it's effectively infinite. How awesome is that?

#5 Spread Gun (Contra)

In terms of ownage this would easily be number one, it's just such a fucking brilliant weapon. It's almost necessary in what is one of the hardest games of all time, as you start with a pathetic pea shooter that hands out barely any damage. But with the spread gun you can just mow down wave after wave of well equipped enemies, often better than you. It really is a lifeline in one of the harshest and most unforgiving games ever. Still very good fun though.

#4 Bullet Bill (MarioKart 64)

The lifeline of any shit MarioKart player. I will admit that I have abused this ridiculously overpowered boost on more than one occasion, but come on, how else am I going to overtake anyone on Rainbow Road. It is quite a sad day when the game 'rewards' you with this, it's sort of the admittance that you're a shit player, and using it almost feels like cheating. The speed and power you get to in this thing is unbelievable, and it will blitz anyone in its way, and hopefully that person will be that annoying little wanker, Toad.

#3 Screw Attack (Metroid)

This is the power-up is so awesome that it even has a whole community named after it. It is such a brilliant move, a spinning plasma ball of death that not only makes you temporarily invincible, but also a ball of pure destruction. It might just be the most overpowered move on this list, and being rewarded with it is a complete game changer. It really becomes your primary weapon, the energy ball is so much better than actually shooting, and so in the end it sort of defeats the point of the whole game. Still fucking awesome though.

#2 Power Pellets (Pac-Man)

It really says a lot for a power-up when it ends up defining the whole game, it's almost needed to succeed, and anyone going for a high score must use these to their advantage. It's also the original, everything you see on this list is derived from these bad boys, and games would end up copying this style and basing their games around power-ups as well. Of course that was long ago, and so that innovation seems slightly unnecessary, but this game is still an absolute classic.

After all, it results in you being able to eat ghosts. Yes I said eat ghosts, does that not excite you? The mere thought of eating ghosts whole gives me a sort of childish rush, it's almost addictive. It's not as if these items are rare, they're littered all over the place, and so you can chew up as many ghosts as you wish, and I would recommend that, as they're absolute bastards. I'm not really sure on the science behind this whole digestion process, but who cares when it's as fun as this.

#1 Mushroom (Super Mario Bros.)

If there was anything that was going to beat Pac-man it was this, which is arguably the most iconic power-up, in the most iconic video game, in the history of gaming. It could've easily been the star, but that lasts about 20 seconds, this is theoretically endless. Headbutting bricks became part of the game looking for these things, and when you were rewarded with one you would get this amazing sound effect that is synonymous with the sudden growth of small Italian plumbers. It's a universally recognized symbol in the video game industry, and a staple of the biggest video game franchise. How could this not be number one?