Top 10 Worst Songs of 2015

So 2015 turned out to be the year for ripping off other people's work and just generally being dull. Apparently this year also has the distinction of having the most number of singles released, but unfortunately that just made this list all the more competitive. Here are those songs that may have been terrible enough to warrant an inclusion in previous years:

Kid Rock - First Kiss: Well this tasteless song sums up everything wrong with rock music these days. If you can keep your lunch down when listening to this then something is seriously wrong with you.
Miley Cyrus - Dooo It: We get it Miley, you think you're edgy. This time though you just produced some pretentious bullshit.
iLoveMemphis - Hit the Quan: I couldn't include a song on the list that was so bad it was actually quite amusing at times. That's if amusing to you is remembering the shit music they played at kids parties.
Madonna - Bitch I'm Madonna: I can't work out if this was a serious song. I can only hope it's a novelty song, as if not then what the fuck has happened to you Madonna?
Britney Spears & Iggy Azalea - Pretty Girls: Another song that was so bad I couldn't decide if it was mocking itself. Suppose it serves me right for expecting something after reading the title.
Beyonce - 7/11: Oh this one can just fuck off.

#10 5 Seconds of Summer - Hey Everybody

'5SOS' were a band that I actually included as an honourable mention in my best songs list last year. I thought this boyband had something different, and unlike the usual commercial bands they had a little charm and some actual talent to go with their babyface appearances. Turns out that 2015 was the year I discovered how wrong I was, and watching this video was confirmation that this boyband have just become irritating pissweasels that think it's perfectly fine to blatantly steal other people's work to fuel their own stupid egos. In case you hadn't worked it out this song is almost a carbon copy of 'Hungry Like the Wolf', so much so that the band actually gave written credit to 'Duran Duran', which is a big sign that this band are just petty thieves. Maybe I wouldn't have cared so much if these cockwombles hadn't make me hate their very existence by pissing around all the time, but the result is commercial crap that makes the band look identical to their arch rivals 'One Direction'; and that's not a compliment. The lyrics to this song for example are just a jumbled mess. On one hand it's an inspirational song about getting bye in life, but then we end up with a chorus that just contradicts the whole song:

Hey everybody, we don't have to live this way

We can all get some, yeah, we can all get paid

So what you say everybody? Gotta live it up today

We can all get some, yeah, we can all get paid

Somehow I don't think 'living it up' has anything to do with being hard up, but then what the fuck would these popstars know about being down on cash? Their solution is the best though, they plainly suggest that people who are hard up should just 'all get paid'. They couldn't have sounded any more obnoxious if they'd tried. But the thing I hate the most is that despite the release of songs such as this the group still don't consider themselves a boy band. Are they fucking serious? You could have blindfolded me and I would have just assumed the song in question was from the 'One Direction' back catalogue. The styles are fucking identical, so much so that '5SOS' actually toured with 'One Direction'. But yeah, I'm sure you guys think you're a proper, full blooded and serious rock band. Unfortunately I've never heard of a serious rock band that rips off 1980's pop songs, but that was the last bit of evidence you needed to deduce that these boys are just wankers.


#9 Rihanna - Bitch Better Have My Money

Oh dear, I guess this is what happens when a pop star is under some sort of impression that she's become a tough gangster. The cover alone made Rihanna look like a murdered prostitute, but that's nowhere near as atrocious as the actual song. The funny thing about this whole tough charade is that Rihanna herself has felt the effects first hand of what hardened thugs do after being domestically beaten by Chris Brown, so why the hell is she now supporting that message? In my funny little world making a seven minute video where you torture and brutalise another woman makes you look like a scumbag, not to mention a talentless scumbag putting on a gangster charade that just doesn't suit you. The sheer amount of shit you talk in this song still doesn't hide the fact that this is a piece without any style or substance. The lyrics for example are just woeful, and considering it took FIVE people to write the bloody words, none of which may I add were Rihanna herself, I find it amazing how unpolished the whole thing is. Rihanna has absolutely no right to start strutting around this piece like some self entitled big shot when she can't even be bothered to write even a single line of her own songs. That's not to say the five writers had any talent either, as these two lines will prove:

Louis 13 and it's all on me, nigga you just bought a shot

Kamikaze if you think that you gon' knock me off the top

The first line is just contradictory nonsense, and the second line is exactly the opposite of kamikaze. If at no point Rihanna didn't realise that these lyrics are nothing but absolute shit then she needs to get down off her fucking pedestal and maybe treat this serious issue with at least a shred of dignity. It's clear to me that she didn't care about this song at any stage, and neither her smashed up face apparently, as you're all for supporting domestic violence. However the biggest problem by far is how the song sounds. Everything. Is. Just so. Clunky. One minute Rihanna is shouting abuse down your ear hole and the next she's trying to harmonise at the same time. Chuck that on a simple and repetitive beat and the result is a machine gun filled with shit firing aimlessly at an ever decreasing target. Rihanna, you're not some god given badass. You're nothing more than an average performer whose power has gone to your head. Maybe next time you should focus on something that can actually be classed as music fit for human consumption.

#8 Justin Bieber - I'll Show You

No I'm sorry, the guy may have matured but he's still a pile of wank. The so called 'bangers' that Bieber has released this year include the diabolical 'Children' and this piece of shit. 'I'll Show You' has to have one of the most irritating melodies I've ever heard. It's repetitive, annoying, and doesn't compliment the song in any way. I'm not really surprised as the song was produced by Skrillex, and when one of his songs is described as an ear soar it makes a positive change from his usual standard of material, but having said that he's not all to blame for this failure; Bieber's voice isn't exactly brilliant, but that's completely overshadowed by the dull nature of this 'banger'. It's worse than just dull though, it's that dullness mixed in with the awful production that make this one of the most soulless songs of the year. There's no passion as ever in this Bieber song, it's just a vain twat getting all sentimental and covering his ass by spurting out bollocks with that voice that makes me want to punch him in the face.

Then we get to the drop, which these days seems to be mandatory in every song, but in this song particularly it's just a huge anticlimax. As per usual the bass drop ends up taking away any momentum the song did have, and being as this one didn't have much it leaves the listener with an empty song that contradicts itself at every second by wanting to be a slow methodical number one minute, and a house anthem the next. I don't know if Skrillex thought that this solemn number would ever fill clubs, but his input just isn't needed. As for the actual lyrics well they're just the final nail in the coffin full of excrement. Have a read of this attention seeking verse:

Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing
When the pressure's coming down like lightning
It's like they want me to be perfect
When they don't even know that I'm hurting

Okay Justin, you might not be perfect, however as your profession is listed as a musician I don't think it's too much to ask for you to at least produce a song that has some merit. This is just total garbage. At what point in my fucking life do I care if he's hurting? He's a fucking millionaire and I'm sitting here moaning about him over the Internet, so how are you the fucking victim? If you want people to stop comparing you to an irritating little twat then you need to do a lot fucking better than this piece of shit you egotistical little cretin.

#7 Ariana Grande - Focus

Come on Ariana, we've heard this all before. 'Problem' in particular comes to mind as these two songs are almost identical to one another, except for 'Problem' having a much better hook. I'm sorry but you just can't keep expecting to get away with a rinse and repeat formula, and that makes focusing on you a rather hard task. The worst part of this song is undoubtedly that hook. What the actual fuck were you thinking? Were the session musicians out that day and you had to improvise with a guy jokingly doing a 'Mr. T' impression? Don't worry though, you thought you could get away with that by questionably dancing. Seriously though, whoever thought that choreography looked good deserves a P45 tomorrow morning, as the finished product in terms of choreography and production aren't even close to being ready for consumers. My issues with Ariana are also justified by her constantly lacklustre performances. In reality the girl probably has a good voice, so why the hell does she need to sound out of breath on every record? This song in particular was notably unpleasant to listen to.

I really would like to focus on this natural talent that Ariana apparently has, but all I can see at the moment is an attractive girl constantly underperforming and getting other people to write her songs. FOUR people it took to write this generic bollocks, yet apparently Ariana is the one to be focusing on. Aside from being lazy and looking like a transgender Gandalf, Ariana has also fallen into the trap of writing a song for her so called 'haters'. As I'm apparently one of them I totally understand the logic of telling your haters you don't care about them by recording and posing for a song that takes a lot of effort and many studio hours to complete. Maybe I wouldn't care about the flawed theme if the song actually had a focus. It seems ironic in a song called 'focus', but the actual song is just all over the place. It tries to be so much more than just a generic pop song, yet in doing so makes it sound like one of the dullest and standard songs you'll hear this year.


#6 Fetty Wap - 679

If there was ever a song that perfectly summed up everything I hate about the rap genre these days then this is the one. Fetty Wap is a stupidly named talentless idiot who thinks speaking in an annoying voice passes for being a credible rapper. His signature feature is that he has one eye thanks to glaucoma, or karma as I like to think. This lack of depth perception thanks to a singular eye apparently transcends into his songs as well, especially this one that contains some of the most shallow and stupid lyrics I've ever had to endure reading. This is only the first verse:

Baby girl, you're so damn fine though

I'm tryna know if I could hit it from behind though

I'm sipping on you like some fine wine though

And when it's over, I press rewind though

That's right, Fetty rhymes 'though' with itself FOUR times. What a genius this guy is. The thing is that this lazy rhyming doesn't even make sense. You can't just add the word 'though' to the end of each line. This has to be the worst songwriting I've ever seen. Not only is this one of the most hateful verses ever created but it's also one of the most disgusting, and it doesn't get any better either:

I traded in my trues for some robins

He playing Batman, Fetty's gon' rob him 

No, that doesn't rhyme either, try again. This is the first fucking verse, and this trend continues throughout the whole song. All of this pain, and the result is only to find out that this guy has a gun in his supposedly expensive car, which doesn't at all make him look like an insecure asshole. As a rapper Fetty Wap just has to talk vaguely in time with the beat, but he can't even do that without sounding like an imbecile. He can't sing, he can't rap, he has one of the most annoying voices I've ever had the displeasure of hearing, and he sounds like he's constantly going to have a breakdown. I suppose that's an acceptable response to listening to this song, but this one eyed prick can just fuck right off. In his first year in the business Fetty Wap somehow managed to get three singles in the top ten. To put that into perspective that's the same number as 'The Beatles'. Fetty's songs don't get any less embarrassing than this train wreck, so why the fuck are people buying the work of this impotent whelp?


#5 Meghan Trainor - Dear Future Husband

I don't know what goes on in this woman's head, but after ruining the classic genre of doo-wop for everybody last year she's now decided to do it again this year, only this time blatantly copying an absolute classic. Yes, this assfaced whore decided to shit all over 'Runaround Sue', and only so she could write a song based on the fact that she's an agitating bitch with an annoying voice. Her personality is so hateful that she gives Jimmy Saville a run for his money, mutilating an already dead genre with her vile presence. And how does she do this? Well somehow she manages to make what was once an upbeat song into a mixture of dreariness and despair. There's no character or excitement in this, only a bitch who looks like someone taught a plank of wood how to sing badly. When you start comparing Dion's classic to whatever the fuck Meghan Trainor shat out then it soon becomes clear that Trainor's voice doesn't work on any level. A song like this shouldn't be about groaning and talking through autotuned verses, it should be about flow and style, which this song has absolutely none of. It's an amateurish forgery of an all time classic, only managing to show Trainor's ignorance at every opportunity. The only reason this bland song got any recognition is because of the controversial music video, which as per usual only makes Trainor even more infuriating. It's not the video that should get you angry though, it's the piss poor quality of some of these lyrics: 

After every fight
Just apologise
And maybe then I'll let you try and rock my body right
Even if I was wrong [Laugh] You know I'm never wrong
Why disagree?
Why, why disagree? 

You don't need a husband love, you need a fucking sex slave with that crappy attitude. If this is really how you feel then you're a self centred cow. But somehow the song manages to get even worse:

I never learned to cook

But I can write a hook

Sing along with me

What a desirable woman you are. If there's one thing we have found it's that you actually can't write a hook. And anyway, you only co-wrote the song, so stop it with your misleading claims that try and massage your huge shitty ego. Stop promoting yourself as some desirable goddess that all men clamour over when the reality shows that you're a pathetic and self centred bitch that only cares about yourself. These were lyrics that Trainor as a person stood by, so I feel it's my duty to inform her that she has one shitty personality. How this impetulant child's teenage diary became a hit is a mystery to me. This self obsessed cow is in no position start dictating her perfect husband when she looks like a horse's ass and has the personality of a narcissistic and pretentious bitch. Fuck you Meghan Trainor.


#4 Fifth Harmony - Worth It

'Fifth Harmony' are proof that if the 'X Factor' does one thing, it's not finding groups with any of this so called 'X Factor'. If as a group you end up producing a song as awful as this then you're NOT worth it; you're not even worth a single penny from even the most desperate of human beings. If there is a redeeming quality to this song then I couldn't find it. The redeeming quality certainly wasn't 'Fifth Harmony', who must have been named that because they can only come up with a fifth of an actual harmony. Somewhere in the song the five of them might have had a fraction of chemistry when performing together, but then as far as I'm concerned all five are just the one generic individual that thanks to the 'X Factor' now have an undeserved record deal. Only a group as shit as this one could somehow ruin Jason Derulo's 'Talk Dirty', and going a step below him is not something to be proud of. Even Jason Derulo doesn't repeat the title of his songs 36 times in a 3 and a half minute song. Even he would realise that doing that leads to a repetitive and annoying result that only emphasises how utterly devoid of talent anyone who was involved in this shambles has.

If Adolphe Sax had ever considered that his beloved instrument would be tortured so much in a song so degrading as this then I'm sure he would never have bothered with his invention in the first place. This song is an insult to him, an insult to the pioneers of music, an insult to the industry itself, and an insult to the people who work their asses off to produce something decent and get less recognition than these talentless individuals. Most of all though, it's a crime against humanity for people with functioning ears. It doesn't matter that this was never intended to be musical perfection, and it doesn't matter that this is supposed to a song about female empowerment, because at the end of the day the result is five self indulgent hoes trying and failing to copy a formula that died out years ago. Stop trying to pointlessly beat up men; I'm sure most men would happily beat themselves watching the video. If 'Fifth Harmony' aren't for you, and they shouldn't be, then 'Kid Ink' is also around to contribute absolutely nothing apart from my scorn. Just like the rest of this song he's got no talent, no personality, no charisma. This song is the musical equivalent of eating cardboard, only eating cardboard isn't usually accompanied by vile and hateful human beings feeding on the leftovers of a foul mess and trying to turn that into something commercial. What a fucking train wreck.


#3 Silento - Watch Me

What a fucking moron this guy is. If you've ever wanted to listen to something so utterly devoid of character and any star quality then Silento appears to be the right guy for you. Who the hell does this guy think he is prancing around in limp wristed fashion to a song that makes the most basic of Nokia ringtones feel like experiencing a full symphony orchestra? I don't know why it's suddenly become acceptable for primitive idiots like this one to lead the audience through a terrible game of 'Simon Says', especially when this version of the game ends up repeating the same commands over and over again until it become so unbearably annoying that you just admit defeat and pretend that this abomination doesn't harm your brain cells. Silento himself sounds and acts like an eight year old child, appearing to resemble a kid whose mum has just bought him home a bargain bucket. He certainly doesn't look like a credible rapper, despite having the arrogance to not even mention his name during the traditional rapper shoutout. Everything else is just 'watch me do this' and 'watch me do that', and afterwards the guy still has the cheek to expect me to take this pile of shit seriously.

Over the duration of the song we have to endure Silento coming out with such classic dances as 'The Whip', 'The Nae Nae', 'The Stanky Leg', 'The Bop', 'The Superman', 'The Duff', and of course 'The Break Your Legs'. Although if someone is literally offering to break Silento's legs then I'll happily watch and listen to that. Why stop there? Break his fucking neck for all I care. Chat shit get banged mate. Unfortunately a dance that wasn't in Silento's collection was 'The Originality', which is a shame as that might have improved this ridiculous and lackluster dance track. Repeating old dances in an irritating fashion does not pass as serious artistry, especially when the dances cited aren't even your own creation. This song is the magnum opus of pure plagiarism. The only time I would ever listen to Silento say 'watch me' is if the line after was 'be lowered into a shark infested pool'. This isn't just a stupid song, it's a song that can't get basic songwriting or integrity anywhere near right. As for the beat itself, well the beat doesn't actually exist. It's just a lone drum having to do all the work, which might be acceptable if you were playing on a children's keyboard, but on a serious song that's just ridiculous. 2015 will have to go down as the year when someone tried to take multiple dance songs and hack them into a product that wanted to be taken seriously. Of course that didn't work, only proving that if you try and rearrange a pile of shit without adding anything, the results are always going to be another pile of shit. 


#2 Rae Sremmurd - Throw Some Mo'

Oh god, last year's worst artists are back, and to make things worse they've teamed up with Nicki Minaj, the worst artist of all time. This hellish combination must surely exist solely to spite both me and humanity, with the only surprise being that somehow this didn't take the number one spot with this unbelievably bad excuse for a song. First of all the title doesn't make any sense, especially when that said phrase could be said in correct English and still fit in the hook. Just missing out half a word for the sake of it is something that pisses me off, as that's the key phrase in the song, so just being lazy with it shows a lack of care. It should be imperative to the whole spectacle, but instead it just ends up feeling like just another old rapper cliche. Maybe the reason the word 'more' was cut in half was because that reflects how bored Nicki Minaj sounds through the whole thing. She only seems to liven up when talking about her own ass, and the rest of the song is just her putting minimal effort into everything else. Her voice is still terrible even with this lack of effort, just not its usual aggravating self. In fact compared to Rae Sremmurd her voice is actually a pleasant reprieve from the autotuned mess that surrounds this plainly awful song.

Words fail me in describing the sort of moron that would actually pay real money for this shit. I just don't understand why anyone would enjoy listening to Rae Sremmurd perform anything, as they sure as hell can't rap, aren't even close to being able to sing, and when they do try and put some effort into something they sound like penguins being strangled. In all honesty I'd prefer a verse of Nicki Minaj reminding me of why she deserves a painful death instead of having a whole song dominated by these inbreds. Maybe Rae Sremmurd didn't have as much money as they claim and so couldn't pay Minaj enough for a single verse, which I suppose would explain why she sounds so pissed off. The rest is just generic rap crap that just uses the same formula as every other shitty rap song. It has the usual charming lyrics that go on about how these boys enjoy buying women with their undeserved fortune, which ends up sounding like 19th century American attitudes, but then I never accused these idiots of having any class. This song is so distasteful with everything it does that even writing a half serious review is angering me, but that was nothing compared to the horror that somehow managed to beat this turd.


#1 Manika - I Might Go Lesbian

Then I heard this one. Thankfully I missed the unpleasant experience of listening to whatever this is upon release. I can only hope I never have to hear anything so degrading ever again, and I feel this view is shared by normal human beings who were so disgusted that the comments section had to be disabled on 'Youtube'. I don't why I thought a song titled 'I Might Go Lesbian' would be anything other than pure crap, but how in this day and age to do you come up with a song that assumes people just flip sexuality whenever they feel like it? Maybe I wouldn't complain so much if this had just a tiny bit of quality, but it doesn't. What can I commend in a song so unbelievably bad as this? The lyrics are woeful, the base is repetitive and get in your face at every opportunity, the melody is so primitive and lacking any style that pinning the blame for this fault on a child would be harsh, and as for Manika herself, well she makes Rebecca Black look like the most credible artist in history. The talent, or lack of, on display in this atrocity is astounding. Quite simply there isn't any. All we get is an insufferable slut that pointlessly interludes whenever she feels like it with a voice that's enough to drive me mad, having the combined charisma of a Barbie doll, and failing to pull off anything serious with that screechy and whiny voice of hers. Then accompanying this bitch we have Tyga, who when not dating high profile underage girls is not making this song any better with his charmless and meaningless personality that could only have gotten him into the music industry through a miracle. Look at this fucking wordsmith in action:

Say no to drugs, but my pinkie ring's daring you

Fuck you like a rabbit, yeah, the rings ten carats boo

I'm the last male, he was just preparing you

I'm a one-of-one, who you gonna compare me to?

Well that's not fucking disgusting is it? Neither is it very good or respectable for that matter. It gets even worse after Tyga runs out of words he actually comprehends with his microscopic brain and starts rhyming the word 'too' with itself, and then rhymes 'one' with itself in case we were in any doubt that he's a shit artist. I'd like to think this whole production was just one big practical joke, highlighting how low the music industry has the potential to go, but instead the reality is we get a serious song that ends up sounding as bad as those cheesy Eurovision songs that go onto inhabit and haunt the musical graveyard. Never in my life did I think I would witness a woman using other people's sexuality as a cheap ploy to get the other gender to buy her songs, but that's before I realised how utterly devoid of class Manika is. That video alone proves just how much of a committed lesbian this self obsessed whore is, managing to reach the very bottom of the barrel of shit in the process. There is so little musical ability in this song that it genuinely blows my mind how something as tragic as this can be released as a credible song. If you were wondering how low humanity will go as a species, then this is one fucking good indication. This is so fucked up it's actually making me feel depressed.