The Christoforge Column (31/07/16)

Clickbait Journalism Can Fuck Off

Sorry this column starts with just a full blown rant but I'm just sick of clickbait articles on the internet. It's the lowest form of journalism, and it just keeps growing like a cancerous tumour. Quite simply it's false advertising pushing forward sensationalised stories that are actually very mundane in nature, and often at times very misleading. I get that this is a great way for websites to make money from advertising revenues, but loan sharks misleading people is also a great way to make money, so the results of these scam sites doesn't excuse anything. I have nothing against websites promoting their material, but don't fucking mislead the reader, that's the lowest form of low. By all means have a headline that catches the readers attention, and from there encourage readers to view the article, but don't use a simple story as justification for writing a shit article that has a sole purpose to direct traffic. And yes 'LadBible' I was aiming that at you.

The Issue of Doping in Sports

The doping scandals surrounding sports at the moment are an absolute farce. It's not just athletes and governing bodies making a fool out of themselves as the media has had a fair share of cock ups over this issue too. The Daily Mail published a shitstain of an article claiming Russian athletes would face a blanket ban at the upcoming Olympic Games in Rio, which is absolutely 100% false. In all honesty though, and you won't her me say this often, I think the Daily Mail has got the right side of the argument on this occasion. Like me they feel this doping scandal is a shameful backdrop facing the Olympic Games with just weeks to go. What's worse is that with the Zika virus abundant in the tropical climate of Brazil and a lot of athletes being sexually active during the games there is no a very real risk of a serious medical scare unless you pump athletes with drugs. I don't claim to know all the ins and outs of these Zika preventing drugs, that may or may not be performance affecting, but I have found an unlikely compromise. My solution would be that each Olympic discipline should have different events for athletes on different levels of drugs; a bit like they do for disabilities at the Paralympics. I'm aware there will be teething problems with this. Britain for example would win gold at every event in the 'Horlicks' category, and I doubt the Colombians are going to allow everyone to use their superior cocaine supply, but I feel there is real potential in this. Imagine watching sprinters high on speed annihilate the 100m track, and if that's not your cup of tea then wait for the alcoholics to have a go, as that race is going to be about who can stay within the lines. With my solution there is something for everybody; it might even make the dressage watchable for once.

In all seriousness there is absolutely no way that drugs should play a part in the outcome of Olympic events. Not only does it tarnish the reputation of a legendary institution, but it also damages each sporting discipline where this behaviour is rife. Russian athletes who have been a part of this scandal should absolutely be banned for a substantial amount of time in an effort to show that this behaviour is not acceptable in competitive sports. You shouldn't be allowed to manufacture national sporting pride with banned substances like Russia have been doing, and so it's a great shame that they've got away with a slap on the wrist. How many more doping scandals is it going to take before sporting bodies start giving a shit? We've already seen drugged out athletes displayed in the sport of cycling, although admittedly that sport was more like a fucking cartel during the early 21st century. Nobody wants a repeat of that fiasco, so the world of sports needs to sort its shit out now.

Free Speech and Twitter

Fuck social justice on the internet. I honestly can't stress enough how much this PC culture is pissing me off. I know I go on a lot about censorship on this blog, but Twitter has once again proven that it's not the Mecca for free speech that everyone once thought. It's so clear now that Twitter has a biased ideology on what it wants to censor. The company is perfectly happy with jihadists praising terror attacks to use its service, but as soon as one controversial voice causes offense it's game over for them; even when they haven't even violated the terms of service. In case you were wondering I am referring to the recent Milo Yiannopolous fiasco. Milo is essentially a very influential right wing troll. I don't agree with a lot of what he says, but underneath his dark satirical tweets is an educated academic that makes incredibly sophisticated points and has a natural knack for creating drama around everything he does. The thing is that all this man did to get banned was write a negative review about the new Ghostbusters film, which as of writing this I haven't actually seen, so can't really comment on whether I agree with the man. That shouldn't matter though, as Milo should be perfectly entitled to air his views on what he perceived to be a poor film. The thing that got Milo banned was because of the cast receiving a lot of abuse that was blamed on him. Again, this shouldn't matter as Milo is a man who speaks his mind, and should therefore not be held responsible for the diabolical harassment of another comedian. On a site that allegedly conforms to the idea of free speech this is an outrageous action to take. The irony is that Milo's post was centred around how criticising Ghostbusters just isn't acceptable with the regressive left attitudes towards free speech, and low and behold he got banned for pointing this out. You can call the man a troll as much as you want, but every point he makes seems to come to fruition. However the ugly truth in this issue is that censorship is still seen as the way forward.

The New Generation of Politicians

Jeremy Corbyn, Donald Trump, and Bernie Sanders. These are three men who I often don't find myself agreeing with, but nevertheless have a great amount of respect for each one. These three men are spearheading a growing trend in modern politicians, who rely on saying what they think rather than what they think other people want them to say. I think it's a refreshing change in a world of politics once dominated by dreary men who just expected respect to be given to them because of their position. Corbyn, Sanders, and Trump may seem like just average politicians to an extent, but in practice they are certainly not your average guys, each having a knack of ignoring red tape and acting on what they think is the right solution irrespective of potential backlash. What's so refreshing about this shift in dynamics is to see that these figures are coming from vastly different backgrounds. Corbyn, although constantly being ripped apart by just about everybody is part of the new progressive left movement with socialism at the fore. Trump is a business minded egomaniac who seeks division within his subjects, often by controversy. And Sanders is a man who champions the average man at the expense of the very wealthy. Again, I don't agree with a lot of what they're saying but I admire the way they go about their business. The media on the other hand has little love for unconventional leaders. They don't like the way these men threaten the traditional way of life, often resorting to smear campaigns for their own benefit. However the mass media is wrong on this one. The shock Brexit vote was the first alarm bell in Britain that people are pissed off with the current systems of power, and although Britons previously saw a huge rise in protest votes for UKIP, we've never seen a protest vote quite on this scale. I only hope this is how the next US general election goes, as although I'm not a Trump fan by any means, I would much rather a forward looking politician was President rather than a federal criminal who embodies the traditional establishment. Clinton's primary campaign points are that people should vote for her because she's a woman and named 'Clinton'. By that logic I should be the next Prime Minister considering there's never been a Prime Minister from the county of Essex and I have been born with the name George, and people like David Lloyd George in Britain. At least if I took power I would hope to lead with the same intentions as this new generation of politicians, because I do believe this is a great way to revolutionise a system on the verge of collapse.

The Christoforge Column (24/07/16)

Why the Hate for Bojo?


I know MPs are now considered the Antichrist by a large number of the British population, but Boris Johnson now has to live guarded by police officers due to the threats he's been receiving in his front yard. Okay the man might not be the perfect politician, and you may disagree with the majority of his views, but actually threatening someone in their own home is disgusting behaviour. I understand a lot of people don't like the man, but instead of retaliating with plain barbarism you could be at least engaging in more civil methods of disagreement, like they quite hilariously did in the French Embassy. How about giving the new foreign secretary a chance to prove himself? Since when did politics become about threatening to kill people you don't agree with? This is the rationale in a country where we've recently witnessed the consequences when these feelings are taken too far, so why are people being encouraged to act like criminal scum? In all honesty I don't mind Boris; he's a really entertaining guy. How can you want to kill someone who destroys Japanese schoolchildren at rugby and call Hillary Clinton a 'sadistic nurse in a mental hospital'? As you can see this rambling oaf is the perfect choice for representing Britain on the global stage.

The Power of Social Media in Times of Turmoil

To anyone that says technology isn't becoming alarmingly powerful, and those people are usually the isolated eighty year olds who like to remember the good old days, just look at the recent military coup in Turkey as evidence to what simple innovations can achieve. The coup in Turkey was effectively quashed by 'Facetime' when the president pleaded with the masses in scenes that resembled a drunk monologue in a kebab shop that you frequently find on 'Snapchat'. However I'm incredibly grateful for this desperate plea. I don't want the cause of World War Three to be the Turkish military cocking around, and although the details of the coup are very fishy, we have the rise of handheld technology to thank for averting a disaster. This dependency on technology in times of great peril does have a big downside though. Now the irritating this is that technology is being used in these key world events as a social tool. It's now suddenly frowned upon if you are not evidently showing grief on social media by using one of the many hashtags that always arise in these situations. Even with such positive schemes like the one when Facebook allowed survivors of the Nepal earthquake to declare their safety, we still get people thousands of miles away from the actual tragedy stating they were safe just so they could gain a small modicum of attention. It's the same process with these endless hashtags that usually revolve around humanity collectively praying for the locale surrounding another heinous attack. People just use this hashtag as a way to show virtually no empathy in exchange for some social standing. I have nothing against people showing their support for victims, and in fact I do it as well, but it's now become this expectation that if #prayforsuchandsuch isn't trending then nobody cares about that tragedy, and that we are somehow all failures of empathetic human beings as a result. Nobody should be forced to care about events that don't affect them, so why the hell there is this growing trend that you must acknowledge tragedies is shocking to me, especially when people are using the expense of human life for their own selfish benefit.

Why Bother Catching Them All?

Once upon a time this subject would have been centred around teenage boys trying to catch girls. Not anymore, as now with the release of 'Pokemon Go' it's suddenly become a question of which teenage boy can catch the most Pokemon. This app has had a huge impact on popular culture that I always knew would happen, but just didn't expect the impact to be this massive. I get the appeal, I really do. I've always wanted to catch them all, and this is by far the realest incarnation the franchise has gone through in its long and iconic history. It's also incredibly fun to play despite every player I've seen constantly catching absolute shit, so I suppose we have to say 'fair play' to Nintendo for creating a perfect life simulator filled with crushing disappointments. I've seen these feelings of self loathing and abject failure over and over again as I work at a Pokemon Gym. I'm not the leader of the gym, I'm just a guy that works in a corner shop located near a ridiculously powerful gym that destroys everyone who walks past. However despite the joys of watching everyone else fail and walking through graveyards at the dead of night catching Pokemon over people's graves there is always this feeling at the back of my mind that I've grown up and this is just entirely pointless. It's the first time I've ever experienced this feeling as a gamer, but then I suppose this is the first time I've watched friends happily postpone trips to the pub so they can go for a walk with the speculative hope they might catch some decent Pokemon. You know it's a dark day when kids now need an excuse to get out and about, and maybe this idea is too good to be true. The game certainly has a lot of safety concerns attached to it, as some kids even ended up on a railway track to try and catch something that isn't total wank. It's even worse in Bosnia where you have to be careful not to step on a landmine if you want that Charizard you always dreamed of catching. Maybe instead humanity needed a brain training app that got kids to got out in public more. Call me bitter but this app is now more popular than Tinder. Now that is entertaining, and in a way has a very relevant purpose to your life. Admittedly that doesn't cater for under eighteens very well considering there not of legal age to download the app, and Pokemon Go is a game far more purposeful than me prestiging on 'Call of Duty', but I'm not sure I want video games to end up like this. I'm sorry I know it's unhealthy but I want to be glued to my television screen all day if I am going to be playing video games, which may piss off Jamie Oliver and Theresa May, but that's all part of the fringe culture of being a video game nerd.

A Quick Message on the Baton Rouge Shootings
#policelivesmatteryoufuckingterrorists

...And Finally, This Great Letter From The Times

Morons of the Internet: The Know

This is the segment where I scour my favourite forums around the Internet and find some particularly interesting articles about current affairs told in the words of my favourite human beings.

In this edition we have those bloody Social Justice Warriors sticking their ugly beaks into video games again. Their agenda this time, to rewrite history.
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http://www.movienewsguide.com/battlefield-1-male-audience-no-female-soldiers/227830
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mV58sM37wAU
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Oh wow. It turns out no game is excluded from the wrath of the Social Justice Warriors, who now want to be able to play as female soldiers in the front lines during World War One. They actually have evidence this time for their concerns, claiming that women did see combat during The Great War, and actually that statement is largely correct. However that statement is also incredibly misleading. You see women saw nowhere near the amount of action that men did, often being used in backstage roles such as nurses and munitions. Some women did see action in the navy, however almost zero ever saw action on the frontlines where 'Battlefield One' is set. Hopefully there will be an emphasis on the vital backstage roles women played in the story of the game, however multiplayer is set right inside the action, so for female soldiers to be present would be a strange move for developers 'DICE' to make, even if female roles in the armed forces do have my eternal gratitude. The actual number of women soldiers in the First World War is remarkably few when compared to the male dominated armies. There was a women's battalion created in Russia to help raise morale and just generally show off a bit, however only one battalion of this scheme was ever used on the frontlines. That's 1000 women maximum. But the thing is that Russia isn't even included in Battlefield 1, which means women shouldn't be featured in the game at all. Even if we ignore the fact Russian forces aren't in the game we still have a huge hyperinflation of female soldiers that is absolutely nowhere near the estimated 65 million male soldiers. If we do some Christoforge maths we discover that women made up 0.002% of the total front line soldiers, which in a 64 player multiplayer game is proportionate to 0.00128 women being depicted on the battlefield. For even a single woman to be proportionally represented on the battlefield women would need to make up 1.5% of the total front line soldiers. That's 975,000 soldiers. Can you honestly forgive a historically accurate game that inflates figures 975 times? There's another issue as well, because if you're being given free reign over customisation there's never going to be the occasional woman on the battlefield, especially as female characters have the advantage of being smaller targets on average, and this is going to make the multiplayer experience feel very unrealistic considering that the majority of players are going to be aware that women were an incredibly rare sight in the trenches. There's an incredibly fine line between allowing guns to be more reliable than their real life counterparts and just flat out lying, as many of these features lead to a better user driven experience. Making guns and parachutes more reliable than reality is an inherently plausible scenario, where as simply shoehorning women into the game because of political correctness will feel completely artificial. As a developer who wants to create a realistic historical adaptation you just can't make exceptions that are so monumentally unrealistic, especially when these exceptions alter the whole fucking premise. And then to top it all off it's male gamers who are being blamed for this apparently sexist move, because apparently the video game industry thinks that female gamers have no sense of reality. I just hate how this has to become a gender issue instead of recreating history. And like many gender issues in modern video games this outrage has now leaked into a minor scandal.

This is one of the premier gaming channels on YouTube, yet just look at how poorly done this video is. I'm not against the odd episode of 'The Know', it's often quite informative. However in this episode they think that simply stating that women should be included because of the current year is a valid argument. They claim to look at both sides of the argument, but it's clear from their comparisons with other shooters that have women in the game that this is a piece designed to echo a stupid and narrow minded attitude that all games should follow. The key difference between 'Battlefield One' and the games referenced in this video is that the ones that do feature female soldiers are all fictional. They're shooters set in the future, not a historical recreation. I'm sure you could also say it wouldn't be a stretch to add Mahatma Gandhi as a playable character, who is also irrelevant to the historical context, but it is 2016, which is now apparently a validation for rewriting history. Fuck it, if we're going down the fictional route I would love to see realistic tanks replaced with models of Stephen Hawking. Just put some caterpillar tracks on his chair and watch him go; it is 2016. If we're actually sensible we could argue that female drivers have previously raced in Formula One, so why shouldn't Formula One games have a feature where you can play as a female racing driver despite the fact that in the time period the game is simulating there isn't any female drivers racing in the sport? That's the sort of attitude this video is supporting, and it's really fucking stupid.

What I hate most about this issue is the idea social justice and equality should come before the developer's vision for their own game. As a consumer you don't have the right to start dictating what you want from a game, as that takes this art form into the territory of a popularity contest. The article in particular about this apparent travesty is written by somebody who obviously has no idea about the video game industry unless it's fucking candy crush. But you don't even need to be a serious gamer to see how stupid this argument is. Stop ignoring reality to moan about things that don't conform to your view of the world. I know history hasn't been kind to women, especially in the First World War where women in many countries still couldn't vote. That's a terrible thing, but it's the ugly truth, and this game is trying to be faithful to those ugly truths. I'm sure nobody at 'DICE' is happy with the attitudes towards women at the time, but what this game is showing is that those attitudes did exist, and how the world of today is thankfully far more inclusive. I understand that games don't have to be and often aren't incredibly realistic, but that doesn't mean you should start altering factual history in the name of social justice.

Morons of the Internet: The Verge (11/07/16)

This is the segment where I scour my favourite forums around the Internet and find some particularly interesting articles about current affairs told in the words of my favourite human beings.

In this edition we have the usual bashing of video games from the press, that like usual is told by an ignorant journalist who just relies on assumptions rather than evidence to try and portray video games as some evil creation. 
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http://www.theverge.com/2016/6/12/11914658/electronic-arts-e3-press-conference-gun-violence
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The first issue here is why there's such an issue with video game developers marketing violent titles? Why does the video game market have to be a paragon of moral consciousness? You have absolutely no evidence to insinuate that the people over at EA didn't care or weren't affected by the Orlando Shootings, and instead unfairly take the messages from these conferences completely out of context. I don't know if the penny has dropped yet, but like in most businesses developers want to sell their products to a mass market, and a big appeal in the video game market is violence. However just because violence is a prevalent theme in video games, this does not instantly mean that gamers are going to start shooting people in nightclubs, because what you fail to grasp here is that this violence is fictional. You can find a correlation between a lot of things, but until you have actually found a strong link between video game violence and the Orlando Shootings you simply cannot make these damning allegations. It doesn't matter how realistic the violence may look and feel, because like you said at the end of the day this is a game that revolves around machines killing you, so it's hardly going to be anything worse than 'Terminator'. Many other violent films of course are heavily promoted to the mass market, so why shouldn't they be sharing some of the blame in this article? You also fail to acknowledge that video games aren't an entirely evil construct, and in fact video games have many positive merits to gamers all over the world. Maybe you feel gamers don't need so much violence in video games, and that's fine if you do have that opinion, but don't start chastising others in such a bullying and condescending tone when it's clear that you know nothing about the video game industry.

The gun violence 'felt' strange did it? Well it may well have done, but this violence is fictional. I don't know how many times I'm going to have to spell that out for you, but unless you can find evidence better than sourcing your own feelings then this is simply a pointless argument. You still haven't even produced a link that this violence has an effect on the behaviour of gamers, yet still continue to generalise with more vague and assumptive points. Sure you can draw all the similarities you want and claim they're 'uncanny', but surely you must be able to see the difference between fictional violence and the reality of a very serious tragedy; but then again this article is written like someone who's five years old.

As if the Orlando Shootings wasn't enough gamers are now apparently not appalled by the events of the First World War. This guy is a fucking dick for taking the moral high ground and claiming that gamers don't care about the men who sacrificed their lives for their country a century ago. This is such a strawman argument that has nothing to do with the argument in question, only making the author sound like a deplorable person for even suggesting such a brandishing accusation. It's clear that this article is clearly just blaming video games in the wake of a tragedy based on nothing but anecdotal evidence. In all honesty there isn't an argument in this piece, so to link an event to a cause that clearly isn't related is incredibly stupid. How this man can sleep at night knowing the shit he posts on the Internet is my biggest question from this piece. To conclude there is no causative evidence that links video games and violence. Don't take my word for it, take the words of renowned researchers. Amazing how in one sentence I've made a better argument than this whole piece. Some amazing journalism here mate.

Top 10 Rap and Hip Hop Artists

I must be the perfect man to countdown the best of the hip hop industry, as not only do I hate the rap culture in general, but I also tend to dislike the music produced by artists who I would consider sub standard at their best. Still, I respect the genre as an art form, so I will try as objectively as possible to countdown who I consider the best in the business.

#10 Rakim (1985-)

Rakim is largely considered the last O.G in the world of hip hop, or 'last original gangster' for the more civilised among us. This lasting legacy is predominantly because his fresh style managed to usher in a new age of hip hop that would take the 90's by storm. As opposed to the old cheesy formula of hip hop Rakim had an incredibly smooth style that fit his simple yet effective beats. Sounds a simple feature for a hip hop artist now, but in the late 80's this approach was a breath of fresh air from the usually high energy world of hip hop. His now legendary partnership with DJ Eric B was one of the greatest combinations in hip hop history, with Rakim being able to display his full range of skills as an MC, with Eric B producing some heavily sampled and high impact instrumentals for the almost perfect combination of style and substance.

To this day Rakim is still considered by many to be the greatest MC of all time, and his 1987 debut album 'Paid in Full' has often been cited as the greatest hip hop album of all time. It's easy to see why. The man could rhyme just about anything he wanted too, and yet still made the delivery sound effortless in execution. Flow is a big topic often discussed in the rap business, and this man had a ton of it. With the debut album also came a new typical persona for rappers everywhere, so I suppose we also have this man to thank for the larger than life rapper trope that's common today, as Rakim kept banging on about how great he was on the mic; which he was, but we didn't need to keep hearing about it. I honestly hate the self centred approach in the majority of rappers, but I guess that's just another indication of how influential this man was on the business.


#9 LL Cool J (1984-)

'Ladies Love Cool James'. How hip hop is that name? LL Cool J might not be the biggest gangster in the business, but he still had the persona of a credible performer from the streets, even if he did heavily infuse many pop elements into his work. This merging of two opposites actually worked to an advantage, as although this man's sound is nowhere near as gritty as gangsta rap, it did lead to mainstream success, and with this success came an increased diversity in his material. The results of this diversification are some genuinely good songs like the one above that still tick all the boxes in the credible rapper list.

We see a completely different side to hip hop when viewing LL Cool J in comparison to rappers such as Rakim. LL Cool J doesn't really care how technically brilliant his songs are, and doesn't view them as a form of poetry, instead throwing in elements that are all over the place both in terms of pacing and overall style. Nothing is ever too flashy for an LL Cool J song, which mostly revolve around the simple formula of a plain beat and some hardcore mic work; A far cry from the earlier rap work that LL Cool J helped to eradicate. The man now fronts the very popular 'Lip Sync Battles' on television, and stars in roles for film and TV, which shall we say are mixed. LL Cool J is also a serious bodybuilder, so maybe I won't be slagging off his other ventures in this article.


#8 Run DMC (1981-2002)

Yeah okay Run DMC are more rock than any other hip hop artists on this list, but they're undeniably a huge part of the culture. The fact that they liked to put more rock influenced sounds into their work is probably why I like them so much, although the word 'like' is very tenuous in that sentence. The trio of Joseph Simmons, Daryl McDaniels and Jam Master Jay became a staple of the 1980's hip hop scene. In short they made rap a popular genre, and introduced that now iconic style to the masses. DMC gained the first gold certified album, the first platinum certified album, and the first mutliplatinum certified album of any hip hop artists in history, paving the way for the so called golden age of hip hop.

The success of the group had the foundations in their perfect image for a genre centred around the streets. They had the style, they had the image, and they had a solid selection of tunes that are all uniquely produced. That was until their final album, 'Crown Royal', released in 2001, that was essentially just an argument and lacked the chemistry and style of their original material. The final nail in the coffin for the group was when Jam Master Jay was shot dead in 2002 outside his recording studio in New York, which I suppose is at least committing fully to the stereotypical rapper image that these man help popularise. There's no denying that Run DMC's influence on popular music is legendary, and they have since been inducted into the 'Rock and Roll Hall of Fame' in 2012, becoming the second hip hop artists to achieve that feat. That's just another one of the many records that this influential band managed to achieve for the hip hop community.


#7 Snoop Dogg (1992-)

How can you not love the character and charisma of Snoop Dogg, or whatever he's going by these days? Snoop Lion was my personal favourite, which is a name he adopted after converting the Rastafarian movement. Snoop whatever his surname is, is certainly an all round entertainer. He's not one of the most talented rappers out there, but he has such a widespread appeal from his charisma that I'm sure everyone has happily dropped one of his bangers before and not felt in any way guilty. He's sold thirty five million albums worldwide, which include the decent 'Doggy Style', the not so good 'The Doggather', and most recently 'Doggumentary'. Many of these classic albums are still played in clubs today, showing the guy has lost none of his appeal to the masses. He's even ventured into television starring in the amazing 'Doggy Fizzle Televizzle'.

Once you get past the brilliant persona you discover that Snoop isn't a hardcore rapper, rather relying on a cool melodramatic tone to perfectly accompany that 70's soul vibe you get from his work. His music is a bit like being taken on a psychedelic experience, and in fact Snoop is often quite famously on drugs, somehow managing to freestyle through song after song no matter how baked he might be. Snoop may have made a name for himself through the gangster rap scene, but he's now far away from the gangster that Dr. Dre helped to establish into a household name. Now Snoop is just the cool guy of the rap genre that everybody loves. He claims to smoke eighty cannabis blunts a day, is a self proclaimed certified pimp, and is one of the best selling hip hop artists of all time. What a guy.


#6 Notorious B.I.G. (1992-1997)

When you talk about iconic figures in the rap game then Christopher Wallace has to be near the forefront of every conversation. Both this man's unique style and persona were never matched by any other artists to the same extent. Listening to the state of rap music nowadays it's embarrassing how far it's fallen from the technical proficiency and raw talent of Wallace. Everything about this man's game was silky smooth. The flow in his songs is effortlessly done and often varied to accommodate complex rhyming schemes, and this smooth and cool tone came to be the iconic factor about East Coast rap, that until 'Biggie' came along was floundering against its West Coast rivals.

Unlike all the fake 'playas' in the game this guy was an actual gangster. He used to hustle to feed his daughter, and you can feel that tough upbringing in his raw and direct style of rapping. He tells a captivating story that despite its questionable legitimacy is instantly believable. The man was an institution in the now infamous East Coast-West Coast feud, which ultimately led to the death of Wallace in 1997, when not surprisingly he was shot outside of an LA nightclub, as nearly any rapper from that time was. Wallace was a prime target in this feud considering his high profile rivalry with Tupac Shakur on the West side, despite 'Biggie' never actively 'dissing' his rivals. His subsequent double album, titled 'Life After Death', is one of the few hip hop albums to ever be certified diamond, and also a fitting tribute to a great career.


#5 Kanye West (1996-)

What separates Kanye West from the majority of rappers is his ability to produce a hit. He always has that second nature of knowing what will sell, and if it isn't a quality product you just know it will get people talking. I know there's going to be a lot of hate for putting him above 'Biggie', but Kanye is a man who knows the music business like no other, even if he is a monumental wanker. He was even called a 'jackass' by President Barack Obama, and when that happens you know you've been a massive cunt. I hate to be the one to blow smoke up this guy's ass, because he does that enough as it is anyway, but Kanye is a man we can thank, which really might not be the right word to use, for the modern rap industry. He's not some gangster or hustler, just a self aware guy who loves to talk about himself, and that's about it. That might not sound like an accomplishment, but apparently it is.

Not only is Kanye responsible for the transition of the rap genre from being dominated by thugs to twats, but he's also the man that gave his style of rap a more commercially viable edge when compared to the more classic rap of old. West tends to ignore strong themes in favour of appealing to a broader audience. That's the way he's always played it, and in many ways that's worked out more than fine. I can't say I'm a fan of that style, and just watching his Glastonbury main event slot is proof as to why I hate that style so much, but it has allowed Kanye to get very creative over the course of his career, which I guess can be viewed as a positive. The man does appear to care about his work, and in all honesty that's what's missing from much of popular music these days. Just listening to a single one of his albums is like watching a musical variety show, and I respect that about his ethos. Just wish he'd stick clear of that autotune though. When looking through his library there's a lot of shit to sift through thanks to that shite.


#4 Nas (1991-)

Nas, which I believe is short for Nasir Jones and not the National Autistic Society or Network Attached Storage, is often cited as one of the most gifted rappers of all time. Nas' debut album 'Illmatic' is to this day seen as possibly the greatest rap album of all time, containing material that encapsulates everything that made rap such a mainstay in 90's culture. He was 19 when that debut album was released. Nineteen. If a musician can produce that quality at that age then it tells you he's something special. hen you actually listen to 'Illmatic' it becomes instantly clear why Nas is so highly regarded. The production value is fantastic, and the atmosphere and lyrics of each song are just so perfect for the culture of the time.

The only thing that matches Nas' ability to produce a quality album is his equally brilliant ability to MC, spitting some bare bars as I believe they say in the hood. With 'Illmatic' you get a glimpse into some mesmerising stories in the ghetto told by an angry young man who will take on anyone, whether that be society itself or hip hop legends like Jay Z. Over his career Nas has proven that he's a one of a kind MC that runs rings round all the others in terms of raw ability. He's since fallen off the radar, popping up occasionally in such stupid shit as appearing in Justin Bieber songs. But let's just remember the legend that brought the gritty realism of 90's gangsta rap to life.


#3 Eminem (1992-)

Eminem is often revered as one of the greatest rappers ever, having an extraordinary diversity in his content that appeals to a great many people. He's one of those rappers that you can really make an emotional connection to, and his rhymes often tell a deep personal story that's relatable to many of his fans. With his work we've comprehensively covered such huge topics like rape and murder, that although might not be taken as seriously as they should be are still powerful elements in some very powerful work. To say the man's lyrics were charged would be an understatement, and over the years Eminem has rapped about burying his dead wife, and how people plan to kill US presidents, and most shockingly of all talking a lot of smack about his own mother, which I can confirm is not a solid strategy.

Eminem is always at his best when he's trying to shock the audience. Take his latest hit 'Phenomenal' as an example. That's just meaningless and dull drivel that in no way does justice to a man with the capabilities of Eminem. Sure it still has that 'bouncing around on stage for ten minutes' content that Eminem just loves, but it's not got that sound lyrical content that makes Eminem the great artist that he once was. Both as an artist and producer Eminem has shown he has a serious ear for rhymes, and so it's pleasing to see this talent has translated into big album sales. Eminem is one of the best selling artists of the modern age, eclipsing the statistics of his compatriots, and is thought to have sold over 170 million albums worldwide. The man also has over six billion views on Youtube and the sixth biggest selling artist in the USA, so this man has very much left a lasting legacy on the world of hip hop.


#2 Tupac Shakur (1987-1996)

Despite portraying himself as a big gangster figure, Tupac was a philosophical and poetic genius to many people. His lyrics have such great meaning and speak tremendous volumes about Tupac's strong views on the society he lived in, often revolving around race and social issues, although they were sometimes heavily disguised under the usual rap bravado. It wasn't just about showing off though like we see these days, and there was a deeper, introspective meaning behind this bigging up that separates Shakur from the usual rapper cliches. In many ways this is one of the most prominent and inspiring figures in the music industry. That inspiration may come from deep inside his lyrics, as in reality violence is at the forefront of almost everything this rapper did. That's reflected in his personal life too, having incidents where he threatened to beat fellow rappers up with baseball bats and shooting police officers. He's even the only man to ever have a Billboard 200 number one whilst serving time in prison, so I don't think there's any denying that this man was a proper gangster.

His 1996 album 'All Eyez on Me' is widely regarded as one of the best hip hop albums ever produced. Every single word of that album comes from Tupac's heart. You get the sense he actually cares about the message he's trying to carry, no matter how shocking that might be to some. He's a truly extraordinary individual who let the music do the talking. Tupac's life was cut short when he was shot in 1996, in which he had to be placed in a barbiturate induced coma because he kept trying to get up after being shot four times, which is pretty much all you need to know about the guy. His legacy has become arguably the greatest in the rap industry, becoming the flagbearer for people who transform their musical genres and ideas into a credible art form. Arguably Tupac has been more active since his death, and now is considered a legendary artist by almost anyone of any persuasion.


#1 N.W.A. (1986-1991)

In my opinion the greatest hip hop artists of all time were the boys 'Straight Outta Compton'. I'm of course referring to their most famous lineup: Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, Eazy-E, DJ Yella, and MC Ren. 'N.W.A.' literally stands for 'Niggaz with Attitude', and they certainly bought attitude into mainstream hip hop with their strong lyrics and direct demeanour towards authority being instrumental in their success. They were the only guys in the genre speaking their mind, and the N.W.A. certainly knew how to put their ideas into their songs, which lyrically are all sublime, and are all perfectly accompanied by some fast paced beats and stellar production.

This group's now legendary lyrics and themes were seen as such a danger to the American population that the FBI actually sent them a warning letter in response to the now iconic 'Fuck The Police' track. The N.W.A. dominated the rap scene in the late 80's despite only releasing just the two albums, which says a lot about how powerful and influential those two releases were. This now legendary partnership ended in 1991 over pay disputes, which led to a lengthy feud from all parties involved. The group only reconciled after Eazy E's death from AIDS in 1995, by which time all members of the group had become legends in the hip hop game.