If by some miracle you have missed out on the so called 'Ice Bucket Challenge' then you're one of the lucky ones. Tens of thousands of videos have been appearing all over my social media pages, and to be honest it's getting a bit tiring. The actual point of this 'challenge', apart from not being very productive, is to raise awareness for ALS (Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), or Lou Gehrig's Disease as it is more commonly known. The theory is that once a person has experienced what a person with ALS has to suffer with on a daily basis, then they will donate money to charity, although that part seems to have got left behind on most of videos I've seen, as has the ice part, it's now just a bucket of water. I guess the challenge part is just making the ice.
Now before I start I will acknowledge that this campaign has succeeded in its goal to promote the victims of ALS, many people I know didn't have a clue about it before this campaign, and I only really know about it through famous physicist Steven Hawking. This awareness has led to a huge increase in donations in the last month, which is thought to be over 42 million dollars, which is what they where previously getting in a year. This is a great achievement and I really hope it does finally eradicate this horrible condition that thankfully only affects a very few people. But my question is will that actually make a difference? The cold, hard truth is that ALS has been known since 1939, and in that time hundreds of millions of dollars have been donated for the sole advancement of a drug that prolongs the life of a patient by a few months. Surely it would be more sustainable to give moeny to charities that are constantly making breakthroughs, I can't help but feel my money would go to waste if I donate to ALS.
To this day I have not given a single penny to ALS. I will willingly give my time and money to other charities where I can see what happens to my funding. But with ALS I just get the sense that this will be wasted on things like awareness campaigns, and hell if billions of dollars can't cure it then why will my 10 quid? I just get the sense that this is going to end up like that campaign to end the life of African warlord Joseph Kony in 2012, that with its massive funding has done absolutely nothing. I would also rather give money to a charity that deals with a more major threat, such as Malaria. ALS only affects 2 in 100,000 Americans, whereas pandemics such as Malaria can harm billions. I know if I give money to aiding Malaria victims it will be spent on a sustainable method of a mosquito net or something similar, whereas funding drug related cures is not sustainable. I have a diagram below that really illustrates my point, and shows that donations are based on social trends, not the severity of the ailment:
What's more, this 'Ice Bucket Challenge' is now viral, which means the message is starting to be lost, and like these 'Movember' type schemes it just ends up feeding people's egos at the expense of another individuals suffering. The majority of videos I watch don't even specify that they're for charity, or even give a link on how to donate, they just seem to do it for their own vanity, so they can finally be accepted by their pitiful friends. There are many other ways to give to charity, if you want to do this by tipping a bucket of mildly cold water over your head then be my guest, but please don't pressure people into doing this poxy tradition. It may come as a surprise but you can be charitable without being a complete tit, especially if you're doing it for your own benefit which totally misses the point.
Now I'm not trying to convey that giving money to charity is wrong, in fact I would encourage you to give generously, but I feel this social fad is blocking the funds of much more deserving charities, local charities that genuinely need financial help to aid the community. Raising awareness can only get you so far, and my chart above proves that people don't donate out of sympathy, but because it's socially acceptable to do so. In short why not give your money to save a life, instead of exploiting one.
As I have stated time and time again, I truly believe that Nicki Minaj may just be the worst artist of all time, all her songs only seem to gain notoriety for being so hopelessly bad, and so I didn't hesitate in naming 'Stupid Hoe' as the worst song of all time, a title it won by a landslide. But the future may be a little bit brighter for Ms. Minaj as recent songs have shown a more mature sound, they haven't been very successful but I do believe she is finally growing up, and her next album will be at least a serious attempt at an album. Unfortunately I made this prediction before looking at that striking cover which would lead me to believe that nothing has changed, and that this will be yet another song that sells well because of her fake ass. I fear that the failing of her more mature work will lead her back to this provocative and shocking side that caused all the original problems that leads me and many others to loath her.
Before listening to the song I will say that the name 'Anaconda' is an intriguing title. Deep down I hope it will be a complex and meaningful metaphor, but I do realise that it will probably be yet another penis reference that seem to make their way into most of her songs. It doesn't help that this song has a grand total of six writers, including Minaj herself, which is just far too many, and it will probably end up in a crowded mess. It's not as if there particularly big names either, their past histories are atrocious, and it consists of the usual hippety-hoppety brigade that wear their hats the wrong way and can't spell their own names. They haven't exactly done much either, they've just rehashed a song that was originally shelved by 'Missy Elliot', which is a promising sign. If she turned it down there was obviously something fundamentally wrong with it, and I hardly think adding Minaj to the mix is going to help.
Now I don't review the videos in these articles, as music should always be about the song, but I will say that Minaj has successfully made this as raunchy as ever, using her body to tell the song, which is a bit of luck since she sounds absolutely terrible. But I guess it worked for her before, so why fix something that isn't broken, I'm sure it will make her a ton of money to which I sort of admire her in a way. What I don't admire however is the pointless cameo of Drake, he has absolutely no purpose whatsoever in the video and just sits there for a few seconds getting a lapdance. Why him? It doesn't really appeal to any other people since they're both in the rap genre. He has absolutely no purpose in being there. Another thing I will also say about the video is that I'm surprised there hasn't been any racism arguments yet. There are zero white people featured in the video, and the theme of black supremacy is almost glorified throughout the song, so why has their been no criticism? I feel if this was reversed then there would be a public outrage, funny how that works.
The actual song is just horrendous. The core elements of it are stolen from 90's classic 'Baby Got Back', which I never liked before, and still retain that opinion now. In fact it seems amazing to me how Nicki Minaj can even claim it's hers, she just fills in blanks on a song that's already been done, taking credit for it is like taking the credit for creating a crossword that you've just completed, she never has any claim to the song so all she has to do is perform, which she still manages to fail at.
Her voice is just the usual compilation of annoying noises and sounds absolutely terrible, proving again that she might have the worst voice in the world, which is quite important in a profession that requires it to a high standard. The way she performs it just makes it painful to listen to, everything from those annoying sound effects to the way she lingers on notes for no reason. I do applaud the production team's efforts, but even they failed at even making it sound bearable.
The annoying noises aren't even the worst problem, that comes from the way the song is constructed. It seems that the number of writers takes it toll by creating a terribly paced and executed song, it never flows at any stage, and all it has to accompany it is a generic rap beat that is probably recycled from every other popular rap song. This mess is summed up during the incredibly annoying chorus, that should ideally be used as the climax to the song, but ends up sounding like a jumbled mess, only serving to finally shutting Minaj up to give your ears a well earned rest. The only thing I can praise it for is being memorable. In a genre that is constantly developing this is very important to ensuring Minaj has any legacy, which thanks to this she probably will, although it surely can't be a positive one. You can't really escape from a song that is essentially about your own ass, which leads me on to discussing the terrible lyrics.
My anaconda don't My anaconda don't My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun
Here of course we first find out that the term 'Anaconda' is a metaphor for a penis. It's not a particularly good one, why you would want to compare it to a six meter long snake that strangles people is beyond me, it's not really something that I would brag about. The bad thing is that this is probably the high point of the song, because now we have to listen to Minaj's irritating voice.
Boy toy named troy, used to live in Detroit Big dope dealer money, he was getting some coins Was a shooter with the law, but he live in a palace Bought me Alexander McQueen, he was keeping my stylish
Now thats r-r-real, gun in my purse, bitch I came for us to kill Who wanna go first? I had them push daffodils I'm high as hell, I only took a half of pill I'm on some dumb shit
And what does Minaj choose to bring to the song, a provocative theme, brilliant. I would say I'm surprised about the song glorifying Minaj's body, but I'm really not, it's just another song about sex, which goes against this growing up part that I predicted. It's also the usual dodgy love scenario, falling for a drug dealer and murderer, way to keep it classy Nicki, I had hoped for a little. We also get a predictably pathetic cash in by referencing Alexander McQueen, who is a fashion designer that Nicki is affiliated with, but I would expect that in a song as meaningless as this.
By the way, what he say? He can tell I ain't missing no meals Come through and fuck em in my automobile And I'm hitting it with his girls, and he telling me to chill
And he telling me it's real, that he love my sex appeal Say he don't like em boney, he want something he can grab So I pulled up in the Jag, and I hit em with the jab like
(Chorus)
Now I didn't think Minaj was a doctor, but surely she should know that you can't tell how much someone eats by how big their rear end is. A basic education will tell her that food travels to the stomach, and so how much somebody eats has very little impact on the size of Nicki's ass. This doesn't really help her empowerment of women that is a constant theme throughout this verse, note how she is the one getting fucked in her own car, which can't really be taken seriously in a song about asses, almost seeming hypocritical. I also can't help but notice one of the worst rhyme schemes of all time, it's wherever is convenient, a fatal mistake in a genre that heavily relies on rhyme. It's not as if the words mean anything either, leading me to believe that this song was created with little care, and as a result feels very rushed.
This dude named Michael used to buy motorcycles Dick bigger than a tower, I ain't talking about Eiffel Real country ass nigga, let me play with his rifle Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he calling me NyQuil Now that bang bang bang, I let him hit it cause he slang cocaine He toss my salad like his name Romaine And when we done, I make him buy me romaine I'm on some dumb shit
(Chorus)
After some more insufferable noises we're back to the terrible metaphors, or at least poorly explained ones. She claims that this guys dick is bigger than a tower, and then rules out the Eiffel Tower in Paris, which is a rather large one. But it's said in a way that assumes there are only two towers in the world, like the listener instantly knows which tower she's talking about after ruling out the other one. For all we know that tower could be tiny, after all there are many towers in the world. We then resort to racial slurs, which is fine for a black person as that's how the hypocrisy of society sees things, and what 'tossing the salad' means is also a mystery, although it's probably slang for jacking him off, so all in all we have a very deep and meaningful song here, that might also be fucking disgusting.
Oh my gosh, look at her butt Oh my gosh, look at her butt Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Yeah, he love this fat ass Yeah, this one is for my bitches with a fat ass in the fucking club I said, where my fat ass big bitches in the club? Fuck the skinny bitches, fuck the skinny bitches in the club I wanna see all the big fat ass bitches in the motherfucking club Fuck you if you skinny bitches WHAT?
I got a big fat ass Come on
Back to the ass, why not, nothing else noteworthy throughout the whole song, this is almost the admittance that it's complete shite. We then insult thinner women, because they're about the only person not to be insulted yet, which I find slightly unecessary. I don't know what Minaj has against the skinnier women but my money is on jealousy, I think she needs to remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and not men who cream over women with butt implants, especially those who sound fucking dreadful.
Overall the lyrics just sum up the generic rap bollocks that has been plaguing the genre in recent years. They don't really mean anything, and I must have missed where the Anaconda part came in, the song isn't even about snakes or penises, so why it's called that I will never know. Although on the whole that is only a minor issue compared with the horrendous execution of a dreadful song, that to be fair was probably doomed to begin with. It's also a very bad sign, we're watching Minaj go back into her original genre, which is where she produced her worst work, and so I think this song was meant to be a sort of 'Sgt. Pepper' moment, that shows how Minaj's sound is developing, but thankfully that seems to have failed miserably. God help the rap genre if this is the best it can produce.
Science fiction films have been responsible for creating some of the most amazing worlds it is possible to imagine. So now I am going to rank my 10 favorites sticking to only film and television:
#10 Gallifrey (Doctor Who)
Notable Appearances: Doctor Who (3/10)
This is the home planet of The Doctor in the long running UK sci-fi series 'Doctor Who'. It is also the birthplace of the timelord race and it is situated 250 million light years away, making it much further than the boundaries of The Milky Way. I will personally admit that I have never been a fan of 'Doctor Who', I've always found it a bit 'British' and lackluster, but this screenshot taken from 'The End of Time' episode in 2007 looks absolutely awesome. Unfortunately that is one of the only times we ever get to see it, the rest of the time it's mentioned through casual conversation, much like many things in the series.
#9 Arrakis (Dune)
Notable Appearances: Dune (6/10)
This is a personal favorite of mine as it originates from the exceptional 1965 novel 'Dune' written by Frank Herbert, a book that I urge any sci-fi fan to read. The film was not so good to put it shortly, but it still made the setting look as awesome as it sounded in the book. Everything is as you would expect, it's a huge desert planet with no natural precipitation, the only water the indigenous people posses is harvested from the atmosphere to one day hopefully irrigate the planet and harbor life for future generations, just like a stereotypical desert.
The key plot point about this planet, and what makes it so awesome, is the fact that it contains the universes only source of a substance known as 'The Spice' which is a key part of galactic civilizations as it possess the power to extend an individuals life and make interstellar travel possible, so pretty damn important. That probably makes this the most valuable planet on this list, which is quite impressive for what is essentially a bowl of sand. Oh and did I mention it has 30m long giant sandworms, yep the local use them as transport. Still not convinced it's awesome?
#8 Naboo (Star Wars)
Notable Appearances: Star Wars Episode I (3/10)
The first outing for the Star Wars franchise on this list, and by no means the last. This is one of many forest planets from the franchise, but definitely looks and feels like the best one by quite a way. I would say Endor would finish second, despite it being a moon, but there really isn't anything that exciting about a lot of trees, no matter how much incest occurs there. Naboo has become famous throughout the galaxy for being the homeplace of marine creatures called Gungans, which share the planet with the much more advanced human race. The Gungans are a diverse species and there kind includes the likes of people like Brian Blessed, and unfortunately Jar Jar Binks, who nearly singlehandedly demoted this planet to being off my list completely. But fortunately for Naboo it is also home to Natalie Portman, who resides as their queen, so that's always a bonus.
As much as I hate the first Star Wars film, and trust me, there was a lot to hate, I still love seeing the beautiful capital city of Theed in all its CGI glory, it really does look rather stunning, a beautiful juxtaposition between renaissance and sci-fi. In fact it may just be the only good thing about the first film.
#7 Pandora (Avatar)
Notable Appearances: Avatar (1/10)
Pandora is the iconic setting to James Cameron's 'Avatar' that ended up becoming the highest grossing film of all time. The planet was discovered in 2129 and is cited by the franchise as being the most important discovery in recent human history, despite the fact that the atmosphere is toxic to humans. It is probably best known for being the only site in the universe where you are able to obtain 'Unobtanium', which is the stupidest name of all time, and unfortunately drives a very lackluster and generic plot.
Even though I hate the film I will still admit that the planet looks absolutely stunning. The atmosphere can be summed up by looking at the beautiful screenshot above that shows the planet in its full glory. At night however, everything becomes bio-luminescent which makes for some visually stunning sequences, even if the dialogue and plot inevitably let it down.
#6 Magrathea (Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy)
Notable Appearances: Hitchiker's Guide to The Galaxy (7/10)
This planet is central to the plot of the cult classic 'Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy' which was a nice film adaptation to the legendary Douglas Adams novel. Magrathea is located at the heart of the Horsehead Nebula, which is approximately 1500 light years away from Earth. Magrathea is best known for being the center for luxury planet building, which sounds as awesome as it is. In fact Earth itself was formed by the Magratheans to answer the greatest questions in life, which made Magrathea the richest place in the universe. Having said all that, does it really get much better than luxury planet building?
#5 LV 426 (Alien)
Notable Appearances: Alien (8/10)
Okay so this is technically a moon, but does it really matter? All that should matter is that it's awesome, which it is. Acheron, as it's more commonly known, orbits the planet Calpamos, which is approximately 39 light years away from Earth. It was the setting in the original 'Alien' film where the 'Nostromo' travels to investigate a mysterious signal, which of course would later be revealed as a nest of xenomorphs. That fact alone puts this moon high on my list, xenomorphs are easilly one of the most iconic villains in sci-fi history. The above picture is of the Ilium mountain range which to me perfectly reflects the dark and hostile environment that surrounds the 'Alien' franchise.
#4 Cybertron (Transformers)
Notable Appearances: Transformers (3/10)
The homeplant of the 'Autobots' and 'Decepticons' actually gets very little attention in the film adaptations of 'Transformers', which is a little surprising seeing as it's a key plot point. The planet is about the size of Saturn and is fueled by the soul of a Transformer. However, appearances can be deceiving, as this planet may look pretty awesome but in reality it is the site of multiple civil wars and throughout the storyline it is repeatedly rebuilt, with every attempt failing. But say what you want about Michael Bay, he really knows how to make a planet look awesome.
#3 Krypton (Superman)
Notable Appearances: Superman (6/10)
Probably the most famous planet on the list, ask any nerd and he will instantly tell you everything about this iconic time bomb. It is of course the home planet of Superman, who is the only surviving member of his kind due to the fact that this planet blew up, killing all but him. At one time it was a technologically advanced planet made entirely of crystal, but that was soon put to an end when its unstable core detonated with a chain of nuclear reactions. It is therefore quite spectacular how a planet that is only ever mentioned in the franchise has such a legendary status, but then blowing up is quite cool in itself.
#2 Coruscant (Star Wars)
Notable Appearances: Star Wars Episode III (8/10)
The most important planet in the most important sci-fi series ever. It's reputation is legendary, and it's only been a part of the saga since 1997. In a galaxy far, far away it is the hub of all galactic affairs and the capital of the 'Republic' and later the 'Galactic Empire'. This is no surprise when you consider that the whole planet is just one city, and that it has an amazing 5,127 levels. The time it took to create in visually stunning CGI must have been painful, but the results are impeccable. You could argue that this is now the most important planet in the Star Wars franchise, but I think there's one that's better. #1 Tatooine (Star Wars)
Notable Appearances: Star Wars Episode IV (10/10)
Is there anything more iconic in any sci-fi series? I don't think so. When I ask people for facts about Tunisia the only response I get is that Tatooine was filmed there, that is the reputation that this place has. It has appeared in all but one of the Star Wars films, with the amazing fourth episode being mainly set around this rocky planet. The various outings over the years have given it such memorable and unique features like moisture farms, and Jabba's Palace that's pictured above. Everything about this place has character, from the local people to the wildlife, which is an acheivment considering this place looks pretty barren, it's not a looker like some others on this list.
It's often viewed as the cesspool of the galaxy, to quote Luke Skywalker "Well, if there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from." But in my opinion this gives all that much more character, and the various gangs and thugs make this an iconic "hive of scum and villainy". Just everything about this planet is brilliant, from Jabba's Palace to the Binary Sunset, it is all unique and it's all very memorable. A staple of the vivid sci-fi universe.
