This is the segment where I scour my favourite forums around the internet
and find some particularly interesting articles about current affairs
told in the words of my favourite human beings.
In this edition we have a teacher who's decided that blatant discrimination is the way forward when hammering home the message of equality, which she has absolutely no issue with. This isn't exactly breaking news, as the article was released last year, but the subject here is moronic enough to easily warrant a place in my hall of shame.
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http://www.bainbridgereview.com/news/343127562.html
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'Gender equality' is going to be a term used a lot in this article, as apparently restricting one gender from playing with a certain toy conforms to that idea. Obviously there must be a silent 'equality' in this version of gender equality, because the mere fact that one gender is being restricted in their use of toys based on nothing but gender clearly isn't any kind of equality. Even the term 'free choice' is redundant here considering half the class evidently don't have any form of free choice when it comes to the toys they play with. Obviously this is the classic feminist gender equality, that only serves to benefit girls because apparently this counters oppression. Not content with being a massive hypocrite this teacher then proves she's also a lying asshole to her own KINDERGARTEN STUDENTS. Why the fuck are you blatantly lying to them? I know they're not going to understand what gender equality is all about, but then again neither do you by the sounds of it, but that doesn't excuse being an absolute bitch when in a position of trust. You can claim you don't want them to feel bad, but then I have a tip for that. Let them play with the Lego. The boys obviously want to play with the Lego, so preventing them is just going to cause friction in their attitudes towards teachers. You don't have to be Mary Poppins to work that one out. These kids look up to you as an example, don't let them become asshats in order for you to impose your narrative on young children.
To be fair to this woman there is truth behind her claims that Lego has been shown to aid development skills in children, and she's also correct in saying that women only comprise of 24% in American STEM subjects, however that doesn't excuse this mental leap that assumes girls entering into careers other than STEM fields haven't been playing with Lego is just moronic, which is clear from her lack of evidence. It's even more stupid to then complain about gender stereotypes and then enforce your own in the very non-scientific discipline of being a nursery school teacher. Surely the message here should not be forcing children into playing with their associated toys, so why the fuck this teacher is restricting boys from playing with Lego is beyond me considering she wants classroom equality, but then I'm sure this lady comes from the 'men can't experience sexism' school of feminism. No wonder we're still 'so far behind in promoting gender equality'. Surely it couldn't possibly be because of moronic teachers like this one. No, let's all blame the toymakers. How dare those evil toymakers have a target market. Almost like they want to make a profit isn't it? Face it, boys like playing with Lego, some girls do too. The number of girls playing with Lego is lower than the number of boys, and that's why the product is primarily aimed at boys. There's no patriarchal conspiracy here, just supply and demand economics. Stop using your flawed logic to try and justify being a sexist bitch.
How dare these kids try and decide what they want to play with. In my funny little world I thought that gender equality was all about empowerment and liberation. But not here, no here in this KINDERGARTEN children are being forced to play with their associated toys. And yet the teacher still feels there is absolutely nothing hypocritical about that scenario. Then this woman gets even worse, as not only does this bitch lie to the children, she also lies to the school board. What a nasty piece of work. By all means encourage the girls to play with the Lego you selfishly acquired for them, hell even bribe them if it comes to that, but why should the male kids suffer from this blatant sexism? I know according to your narrow minded narrative they're the devil in disguise for simply playing with toys they want to, but how about letting kids be kids. The world isn't a nice place to live in, so let's not bring that attitude into a nursery school.
Fair. Fair. Never has that word looked more out of place. They do say the worst kinds of people are those who've convinced themselves their evil actions are a positive thing. My biggest worry is where this attitude will stop. Will this teacher start criticising students who do better in test scores, and purposefully restrict them from learning more until others have caught up? You get the impression that this woman thinks she's some sort of visionary who will save these children from the oppressive world, yet in reality she's just a carer of the lowest form. You shouldn't be allowed to control the personal lives of these kids. You're a pathetic teacher whose finding every possible way to promote girls in the name of gender equality, when in reality the equality part of that statement never even crosses your mind. This bitch is one of the reasons why there is so much gender disparity being flung around popular culture, but that won't stop her from being a power hungry asshole of the highest level.
It's no surprise why action films dominate Hollywood. The often exhilarating genre is so damn great to watch for anyone that feels just a teeny bit masculine every now and then. Each film is made up by round after round of jaw-dropping scenes that are often so diverse in their composition. Here is a list of the ten best, including some that didn't quite make the cut.
Bourne Supremacy - Moscow Car Chase: Exhilarating, over the top, and all round entertaining. A perfect scene that sums up what makes this action orientated series so great. Ben Hur - Chariot Race: Who knew horse racing could be so entertaining to watch? Apocalypse Now - Helicopter Attack Scene: Such a simple scene that perfectly portrays the horrors and duality of war. Subtle one minute, shocking the next, but always absolutely brilliant. Mad Max: Fury Road - The Whole Film: Seriously, this film was just one cool action sequence after another. Really well directed as well. A Scene From Troll 2: Okay maybe not, but the action in this scene is forever stuck in my mind.
#10 Bullitt - Car Chase (1968)
'Bullitt' was a film released during the time when car chases were all about that raw adrenaline rather than just an action fest that relies on big explosions and unbelievable coincidences to succeed. The car chase in this film looks real at every second, even if the cars had been extensively modified beforehand. That is genuinely lead man Steve McQueen driving the car himself in the pursuit, even cocking up every now and again, but still always looking awesome, because at the end of the day it's Steve McQueen in a classic Mustang. The streets of San Francisco are a perfect backdrop for this energetic car chase. Every ounce of that change in street elevation is used in this scene, and the camera often focused inside the actual cars gives you that sense of motion. It makes you quite travel sick at times, and that's because you're right in the action as a viewer. It's no surprise this sequence was voted the best car chase in history, because it just is. It's amazing to think that a film from 1968 has that distinction, but that's just how great and revolutionary this chase was.
#9 Fist of Fury - Bruce Lee Fight Sequence (1972)
Just look at that man go. Bruce Lee is always an icon in any action scene, but this one was his most masterful. Like usual it's simply Lee fighting against the odds versus a whole army, kicking their asses and looking like a total boss in the process. Just watching this makes me feel like the manliest person alive. Some of the shots visibly miss my a million miles, but at the end of the day it's Bruce Lee beating a lot of people up, so what's not to love? #8 Aliens - Powerloader vs Queen (1986)
I love the various brilliant action sequences that litter 'Aliens', especially the ones centred in the alien's nest. However in terms of how iconic the final scene is in the world of pop culture the powerloader sequence has to get the nod. This iconic scene originated with a plot twist that came out of absolutely nowhere. As a viewer we've just recovered from one hour of pure unadulterated action, and just when you think the film has just had its epic climax the Alien Queen, which looks fucking terrifying, returns to fight Sigourney Weaver in an epic showdown. Hell-fucking-yes. How fun must this fight have been to film? It's so fucking awesome in every aspect, with every moment being such a great show to watch. One of the best movie villains in sci-fi and action film history versus Sigourney Weaver being a total badass is exactly how every action director wishes they could end a film. To top it all off there isn't even any special effects involved, it's just good old fashioned clever cinematography to create one of the ultimate movie battles.
#7 Scarface - Tony's Last Stand (1983)
It's quite hard to breakdown what makes this action scene so great as in reality this is just a few minutes of constant gunfire. It's full bloodied action at its best. There are many of these scenes in Scarface, but the final scene was the one that brought the idea of a criminal lifestyle home in poignant fashion. Is there any line any more quotable in any action scene than "say hello to my little friend"? I'm not sure there is. Al Pacino is his usual brilliant self as a drug kingpin, dominating the scene from start to finish like any good lead actor should, but his charismatic performance as Tony Montana just makes both the film and this scene. Pacino loves to play characters who are larger than life, and so when playing a drug lord larger than life the film to centres on him very quickly in almost every scene. That pays off in this epic climax where the man looks totally at home in a huge gunfight, never relying on the usual action flick cliches, minus a few questionable features. In all honesty I don't care though, as how is it humanly possible to dislike Al Pacino's performance here?
#6 The Matrix - Lobby Fight (1999)
I often criticise action films for being too brash and over the top. 'The Matrix' did contain a lot of elements that were brash and over the top, but also has scenes like this one that I'll forgive considering that the whole point is to show off the brash and over the top cinematography. The gun fighting would be nowhere near as iconic if it wasn't for that over the top style that's just unbelievable to watch. Everything from the wall running, to the flips, to the slow motion bullets is just so fucking awesome, and only made possible by the landmark special effects in this film, that for the first time showed the action genre just what was possible when you inject some heroine into the traditional film shootout.
Both the gunplay and martial arts shown in this scene are absolutely mental. A joy to watch, and far more intricate than any generic action shootout. Is it cliche at times? You bet your ass it is, and actually the scene tends to play out like an overdone superhero movie. We'll forgive those elements though as this scene was different, revolutionary, and actually had some deep meaning behind it. Well there's a deep meaning behind everything in 'The Matrix'; it just so happened to get lost in all the bullets here. The real plus point here though is just how well edited and directed this scene is. It's so vibrant and dynamic throughout that at no point does it become anything other than edge of your seat viewing, which is what every action film should be all about. It's no surprise that over the years this has become one of the most iconic action scenes of all time, and a landmark for what's possible in a simple shootout.
#5 Heat - Shootout Scene (1995)
Oh Michael Mann you are a genius of a director. This is like an action film orgasm. A breathtaking few minutes of action that's just so incredible to watch over and over again. I'm not really sure what makes this scene so memorable. There's so many different elements of quality cinematography on display here, but my money is on how the sound is used to paint the scene. To begin with the music builds the scene up so brilliantly, but then just stops through the middle portion to make way for the raw, monumental sound of an epic gunfight. You almost don't need moving images with this level of craftsmanship. This is a scene that loves to strip away various elements until the viewer is left with a bare bones gunfight on such an epic scale.
The whole atmosphere in this scene is so immersive. You can actually feel the terror and destruction of this scenario. It's just such an action packed spectacle that encapsulates what edge of your seat viewing should be all about. However the main event here is Al Pacino vs Robert DeNiro. We already know what Pacino can do when an action sequence revolves around his acting, and we already know DeNiro can also do a fine job leading an action flick, but when they're together with a strong supporting cast the results are like clockwork. Technically this is as good as any movie scene ever.
#4 Die Hard - Roof Jump (1988)
Now this scene is how you put an exclamation mark on a film that has already redefined how to blow everything up. What a testosterone filled explosion-fest this is this, and one that perfectly encapsulates why everyone loves 'Die Hard' as a film and the action genre in general. In reality the whole film is just one big explosion, but this was the best of the bunch, opening doors for other action flicks to go above and beyond in terms of drama. I don't think any scenes since have ever really beaten this classic in terms of 'holy shit', even when there's been plenty of films since where everything blows up.
Bruce Willis was an absolute boss in this film, that much we can all agree, but it was this moment that cemented his legacy as an action hero legend. Who gives a shit if this stunt probably isn't possible in the real world? I'm not sure reality has that much impact in the over the top 'Die Hard' universe, and this scene showed us all that reality isn't necessarily the best thing in the world. In all honesty I don't care much for realism when there's both a huge explosion and an epic slow motion stunt in the same frame, both shot to perfection. This stunt must have taken some seriously good directing to get right, but the results are nailed for maximum impact, and in a film as maximum impact as 'Die Hard' it's saying a lot when this is the most memorable scene.
#3 Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - Lightsaber Battle (1999)
There have been many great lightsaber duels in 'Star Wars' history, but the greatest in terms of action has to be this one. Of course it just has to be found at the end of the worst film in the franchise by a mile, but that still shouldn't let us hate on a brilliant action sequence. Face it, this scene is just so fucking cool. It has Darth Maul and his double red lightsaber versus a young Obi Wan AND Liam Neeson. These are the three most interesting characters in the film putting everything on the line in a thrilling climax. It looks absolutely stunning, the choreography cleverly lets the characters use as much of this alien landscape to fight as possible, and it has some fucking cool guys fighting with some fucking cool lightsabers. The ending is a bit questionable if I'm honest, and the film had wasted Darth Maul as a character until this scene, but for me this is still a high point in the franchise even if the overall film wasn't. In fact this scene alone almost makes the first film acceptable in my eyes.
If I was around in 1999, which I was but not very old, I would have creamed my pants at this intense and action filled that even today is still mesmerising to watch. Maybe that's due to the music known as 'Duel of the Fates', which is without question one of the most epic pieces of music to ever grace any film ever. John Williams is an amazing composer, and once again he uses his music to amplify the power of a scene by a country mile. Even when all these plus points are taken into account there's still morons on the internet brutally criticising the choreography in this fight, which in all honesty is one of the most anal and petty things I've ever come across. Has the penny not dropped yet that this is an entirely fictional scene? 'Star Wars' has always been about vibrant and fun scenes that discount realism for a sense of epic adventure, and that's exactly what this scene did perfectly. This scene may just be eye candy, as many others are on this list, but that doesn't really matter too much when it's so bloody fantastic to watch.
#2 Saving Private Ryan - Normandy Landing Sequence (1998)
I must be honest and say I'm not a huge fan of 'Saving Private Ryan'. The middle and final sections of the film just feel artificial and lack any character, which is a shame as the opening couldn't be more different. This is simply the greatest opening segment of any film ever. It's a scene that mixes together excessive action with an excess of brutality perfectly. It's not so much adrenaline packed, more appalling to witness in every aspect, genuinely shocking you with some horrific shots that drive home the message of war in a way that very few other films can. Everything is so brutally realistic. Every sound, every bullet, every cry for help resonates with the viewer. Here, in what can only be described as chaos that the viewer is just suddenly dumped in, you actually find yourself caring about each soldier's life on both sides of the conflict, and that is incredibly rare in the world of action films.
This sequence is so shocking because of how realistic it is. There were reports that World War Two veterans were walking out of cinemas because of how accurate this portrayal of death and destruction is. Even to those who have never experienced the fear of war on this scale we get a newfound appreciation for the sacrifice of the average man, which is a message driven home through ambitious and bloodthirsty scenes like this one. This is not an epic scene by any means. It's not glorious, it's not satisfying, and in no context is it enjoyable to watch. This is a pure depiction of barbarism. One of the most powerful scenes ever to make it onto the silver screen. Just a shame the rest of the film ran out of steam after this chaotic opening half hour.
#1 Ran - Castle Attack (1985)
Unfortunately there's not much footage on the internet of undoubtedly the greatest action sequence ever put on film, and maybe the greatest scene in cinema history full stop. Never have I ever witnessed so much gore and violence effortlessly combining on such a large scale. Akira Kurosawa is one masterful director on his day, and here he produces one of the most sophisticated pieces of art ever. Just about every single emotion in the human subconscious is found somewhere in this scene, but the emotion isn't just artificially crammed in, instead relying on a wealth of characterisation in individual characters to create such an epic narrative within a single scene. It's such a symbolic piece as well. The film tells the story of a warlord who tries to manufacture peace at the end of his life, only for the biggest battle of his life to ultimately ruin him and his own family. That's what this scene is a culmination of, and the viewer is guided through this symbolic landscape like they were the readers of a great novel.
Even despite showing the true brutality of war there is still something so transcendently beautiful about this scene. It's like watching one of those classic ballads written about heroic warriors, although in this ballad the viewer gets a balanced account of how war in general affects all parties in the play. This huge sequence showcases some of the finest shots ever put together in one film. The highlight has to be the stone cold feudal King's face as he contemplates suicide, totally in denial at the chaos inside the very room he's lodged in. What a compelling shot that is. Truly one of the all time greats.
But even ignoring that shot there is still so much more going on at about every different angle. It's almost overwhelming on a first time view with the sheer amount of artistry to take onboard. Each camera movement, each choreographed movement, each individual death comes with a fuckload of symbolism, but never allows the true scale of the battle to be forgotten or subsided behind the level of artistry shown here. Honestly if you manage to get your hands on this modern classic then you'll be blown away by this epic conclusion.
Another victim in the world of false rape accusations. This time it's both and a boyand his mother, who both committed suicide just months apart after a rape case on the innocent young boy was dropped. How many more lives need to be prematurely taken away before we finally learn that bullshitting about a serious incident can have huge repercussions. It's not okay in any respect to treat an innocent person like a criminal based on nothing but a hunch, because these are huge accusations being thrown around that have been proven to destroy the lives of families, yet still never get any attention from a modern culture so obsessed with justice in the face of sexual assault. In what fucking world is it okay to start naming and shaming innocent people whilst simultaneously protecting those that have purposely lied to a court in an attempt to ruin an innocent life? Even if the innocent party doesn't face the publish backlash of a false rape trial they must still be forced to pay huge legal bills, all because of some stupid allegations that people blindly believed without evidence. What I'm certainly not suggesting is that we should instantly dismiss alleged rape victims until there is a verdict, and I'm certainly not suggesting that we should start a crusade against those individuals who acted in a situation of danger irrespective of the verdict, but what we should be doing is condemning those who blatantly lie for their own benefit. You may think this is a rarity, but from 2009 to 2014 there were 109 people prosecuted for falsely accusing another of rape. Even when presented with this statistic pressure groups didn't show any sympathy for the alleged attacker who was found innocent, instead claiming that these criminals were treated unfairly. Turns out when the shoe is on the other foot everyone goes ape shit. But hey, so much for this idea of gender equality.
As a young man I'm repetitively told that not believing the victim full stop is the actions of a rape apologist, therefore contributing to a rape culture. All I say is look at the consequences of not being a 'rape apologist'. Maybe there would be far less of a so called 'rape culture' in this country if people stopped supporting lying parasites that still gain sympathy despite behaving like absolute scum, only encouraging more heartless individuals to lie in the face of justice. There is progress in Britain, with jail sentences being handed out to the worst of the bunch, but this isn't a big enough trend in my mind, with many countries still cocking around over a very serious matter. Even in the UK alleged rapists are still outed before a conviction like a witch hunt, so it's no surprise why many men feel the need to take their own lives. In my mind there should be a serious punishment for ruining another person's life, and until lying scum find out what life is like with the shitty end of the stick pointing in their direction then this is a trend that's only going to grow.
Fucking Cyclists
On a recent holiday to Holland I finally found the evidence I needed to condemn the common menace that are cyclists. The Dutch traffic system is proof that when cyclists gain power they ruin places for everyone. If you so happen to be a pedestrian in Holland, which many people are, then you're a second class citizen. There are more bikes than people in Holland, and at every available opportunity the Dutch are always on hand to remind the foreigners of this statistic. The Dutch are incredibly friendly to hopeless tourists like me, but they will all happily unite in anger when you stray into the path of a bicycle. When you actually try and do the menial task of crossing a road in Holland you come across the mammoth task of looking fifteen different directions at hoping that the sheer mass of bicycles, who don't follow any form of traffic signals because they're entitled cunts, don't plough into you. The signal of a green man for pedestrians means 'maybe you could try crossing now', instead of 'it's safe to cross'. Then once that enormity is finished you have to watch out for trams and cars who do like using roads, but will happily frequent the pavement if it suits their needs. The pavement in Holland is like a free area, and nobody gives a second thought about using it. To even function in a city like Amsterdam you need 360 degree vision, and if you don't, well cyclists will use their most lethal deterrent; their pathetic bells. Although to be fair bike bells in Amsterdam are a mark of death, as once you piss one cyclist off everyone in the city seems to hate you.
So why you ask is this an issue? Well aside from being bloody annoying it proves the chaos that occurs when you give cyclists a free key to the city. I would of loved Amsterdam had it not been for the constant fear of death or trampling every two seconds even when you're on the pavement. Yes I'm sure most Dutch people love cycling. I didn't ask any because they were all trying to kill me, but I will admit that this behaviour did improve in other Dutch cities, although there was still a sense that cyclists could do whatever they wanted without any consequences. Talk on your phone whilst riding? Fine. Take a fucking motorbike or even anything that faintly resembles a bike down a busy street? Fine. Let a pedestrian use the pavement? What the fuck are you doing. It's an amazing double standard that cyclists expect fast moving traffic to watch out for them, but then have the same attitude about slower moving pedestrians. Because it's clear all cyclists are morons, cyclists should never have the right of way. How have we as humans allowed this to happen to places around the globe we should treasure and enjoy? And more importantly why have we allowed it to happen to such a great country like Holland? Give cyclists Syria to muck around in, and don't let them ruin my trips to the various bars in the Netherlands. In Britain we have the perfect mentality of trying to scare the living hell out of cyclists, and it works; mostly. We don't get this insufferable plague of bikes adorning the pavements of Britain because we have a suitable deterrent for the pretentious bug that all cyclist have, the intolerant Great British motorist, who without a second thought will knock down any two wheeled vehicle that pisses him off. Cyclist being cyclists are always trying to be cunts, but that's the menace we as a society face, and us Brits realise this. Holland I implore you to stop letting cyclists have the power to ruin your beautiful country, because it's clear to me that your generosity has been taken advantage of. Yours sincerely, an ignorant tourist.
