I love the stories presented in video games. The majority of the characters are usually well written, and playing with them is great fun. But of course there are those few characters that fill you with hate because of how poorly they've been constructed, or their lack of actual purpose. This is a list of the worst of those bunch. A list of the worst characters in video gaming history.
#10 Alex Mercer (Prototype)
We start the list with just some guy. I'm not sure if I can actually be bothered to write a quick review on him, because essentially he's just six feet of moving pixels. 'Prototype' as a game is average at best, but this lack of character creation really sums up the major flaws that litter the game in every corner. It's a lazy character that never once becomes interesting, in a game that desperately needed a good plot. It's like the developers haven't even bothered. They could have made their superhero like character exciting, but no, we'll make him a head researcher. How exciting is that? This nerdy personality is about as fun to play with as watching grass grow, although at least grass actually develops. Mercer just stays in his boring character through the whole game, never once showing any sort of personality. Even his appearance is really dull. A leather jacket and jeans on what is essentially a superhero. Come on guys, at least show me that you care about your character. The only interesting thing to ever happen to this guy is his superpowers, which are at least a little bit cool, and the game draws from that quite nicely. The rest though is just a mindless killing machine that has absolutely no soul. Why as a gamer should I even tolerate this mess of a character?
#9 Tiger Jackson (Tekken)
'Tekken' is a brilliant fighting game. I just love the sense of realism that encapsulates what is a very professional feeling game, which is produced by the eccentric, yet believable characters. The majority of them at least appear to be serious fighters, but then the majority aren't anything like this bellend. It was like the developers were given complete creative freedom and thought it would be funny to add in a little joke. They might have found this funny, but I can tell you that I certainly didn't. Their creation is actually quite painful at some points, and his comedy persona is just really, really annoying. It's even more annoying when you consider that you have to beat the game with seventeen different characters to unlock him. All that effort for this pathetic reward. That alone was probably the most insulting thing, and it gets worse when you discover that he isn't even any good to use either. By all means developers should be allowed creative freedom over a project, but please stop trying to painfully force comedy into a game that can't actually pull it off. 'Tekken' is a serious fighting game, it must be kept that way, and that means bellends like this should never be created.
#8 Baby Mario (Mario)
Oh this one was really creative. Well Done 'Nintendo'. It's like Mario but only smaller. What could possibly go wrong? Well a lot actually, as creating realistic babies makes them really fucking annoying. It's also quite hard to create a compelling character when it's a baby, as there is a limit to what it can do. 'Nintendo' didn't think about this, and so we end up with a character that does jack shit, apart from occasionally looking quite cute. They didn't stop there though. In fact 'Nintendo' thought it would be a good idea to copy and paste this asshole into every other bloody game they made, and so now we get him in Tennis and karting games as well. Driving is admittedly quite a good skill for a baby, especially when he was so useless in the original 'Yoshi's Island' games.
But that's not the worst part, oh no, there is one thing about this little asshole that really fucking annoys me, and that could only be his constant crying. For some reason 'Nintendo' decided it would be a good idea to get this useless twat to cry every time you left him. The noise isn't even subtle. It might just be the most irritating sound of all time, and it would go on constantly, even for something as little as being attacked. Of course this was a game where you were constantly being attacked, and so as you can imagine the result was unbearable. That was all that came out of his stupid mouth, and was really useful in a game that revolved around combat. Thanks a fucking bunch 'Nintendo'.
#7 Ashley Graham (Resident Evil)
Wow, what a useless piece of shit this character was. The only thing she ever said in the classic 'Resident Evil 4' was useless crap, coupled by a cry for help a few seconds later. She never actually did anything to help you in return, but demanded constant help when her useless combat skills and lack of intelligence inevitably got her into trouble again. The sole reason you're not allowed to put a bullet through her skull is because she's the President's daughter, which I think the developers thought would make her seem important. Yeah, that didn't work. To be fair she did get given a large role in the plot, and being kidnapped by a cult was one of the highlights in the game, but I still have not time for this useless bitch. The story went that the cult wanted to infect her with parasites, although little did they know that Ashley is the worst fucking parasite you can possibly get, and so injecting her with another might actually tone her down a bit.
Ashley just basically sums up everything I hate about purposely dumb characters in video games. Mrs. Graham would actually blame you for her own stupidity and complain when you rescued her for the one millionth time. This game could have been great if you didn't spend so much time escorting this waste of space into yet more trouble. It's safe to say that even if she is the President's daughter I would still happily shoot her to take a great and festering weight off my shoulders. I hate to sound like Anita Sarkeesian but she ends up feeling like a stupid damsel in distress that serves no purpose other than to annoy you. It's not good characterisation, and when compared to another damsel like Peach, it becomes clear that holding a character's hand throughout the whole game is not a good idea. Peach wasn't a pointless and frustrating character. She may not have been competent, but at least you could feel sympathy for her as she didn't act like a three year old child at every single point in the game.
#6 Slippy Toad (Star Fox)
The most annoying frog in the world, with the world's most irritating voice. How the fuck he became a praised mechanic in Star Fox's squad is an absolute joke. Surely if you have a squad of skilled pilots then you don't need an imbecilic frog to ruin everything with his shitty combat skills. He can't do anything, and he constantly lets you know about this with his repetitive and annoying catchphrases. Surely if you're 'Nintendo' you don't allow a frog with a voice this bad to clog up your dialog because that might start to get very annoying. This guy just doesn't stop droning on about how he killed a single pilot, or how he needs your help for the nine millionth time in that high pitched voice that could only come from Satan. It doesn't even stop when you do help him, as he's constantly giving you pointless pieces of information and comments that are not necessary in any way.
The worst part is how often this 'getting into trouble' schtick manages to happen. About ten seconds into the first mission he's in trouble from a single pilot, and when you do help him he gets into the same problem in another few seconds. Some people stupidly believe this thing is lovable, but I'm pretty sure they haven't had the frustration of trying to play through the campaign with this fucking frog ruining everything. He has the appearance and the personality of something I would just love to punch in the face until he could no longer speak. When you have a legendary team that includes Fox and Falco, you don't need this pathetic bellend to ruin the whole game. With a character this annoying friendly fire is the only option, and it's not as if he's a hard target either. I honestly don't care how you do, just anything will do to shut this idiot up.
#5 Navi (The Legend of Zelda)
I fucking hate fairies. I especially hate fairies when they never leave you alone. You want to know why I didn't give 'The Ocarina of Time' a spot in my hall of fame? Well this annoying fairy is how to ruin a legendary game. Why 'Nintendo' decided that this thing should follow you around on an epic quest is a very big question. They also had the idiotic idea to try and emphasise the role that this character plays in Link's quest, and so this fairy is actually one of the few characters in the game that can actually speak English. Well, I say that, in fact Navi can only say the words 'look' or 'hey'. To compensate for such a small dictionary, she decides to repeat them over and over again. No seriously, she uses these two words a mind-numbing amount of times, and it really pisses me off. This monotone voice will bring you to insanity, and it never stops until you do everything that this bitch's whiny voice commands you to do. Navi always has to be the centre of attention, and never shuts up. Please, for my sanity, just fuck off.
It did take a special kind of annoyance to ruin what could have been an amazing game, but thanks to this ridiculous oversight that is exactly what happened. Do you want to trek through some epic scenery? Well she'll interrupt that. Do you want to enjoy the epic music? You can't do that either, because you can't avoid her bloody voice. She'll happily ruin anything to make herself the center of attention, the self centered whore. I know she's trying to be useful by giving you hints, and some of those hints are even quite important, but I don't want your opinion to be shoved in my face every two seconds. Just shut up, please. The final straw is when she decides to omit herself from the final boss fight, which is not at all the most convenient time for her endless help. Her reason for this is because Ganondorf is too evil. Yeah thanks for just making up excuses; why not bring a doctor's note next time in your own scrawly handwriting? So you know what Navi, why don't you fucking listen to me for once. You're an annoying little shit that needs to shut the fuck up. I'm glad I got that off my chest.
#4 Connor (Assassin's Creed III)
The third installment of the highly successful 'Assassin's Creed' franchise had the potential to be a properly good game. However instead of letting the game reach its full potential, the 'Ubisoft' developers decided to tell the story from the point of view of the worst protagonist of all time. For some reason they decided that this lifeless and emotionless twat should be the focal point in a franchise that is famed for its elaborate characters. I just don't understand why I would ever feel any sort of connection to a character that has such a monotone voice and personality of a character that has such a large role. You can pull out the oppressed card as many times as you like, but the final product is a mess when you create a character as shit as this one. I mean just look at that expression in the screenshot. That really is the pinnacle of this guy's emotion. With facial expressions like that it's no wonder that he managed to alienate a large portion of gamers. Sure he might have had a tough upbringing, but that's no reason to become such a pointless dick. I believe it was in this game that I became an honorary Templar so maybe one day I might have the chance to stick a knife through someone as frustrating as this.
A bigger question would be whether this character is actually relatable on any level. You can't pronounce his Native American name, his traditions and views on the world are outdated, and you can't expect to sympathise with his unique view of the world when he doesn't do the same with anyone else. This scumbag was actually an insult to gamers after the previous protagonist Ezio Auditore was a hit in the franchise thanks to his charm and charisma. Connor on the other sucks all the energy out of every scene, never making light hearted conversation like good old Ezio. No, thanks to Connor everything in the third game has to be serious, and everything had to be about poor old me and my burnt down village. I only wish I could have been there to set alight to that horrible place, and this time I would have made sure that this asshole was burnt alive as well. Face it, this character is just overshadowed by everyone else in the game. Even the characters with no speaking roles have more presence. It's a crime that 'Ubisoft' allowed such a crap protagonist to be created, and they should be ashamed of their final product. I suppose producing a character that I didn't care about once throughout the whole game is in some way an achievement, but I wouldn't celebrate over a protagonist that I hate playing with every single minute of his existence.
#3 Any Character From Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog)
Aside from Sonic and Dr. Robotnik this whole franchise is an absolute joke. I am still amazed at why the developers decided to make a plethora of meaningless shit that really does have to be seen to be believed. How anyone could give a single shit about some of the dullest and generic personalities you will ever find is something that 'SEGA' should have thought long and hard about, as they certainly didn't put much thought into any of their minor characters. It's actually hilarious when you discover that they were originally created to combat the expanding universe of 'Mario', and so the developers obviously thought that expanding their own franchise could never go wrong, unless of course it inevitably did. But when you actually look into these complex characters it seems strange that this ended up dooming the franchise for eternity. I mean how could iconic characters such as Nack the Weasel or Bean the Dynamite fail. Surely everyone remembers Bean the Dynamite, my personal favorite anthropomorphic duck. Surely you can't forget his hilarious gimmick of throwing dynamite for no apparent reason. You just can't write this stuff, unless of course you're a desperate developer called 'SEGA'. When you consider all these brilliant characters it can only be described as a complete mystery how this material didn't work.
But the worst creation of this expansion by an absolute mile was Big the Cat. Yep, that took a lot of imagination to create. Literally all this character did was fish with his pet frog. How fucking exciting is that? It may sound harmless, but that was until you had the horror of playing his fucking repetitive fishing mini-games. It's no surprise that thanks to features like this the majority of games in the expanded universe have been absolute shite. Did this instant failure stop 'SEGA'? No of course not, and to this day they still shove the bloody characters down our throats with each new crappy game. For some reason they still have the balls to act as if their characters are brilliant, when in reality everyone is just fucking sick of these instantly forgettable names. Please 'SEGA', I'm sure I can join everyone by saying that casually removing these pointless personalities from your games would be a good move. I will refuse to play another Sonic game if they get shoved in our faces anymore.
#2 Toad (Mario)
Oh just fuck off you irritating little wanker. What's there to smile about? Take that irritating little grin off your face and fuck off back to your stupid mushroom kingdom that I would just love to bulldoze with a tank. I just don't understand how a character as innocent as this can be so infuriating, but I think it comes down to that fucking grin and his personality of an absolute wanker. There is nothing worse than being overtaken by this twat in 'Mario Kart', as he just taunts you in the most immature way possible with that huge fucking smirk. Virtually everything this fucking mushroom does gets right under my skin, and he has never done anything that hasn't instantly filled me with rage. It's a miracle that he doesn't have a large role in the 'Mario' franchise, but he still makes sure to tarnish every game he's in with his ridiculous and idiotic personality. Yet for some reason people seem to love him. Yes he may look cute, but he's like one of those annoying babies that never shuts up, yet nobody complains as he looks so sweet. Well I'm not one of these people that sees him as cute, and so to me he's just a wanker. Maybe we got off on the wrong foot when he laughed in my face whilst telling me that the princess was in another castle, which was a massive dick move. But then nothing this smug prick has done since has redeemed him from being my personal symbol of hatred. I hate mushrooms, and this pointless waste of space is the worst of the lot.
#1 Players of FIFA, Call of Duty or Battlefield (Various)
Yes that's right you asshole. You're responsible for the toxic atmosphere in gaming at the moment. Thanks a bunch for ruining what could be brilliant multiplayer experiences with your irritating personalities and your huge shitty egos that spew out pointless drivel through my headset. Nobody cares about your stupid kill to death ratio or how much of a brilliant person you think you are. Why do I want to spend my evenings hearing you bragging about your stupid so called achievements at every available opportunity? I can assure you that I really don't care about how good that killcam was, or how much of a slut my mum is, yet when I point this out I'm just bullied out of the lobby by the immature pricks that you really are. I'm sorry to put the millions of fellow friendly gamers in this category, but thanks to this minority of bellends you have to be classed as one of these types of gamers. I understand that gaming is largely competitive, but I don't want to hear about how it was bullshit when you died, and how you're superior at playing games when compared to everyone else. Under this regime I can no longer have fun, because when I do it's either 'nooby', or 'sweaty', or 'camping'. I just don't care about that, I want to have fun, not listen to your pitiful whining.
I put the three worst candidates down as the number one entry as I really can't decide which is the worst of a bad bunch. 'FIFA' is plagued by boys who haven't hit puberty yet throwing around cuss words that they've just learnt. Of course they always score really shitty goals that they don't deserve and then spend the rest of the game bragging about how good it was. If you do happen to beat them then prepare for the swarm of hate-mail calling you a 'noob' fifteen million times. I can't decide whether that's worse than the little shits on 'Call of Duty' that have really started to become a big problem over the last few games. It seems my mother has slept with every single one of them, although I still don't understand how that's an insult to me as my mum's in her mid fifties. 'Battlefield' players might just be the worst of the lot as they've got it into their thick skulls that they're better than everyone else, when in reality the atmosphere is just as bad in this game as in any other similar franchise. These arrogant assholes plague 'YouTube' videos with their pointless opinions about how their game is superior to that of anyone else, and then make idle threats when one of these minnows dares to challenge their views. So thank you very much gamers. With your unique individual characters you have made multiplayer games some of the shittiest things I can think of. Face it, you're no better than any one of these horrors that plague my list.
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