Top 10 Worst Xbox 360 Games of All Time

I have already delved into the games that made the Xbox such a brilliant console, but now it is time to look at the crap which unfortunately has to tarnish the console's brilliant reputation. These are the games which did slip through the filter and somehow made it into a successful franchise. I have left out games based on movies as their primary purpose is to create money rather than create a good gaming experience and so they're all pretty terrible. Here are the dishonorable mentions:

WWE 13: Oh it's the same game as last year but this time with a ton of new bugs and glitches which are very annoying, but I suppose do contribute to an overall enjoyable experience.
Medal of Honor: Warfighter: A game that relies on nice looks and a smooth engine to try and win gamers hearts, unfortunately it didn't.
Assassin's Creed 3: How to ruin a franchise in one game. Make the protagonist an annoying arsehole, a weak and disappointing storyline and a load of glitches. Assassin's Creed hasn't really recovered.
Kinect Star Wars: Some genuinely good motion controls save this one from becoming an abomination. Seriously a dancing mini game, fuck off where's Battlefront 3.

#10 Sonic Unleashed (2008)

Sorry, I just don't get the appeal of Sonic the Hedgehog, I definitely enjoyed the original, but did we really need a whole series? This game sees Sonic trying to restore the world after Dr. Eggman splits the world into pieces, for whatever reason, I don't think that was ever explained. It's quite hard to take a storyline as serious as this with any dignity when the antagonist is called Eggman, it isn't any wonder that this series didn't take off, Mario has a vast array of different characters where as Sonic has a bunch of quick hedgehogs that nobody gives a single shit about. But this game has a sub story, oh yes, by night Sonic has to control his inner Werehog form, yes you read that correctly, this is every bit as ridiculous as it sounds and it adds nothing to gameplay apart from me sighing every two seconds with frustration.

The basic plot of the story revolves around Sonic trying to cure his lycanthropy, thank god, and he ends up meeting new interesting, well thought out and diverse characters such as his new guide, who suffers from amnesia, just great. The levels also were poorly thought through, and in a game franchise that encourages speed they seemed to forget all about it and create some very pretty but sluggish and combat intensive missions, which I wouldn't mind if the combat wasn't so terribly basic and dull and the levels weren't so poorly designed. The main problem with this game is that it feels like a blatant money grabber, there was evidently no logic or thought used in the development process and so what we get is a half arsed game that fails at exactly where all the previous Sonics have fallen flat. Thankfully SEGA have released some decent Sonic games since this disaster that have put the series back on track.

#9 Battlefield Bad Company 2 (2010)

This may come as a surprise, and on the face of things it does seem like this should be a good title. A great engine that definitely immerses the player into the battle with some very neat physics, programmed by Swedes which should mean technical perfection and a very good prequel to base the game on. However, the first problem comes when we look at the cover. "Defining Online Warfare". This is the first indication we get that Battlefield is just trying to do what Call of Duty has already done, effectively selling out a bit. I mean this game certainly doesn't define online multiplayer, Christ, Counterstrike and Call of Duty had done this years ago, all this game is doing is lagging behind its competitors.

My other issues with the game come from annoying little features that DICE seems to forget about such as the patches that are MANDATORY to play the game that are only a couple of gigabytes, when you stack them together that is many hours wasted downloading patches that Activision manages in a few megabytes. My other issue is that I simply don't enjoy playing this game, the weapons are so unbalanced that means you're either killed by someone from 3 miles away or someone in an overpowered tank meaning it is a much less competitive and enjoyable experience than Call of Duty, I'm sorry it just is.

#8 Need For Speed: Most Wanted (2012)

It seems so long ago now that Need For Speed were bringing out good games annually, now we have to wait for this crap. I genuinely enjoy arcade racers and certainly have a good time with more realistic racers, but what I can't understand is a hybrid that can't decide whether it wants to be a serious racing franchise or not. This game tries to take itself seriously by having the setting in a realistic, and very pretty location and then tries to put some basic physics into the car controls, which don't work particularly well and still make the game feel like an arcade game. So, it's a serious game, or maybe not as some moron decided that instead of logically paying for a car with money like a normal person you actually steal random cars in the street by teleporting into them. This means there is no sense of achievement when entering these cars which makes the game very dull and almost worthless, I soon got bored, and couple this with a disgusting soundtrack that just annoys me meant I soon threw this game out. Here's another idea, let's not have a main menu and instead everything is accessed via the D-Pad which is sure to work in a racing game, very easy to use at 100mph in oncoming traffic. That really sums up this game, hopeless.

#7 Aliens Colonial Marines (2013)

You've probably heard this one before, and with good reason. I suppose it doesn't really come as a surprise as the engine is named after the red ring of death, something that is actually probably better to happen to your Xbox than this so called game. First of all it looks absolutely terrible and appears to have been made in 2003, which to be fair was probably when this game was still being developed. Then there's the Xenomorphs that are entirely predictable and glitch out every two seconds, making them rather tame in comparison to their film counterparts and the AI are seemingly brain dead.

The game doesn't even carry over a good story that it so desperately deserved. The films gave a basis for a story on a silver platter for this game to use and it just wasted and ruined a perfectly respectable franchise. I'm not sure there's any point in continuing past the first mission as the story just becomes repetitive, very linear and very dull. So thanks for taking a massive shit on a very large franchise Gearbox. I would say Alien Resurrection looks promising, but I'm not going down that road again, I'm skeptical about preordering now thanks to this game.

#6 Crysis 2 (2011)

This is a great example of a waste of an amazing engine. We've all seen the technical capabilities of the Cry Engine and so it comes as a massive disappointment when a game comes along like this that requires solely on looks to try and get good sales, and I hate that. This shows as the storyline is absolutely dreadful, the characters have the same depth as Belgium and so by the end of the campaign I couldn't give a shit. The main focus really is on the nanosuit which looks very stupid and is incredibly overpowered meaning the campaign can be beaten very easily by charging your abilities and simply running through the whole enemy force, then wait for them to recharge and simply repeat the previous steps.

The multiplayer too is also disappointing, there really isn't that many customization options and the overpowered nano suits mean the combat becomes tiresome and limited strategy is ever used. Then comes the bright idea of picking up dog tags to build kill streaks which means sniping now becomes irrelevant. This system was done well in the kill confirmed game mode in Modern Warfare 3 when it was just in one game mode, in this game there is no option, which brings me on to the most frustrating thing about this game, which is the very linear elements of it. The game tries to be an open world game, but in the end just becomes bogged down by restrictions that punish you if you try to play it your way, it definitely severely limits the gameplay that if balanced better could of been a fun experience.

#5 Fighters Uncaged (2010)

A fighting game on Kinect, surely this must work. Of course it doesn't, not even nearly, the controls don't work no matter how loud you shout at the screen. The premise of the game is also terrible, at the end of the day it's just two people having a fight. Why would I pay money for this game just to get annoyed when I can go into the center of Liverpool on a Saturday evening and watch this for free without getting annoyed? I would usually expand here, but that's sort of it, there isn't anything else to this game. Just terrible.

#4 Top Spin 3 (2008)

I enjoy a good tennis game, for a good example try Virtua Tennis. I originally tried Top Spin for the DS, and it was very good, however when it came to the console version they just sort of tried to make it ultra realistic and forgot about the fact that people might want to have fun, and as a result we get a really bad, and really anal, sports game. I personally enjoy a nice little one button shot system, but oh no this game is realistic and so you have to time your shots precisely and then get your head around quantum physics while juggling chainsaws on a unicycle whilst hurtling down a giant toboggan run while this person gives you a lecture on the British Empire (http://www.createdebate.com/user/viewprofile/samwillown). You get the point, it's just far too complicated to be any fun.

The impossible controls mean games are painfully slow and coupled with poor maneuverability means the game is a terrible experience. I barely managed to get out of the tutorial as the difficulty spike after that is ridiculous, I was being completely destroyed by the bot on the easiest difficulty setting. It's just a frustrating game, I'd certainly rather play Wii tennis.

#3 Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor (2012)

This was a genuine shame and I feel really bad about putting it this high up on my list, it really was a first of its kind, no shooter had ever gone with motion controls and so this was a great chnace to showcase what the Kinect should be, but unfortunately I have to be realistic and witness a great idea being ruined by rubbish motion controls. The setting is a good one, a sort of Black Ops 2 near future apocalypse setting that I do like a lot with well constructed characters and the importance of a team, as when they die, that's it, and you have to maintain your squad throughout the whole game, great feature, I love a punishing and unforgiving game. This does come with a problem and that is the very large difficulty spike that never really seems easy, it's quite hard to keep your squad alive when you're fumbling around at the controls, which brings us to the elephant in the corner.

The motion controls. The kinect just isn't advanced enough to pick out the individual movements of the player and so piloting these mechs is a nightmare, there are just too many functions with similar controls to pilot the vehicle accurately, meaning actually doing well in the game is incredibly difficult, especially when there is a bloody giant robot thing that can kill me easily within one shot. It's just another example of how motion controls make the game mechanics frustrating instead of acting as a general addition to the gaming experience, maybe one day.

#2 MotionSports (2010)

Another Kinect game, but this one is by far the worst. I enjoyed Kinect Sports, it was very fun to play, especially with multiple people, this isn't. For starters the motion controls are so unresponsive that it takes multiple attempts to actually achieve what you were hoping for, seemingly it was programmed by Stevie Wonder. It also struggles with player recognition which makes multiplayer games a nightmare as switching between players takes four years, even longer with the ridiculous loading times. My main issue with the game however is the fact that it doesn't show you where your hand is in relation to the screen, which means navigating the menus is impossible and incredibly frustrating. Seriously, just buy Kinect Sports, it is better in every single way.

#1 Need For Speed: The Run (2011)

To like this game you would have to be a colossal bellend. I just hate this new grown up Need For Speed crap that the developers are trying to force into the game, everyone knows that Need For Speed has always been about racing ridiculous cars at ridiculous speeds through dangerous and exhilarating  missions, the fact that they're now putting a story on it makes no sense. I certainly wouldn't mind a narrative in a racing game if it was good, and made any sense as the plot in this game is so poorly constructed, lacking any characterization and not explained at all that it leaves me baffled. The game tries to get you to care about characters, which is quite difficult when they are given no backstory and the actual premise of the game is never explained, they're seemingly just racing for the money.

I'm also interested in the setting as the game is meant to be set over a 48 hour period through most of America, which is interesting as their researches have found that America changes seasons every 3 hours and so it makes perfect sense that one minute you can be racing through deserts and the next on a mountain range, just a bit of thought when making this wouldn't of hurt. The game also tries to add QTEs to the storytelling, which every single gamer will tell you ruins any sense of immersion the player has to the narrative, not very fun repetitively tapping X to get me through cutscenes is it, the racing isn't exactly poor but it seems to be taken a backseat to the crappy narrative, a deadly sin in a racer, especially an arcade racer. I just genuinely have no idea what the developers where thinking when they made this game, it doesn't do anything particularly well and it all adds up into one of the worst gaming experiences of all time. 

Music Review: Bohemian Rhapsody

Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

Well, I suppose I had to do it sometime. The most overrated song of all time, there we go, I said it, and I shall now prove why.

On the face of it this song looks promising, a nice simple album cover from a band who have the capability to produce a good song, that's when they're not trying to brown nose mainstream popularity and whoring out to their record label like a stereotypical pop band. It does all start to go wrong when you discover that this song was the most expensive song to record of all time, which puts a lot of pressure on it but also seems rather odd, I mean there is nothing particularly revolutionary about it, not like Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band that required an extensive recording, certainly more extensive than this. Especially as a rock band shouldn't really tamper with their music to make it sound artificial, the idea of rock is that it relies on its instruments to make the impact. So I'm not sure why this did, maybe they're not very good at playing their instruments. My second problem is that Queen have the barefaced cheek to classify this song as progressive rock, I mean forgive me if I'm wrong but for a song to be in that genre surely it has to progress, this song manages that for about a minute before going all over the place. For a song to properly progress it takes roughly around 8 minutes, this song is 6 minutes and so Queen are going to have to do a very good job to show me progression, or a good song for that fact, and certainly one that fits the genre.

The song begins nicely, with a good harmony, in fact the harmony sets the rest of the song up nicely. The piano and bass come in at the same time to create what is a ballad segment, a very good ballad segment, with Mercury's vocals following the piano and becoming increasingly powerful throughout the verse. At this point the song is showing good progression, the narrative, if a bit bland, is developing nicely and I'm certainly ready for the next segment. Oh but wait, its a guitar solo? Well that escalated quickly, it seems bizarre that a guitar solo appears halfway through, usually they're saved to the end because of that thing called progression. However here it is acting as a bridge, this final segment is going to be lengthy if the song is going to be in any way progressive. Traditionally a guitar solo is the culmination of the song which is followed by a rundown, an epilogue if you will. If this song culminates at three minutes, then oh dear.

We then arrive at a, I don't know what the hell it is, just random bullshit by the sound of it, with no context at all, if this is the rest of the song then Jesus Christ. Wait, now we're suddenly back to hard rock again which certainly juxtaposes the previous segment, badly, just making it sound poorly written, which it is, as progression has been thrown out the window here as for a song to be progressive it needs to progress, not switch to completely opposite genres with no warning at all and no bridge in between. Nothing cynical really occurs in the outro, but this progressive number still leaves me scratching my head, you just can't juxtapose conflicting genres effectively. Any change in genre must be dealt with progressively, not without notice or it sounds a bit crap.

Now comes the part where I analyze the lyrics, usually I do this with generic pop songs but this time the lyrics are actually written by the band themselves so might actually convey a meaning, we shall see:

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality

Okay these are interesting philosophical points that don't help the plot in any way, surely I need a premise before I can analyze these lyrics because at the moment it just seem like random drivel. It's also contradictory, if there is no escape from reality then why would you question if something was fantasy?

Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go
A little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me

There seems to be an early religious theme here, which doesn't bode well, I don't want a song about homosexuality, that's just self centered. Well we finally have a character, who doesn't want sympathy, noted. There's almost a paradox here that although there is no escape from reality the song seems to be set in a dreamy world, which I rather like, It really makes me wonder.

Mama, just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away 

Pulled my trigger indicates that there was possibly a gun fight, not that it particularly matters in the context, he's still murdered somebody and for that I'm giving him no sympathy just as he requested.

Mama, ooo
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

You didn't mean to make her cry so you murdered somebody, makes sense. I guess this murder may be metaphorical in reference to his sexuality, the man he killed could be himself, interesting.

Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

This doesn't really add anything to the song, it seems pretty self explanatory. This section just screams filler, which is a deadly sin in a progressive song, especially just a few minutes in.

Mama, ooo (anyway the wind blows)
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

It's all about him this song isn't it, I don't want to die. I'm starting to think Freddie Mercury is not the man everyone thinks he is, no he has to have the spotlight. Oh fuck me it's coming up to my favorite part.

I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening me
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo Figaro - magnifico

Mercury himself claimed that these lyrics were "random rhyming nonsense" which shows, just plucking words out the air, just why? I often criticize modern artists for just losing all creativity and singing random crap, but this is a grade-a pile of shit, no point in it at all. To be honest at least most shallow lyrics have some reference to the theme of the song, this doesn't, just as I thought it had a serious message, there isn't, it's just random bollocks. 

But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come easy go will you let me go
Bismillah! No we will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go let me go
Will not let you go let me go (never)
Never let you go let me go
Never let me go ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
For me

I know why nobody loves you, you murder people and then instead of giving your reasons you just spew out random bollocks that have nothing to do with anything. Just a poor boy, he knows about key figures in astronomy and Latin phrases, am I really expected to believe he wasn't aware of what he was doing, remember, no sympathy. This definitely gets repetitive towards the end, hardly lyrical perfection.

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh baby can't do this to me baby
Just gotta get out just gotta get right outta here

The genre switches, again, the song is definitely trying to be more clever than it actually is. I still find it funny that the protagonist is angry at other people, I mean it's not like he murdered anyone is it, I seem to recall a line saying no sympathy, and then when he gets no sympathy he complains, yes these lyrics are well thought out, definitely not hypocritical.

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters nothing really matters to me
Anyway the wind blows

It ends just like that, brilliant. The story has gone absolutely nowhere, making it pointless, there isn't even anything remotely to do with the plot or premise after the first verse. Couple this with the fact that half the song is nonsensical bullshit and you have a seemingly pointless song trying to be a lot better than it actually is, and somehow this gained a huge amount of popularity:

Alh1729 logged onto Amazon to say:

"I sent a list around to all of my friends and relatives. I had hundreds of votes for the song that everybody liked the best. Bohemian Rhapsody had about twenty more votes than any other song plus NOBODY checked the "i don't like this song" column. I was pleased with the results of my survey, seeing as how I love that song. It is really long, but it's awesome. From the slow, tearful "mama *ooooooh* i don't wanna die, but if i'm not back before this time tomororow, carry on..." to the upbeat "valamoosh" (i have no idea how to spell the sounds they make!) It's hard to pinpoint the power behind this song."

Christ you must really like this song to actually conduct a survey around it, that means your opinion is going to be completely unbiased. If you have an 'I don't like this song' column then you're not finding the best song, you're finding the most average song, so all you've discovered is that Bohemian Rhapsody is the most average song, which I agree with. 5 minutes isn't long, especially for a so called progressive number. I'll tell you why it's hard to pinpoint the power and that's because there isn't any. The momentum it does build up is soon lost by the sudden change in genre.

Mikkail Gorbhachev logged on Amazon to say:

"Bohemian rhapsody is Freddie Mercury at his best. This song has a lot of meaning to it, and a good twist of 70's Rock and opera-style singing.This song is definately worth listening to over and over again. And I have seen a few re-makes of this song, and let me tell you, accept nothing else but Queen.This CD is great!"

Well I've just proved this song has no meaning, even Mercury himself admitted that, and juxtaposing genres is never a good fusion.

In conclusion I am disappointed, when I came to review this song I thought I would be criticizing it for different things than what I usually use to criticize more modern artists, but I'm not. Unbelievably this song manages to fall short at what all the current generic pop songs fail at, trying to be something it can never possibly be. There certainly isn't any progression in the song and the lyrics mean absolutely nothing which means it becomes another generic pop song with shallow lyrics and poor execution which even a good soundtrack cannot save. Best song in the world, you've got to be kidding me.

Final Score: 5/10  **1/2

Top 10 Xbox 360 Games Of All Time

Top 10 Xbox 360 Games

With the passing of another gaming generation I thought I would reminisce and pay tribute to what is, in my opinion, the greatest console of all time. Remember this is MY list, not yours, so there will probably be different opinions on display to your own, please keep that in mind before embarrassing yourself in the comments. Here are a few honorable mentions that just missed out:

Minecraft: It's a brilliant game, just a lot better on the PC
Mass Effect: Amazing story and vivid universe, but the visuals and gameplay were definitely not up to the standard they should've been, after all it did start my favorite gaming franchise of all time. But if you play the story through as the good guy, then prepare for the best climax of any game, ever.
Assassin's Creed 2: The best of a great series but it just feels a bit arcadey and repetitive, definitely saved by the historical storyline rather than the tiresome modern one.
Skyrim: It's great, no doubt about that. Just needs a difficulty level as it's far too easy, especially when you kill a dragon in about three shots without it landing a single hit on you. It also needs the protagonist to actually speak, I just don't connect to my character and in the end just sort of stop caring, and the soul cairn can fuck off. 

#10- Mortal Kombat (2011)

GET OVER HERE! Okay maybe this is a personal preference but there is no doubt that this is a great game. The reboot to the classic franchise was definitely a lot better than most peoples expectations and as a lifelong fan of the series I was amazed at how the 3D effects and brilliant combat system combined to make a gory yet incredibly enjoyable fighter. Unlike most games that fans avidly wait for, this one actually delivered with classic elements such as over the top gore and classic characters being combined with new innovative features such as a new combat system, that works an absolute treat, with all characters well balanced making character selection a strategy in itself.

The story is enjoyable, if predictable, especially if you're familiar with the original trilogy, but even lifelong fans will still enjoy seeing the more modern characters integrated into the story. The game is definitely suited for the PS3 controller which is why it's low on this list, but pick up an arcade stick and you will be pulling out people's spines in no time, worth every penny. FATALITY

#9- GTA V (2013)

The majority of you will be wondering why this is a lot lower than usual and that is in no small part to the PR disaster and the constant breaking of promises from what used to be my favorite company, Rockstar. However, there is no argument that GTA V is a technically brilliant game, brilliant mechanics, very good graphics, an excellent level of detail and a superb engine that really make use of everything the Xbox 360 has to offer, you get the feeling when playing it that you are playing with the very limits of the 360's technical capacity and every inch of power has been squeezed out in order to make the game. The new features work brilliantly, the three characters, if stereotypical, work in tandem and switching between them is a treat. The heist missions are also brilliant and my only complaint would be that there isn't enough of them and the story does tend to lag behind in the filler between them.

My main issue with the story is that I feel it plays it safe, the ending is entirely predictable and doesn't feel special, especially when compared to other GTA games. It definitely frustrates me that a game as forward thinking as this has such a basic plot that only really does enough to get buy. Still, it is a brilliant gaming experience and definitely a fitting finale for one of the all time great consoles.

#8- Far Cry 3 (2012)

Far Cry over GTA, you must think I'm insane, but did I ever tell you the definition of insanity? Insanity is doing the exact same fucking thing over and over again expecting shit to change. That is my reasoning, Far Cry has Vaas, GTA has a stereotypical mobster, haven't seen that one before. Far Cry just excels at what makes open world games great, brilliant side missions, fantastic combat and a brilliant storyline right up until the later half where it starts to become a bit dull. This is my main issue with Far Cry, the first half of the story is absolutely brilliant, Vaas is an amazing antagonist and so of course when he inevitably departs, the story looses its sparkle. The protagonist is also the classic Ubisoft dick and in the end he just becomes insufferable, this could of been one of the best games of all time if they had just cut the campaign in half. Still, the game is brilliant and in my opinion better than GTA by a mile.

#7- Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (2007)

So this is where it all began, and the world had never seen anything like it. This is the blueprint of all modern shooters, a Led Zeppelin if you will of the video game industry. The multiplayer mode is just so mindblowingly forward thinking, the leap forward between the previous games is unbelievable. No matter how hard Battlefield tries or their stupid fanbase excretes all over the internet their pretentious bullshit, this will go down as the greatest shooter of all time.

The story is also excellent, even when the pace slows down it still feels solid and then if it does begin to tire it ramps the tempo up at just the right time. It definitely does something that no other COD has done, and that is feel unpredictable, that definitely makes the campaign another brilliant experience, which when combined with brilliantly fun multiplayer creates an excellent game.

#6- GTA IV (2008)

This might turn a few heads but I generally feel that this was a much better title than its successor. This does everything GTA V does, just a bit better, especially considering that this game was released five years before its successor and therefore I feel slightly more influential. Sure the shooting and general mechanics of the game are nowhere near as good as five's, but this game succeeds in a much more compelling story that unlike five's is unpredictable and actually has a good ending with much more dynamic characters and a game that actually works, see it can be done Rockstar. GTA V was nowhere near as influential as this, when this was released there was nothing on the market even remotely like it and for that it deserves to be higher.

#5- Forza Motorsport 4 (2011)

Turn 10 must be the only game studio that can churn out brilliant game after brilliant game without it becoming tiring, I don't think there has ever been an underwhelming Forza, which certainly made this decision hard. I certainly loved Forza Horizon, it took the series into new directions and as something a little bit different it was quite simply brilliant, However, I look for more realism in a driving game, I feel the open world aspects of racing games is stacked with other excellent titles where as when it comes to realistic racers there are really only two, Forza and GT. Gran Turismo certainly used to be a better title, but now the ultimate racer has to go to Forza.

This racer simply has everything, 500 customizable cars to choose from, stunning graphics, brilliant audio and to top it off Jeremy Clarkson talking through your favorite cars. It definitely isn't just looks though as this is without the doubt the ultimate simulator, the physics are so beautifully worked that it does make you feel like you are actually driving the car and with so many events to choose from you will never get bored. Quite simply the greatest driving game of all time.

#4- LA Noire (2011)

I like it when game companies take a risk, because when they work they really hit the mark. This game can be summed up in word, stunning. The game is also incredibly unique with nothing else that fits into this genre, it's definitely different, and I appreciate that. The main draw of this game for me is the visuals, I have never seen a game look this good, some of the visuals are stunning and the facial recognition system works an absolute treat, maybe even too well as sometimes the tells are a bit obvious during interrogation scenes.

The plot is also brilliant, to people who say video games can't contain a good storyline then fuck them, the plot in this game is five thousand times better than the majority of films and almost plays out like a novel creating a very enjoyable, gripping and engaging experience, something that Heavy Rain has since tried to emulate. While this game certainly isn't for everyone, especially for the usual Rockstar fanbase who would probably get bored after 5 minutes due to the lack of combat, but screw them. This brilliant game tells a brilliantly scripted dark tale that actually forces the player to use their brain, and when you do it creates an epic and totally unique experience

#3- Mass Effect 2 & Mass Effect 3 (2010, 2012)

The very best gaming series from the king of RPGs, I simply love the Mass Effect universe. I love it so much that I really cannot decide between two and three, they are both amazing but both have some annoying faults, I couldn't split them hence my decision. Two was a massive improvement to the already excellent first installment. The core gameplay was completely overhauled with a new, very impressive engine that creates outstanding action sequences and lush visuals. The RPG elements to this game are the best of any I've ever played, the decisions that you make directly affect the narrative which makes the experience more engaging and puts real pressure on the player to make the correct choice. My only real criticism for this game is the linear storyline, which only really is a prequel to the third installment meaning it definitely doesn't feel as epic as the first game.

Contrary to popular opinions, I loved the third installment just as much as the second. I stand by my opinion that the combat system in this game is the best of all time with brilliantly balanced guns and customization, there is even a difficulty level that makes the game incredibly easy if you just want to follow the narrative, great idea, I wish more games would use that, or at least include a difficulty level, Skyrim. The visuals are as good as ever and the plethora of varied characters returns to create a brilliant gaming experience. I also highly recommend the first set of DLC that is absolutely amazing, definitely the best DLC of all time. The plot is definitely improved from the second game, this time it feels a lot more risky and the dark undertone creates an emotional and engaging experience right up to the end, that is my only criticism. The ending, although dramatically epic, wasn't really explained and in the end the fantastic decision making from the previous games felt rather pointless as all the outcomes were more or less the same. However, this is a small price to pay for two amazing games. I can't wait to see what Bioware does with the series next. 

#2- Call of Duty 6: Modern Warfare 2 (2009)

How do you follow up the greatest shooter of all time, like this of course. Anyone who hates Call of Duty clearly hasn't played this. Firstly the story is vintage Call of Duty narrative crossed with some excellent missions and a brilliant twist that, like the fourth game made the plot feel unpredictable and exciting. Controversial, yes, but ask Eric Bischoff and he will tell you that controversy creates cash, and boy did it. However, the main reason I love this game so much is the almost perfect multiplayer. For the first, and only time, Call of Duty featured a variety of well balanced guns, brilliant action packed maps, a balanced perk system and the signature ranking system that has truly made Call of Duty a staple of the gaming community. Arguably the fourth game did have these features, but I find that Modern Warfare 2 took these as a basis and then improved on them, with great effect. I find with the newer versions of this franchise that the developers have tried to force players to adopt a playing style that the developers want, but in Modern Warfare 2 you weren't punished for a different playing style and so I feel any fan of the genre can still have a good time. Sure, it might not be a technical masterpiece, and spec ops side missions are nowhere near as fun as zombies, but who cares. It's just so much fun.


#1- Red Dead Redemption (2010)

It couldn't really be anything else, the gaming equivalent of perfection, I regularly run out of superlatives to describe this game. This masterpiece is just the culmination of everything I love about gaming, vast, dynamic worlds, an amazing narrative with brilliantly portrayed characters and some of the best visuals there are to offer, this game has it all. There really isn't anything wrong with this game, whether you're riding off into the sunset to meet your long lost family while being chased by bears or playing a great game of poker, this game never fails to put a smile on your face. Just brilliant, an ode to the Xbox 360 and a fitting tribute.

Music Review: Can't Remember To Forget You

Shakira- Can't Remember To Forget You ft. Rihanna

Good god almighty, how this is not considered pornography I am yet to understand, quite hard to take a song like this seriously when you're throwing away soggy tissues, you definitely remember it though. The song is meant to be a little bit different from your average pop song with elements of reggae but as far as I can tell it still seems like a standard pop song apart from maybe five seconds from the beginning. This style has been compared with The Police which I'm sure is another way of saying boring or that it's a pop rock track, I'm sure John Lennon must be turning in his grave.

I can't seem to understand the title, it doesn't make sense. She can remember to forget him as she's singing about it and you don't remember to forget someone because that would just be remembering, not forgetting, just confusing really. The song is obviously about a guy that Shakira still loves even though she hates him, a theme that has been taken from a list of about a million songs, so nothing different there. Shakira herself said "I think every woman has been through that. This song is not exactly a reflection of my personal life right now." What this probably means is that we're going to get a very stereotypical pop song with shallow lyrics because it isn't something personal to the singer. It would be like me making a song about the currency of Norway, I don't care about that, it's not a personal issue or interest and so it's almost certainly going to be rubbish and lacking in any creativity.

To be honest the song actually starts out very well, it's definitely something a little different from the usual pop songs of today. The beat is good and the verses set up what should be a very good chorus. Unfortunately they don't quite do this as the chorus is terribly constructed and only consists of wailing and repetition which really isn't good. The change in tempo isn't necessary either and it quickly dies down into another decent verse after another. I'm not really sure why Rihanna is needed in this song, I'm not saying she's bad but her appearance doesn't really seem necessary and I'm pretty sure Shakira could of writhed around the sofa with very little clothing on just as well on her own. I just feel Rihanna is there to boost the sales, which she almost certainly will. If there's one this song is it is underwhelming, the star power on display should combine to create a better song this, it just seems a bit safe, nothing special as the lyrics will now demonstrate:

 I left a note on my bedpost
Said not to repeat
Yesterday's mistakes
What I tend to do
When it comes to you
I see only the good
Selective memory
The way he makes me feel, yeah
Gotta hold on me
I've never met someone so different

Leaving a note on your bedpost, yep unless your lover is a stalker or a burglar then they are going to have no idea of your intentions, but that's women for you. She only sees the good, must be why she left him, I mean women often leave men because they're too good, it does mean her opinions of him are going to be biased throughout the rest of the song which is always a good sign.

  Oh here we go
He a part of me now
He a part of me
So where you go I follow, follow, follow

Oh, so much of this not repeating crap, she's now bloody following him, that's women for you.

Oh, oh, oooh, oh
Oh, oh, oooh, oh
I can't remember to forget you
Oh, oh, oooh, oh
Oh, oh, oooh, oh
I keep forgetting I should let you go
But when you look at me
The only memory is us kissing in the moonlight
Oh, oh, oooh, oh
Oh, oh, oooh, oh
I can't remember to forget you

Jesus, just write it on your hand, then you won't forget, although you obviously do remember as you're singing about it. This is just about a women living in denial, quite tragic really. Rihanna now begins:

I go back again
Fall off the train
Land in his bed
Repeat yesterday's mistakes
What I'm trying to say is not to forget
You see only the good, selective memory
The way he makes me feel like
The way he makes me feel
I never seemed to act so stupid
Oh here we go
He a part of me now
He a part of me
So where he goes I follow

(Chorus)

Landing in someones bed by falling off a train, impressive, he must live in a field or something, I mean why doesn't she just wait for the next station, you can get seriously hurt falling off trains and I would never want anything like that to happen to anybody, especially Shakira. Rihanna also has a speech impediment as she can't say a simple phrase, even if she can't say it it still means she REMEMBERS, this isn't making any sense. Rihanna also seems to have the mating ritual of an angler fish, as the male becomes conjoined to the female and eventually they form a single organism. There's a nice fact for you, thank me later.

I rob and I kill to keep him with me
I do anything for that boy
I'd give my last dime to hold him tonight
I do anything for that boy (x2)

(Chorus)

Well this has taken a dark turn, fuck me she's a maniac, if I was that boy I would get the hell out of there, but as long as she's giving her last dime to me then I really don't care what she does.

Matt Negyedi logged onto Amazon to say:
"masterpiece from Shakira. unique, new and amazing. The album called Shakira is out on the 25th of march. buy it."
Well this certainly isn't a masterpiece, not even close. I guess you can say it's unique, I wouldn't necessarily praise it for that though seeing as it is quite similar to most other pop songs in the charts at the moment, but it definitely does stand out. New, yes because that makes everything brilliant, here's some of my feces, freshly made this morning. Thanks for the plug but I definitely won't be buying it, especially since it's free on the internet.

Keith Murphy reviewed the song on Vibe, commenting:
"it takes on a surreal energy with the likes of Rihanna handling the reigns. When she follows up Shakira’s helpless plea with the ironic lyrics, “I go back again/Fall off the train/Land in his bed/Repeat yesterday's mistakes,” you are instantly reminded of her turbulent love affair with Chris Brown. It’s a reality that gives “Can’t Remember to Forget You.” 
Energy, guess I must have missed something, it was quite plain to me. Irony is a comedic device and so it doesn't really belong in what is essentially a serious song, especially when murdering is involved. It was the Chris Brown affair that made me loose all sympathy with Rihanna and therefore I have no sympathy for the person in this song, it's not reality it's someone being a twat.

Overall I can't help feeling a little underwhelmed by this song, all the signs were there and I did predict that it would be poor from the start but with the star power on display I expected something extra, but in the end all I got was two very attractive ladies flaunting around on a bed. It does try and be something different, and for that I will give it credit, but it still can't escape that standard pop feeling with its generic lyrics and nothing to really separate it from the rest of the crowd. A nice try but I expected a lot more from these two.

Final Score 4/10 **

Music Review: Waka Waka

Shakira - Waka Waka

Due to the world cup being just a few short months away, this time from the greedy bastards that call their country Brazil, because they really needed the World Cup as well as the Olympics, they haven't even given me any views, bastards. Indonesia on the other hand, great place for a World Cup. With all joking aside this was the song selected to represent the nation of South Africa from the very South African Shakira with a token South African group in the back. She is very attractive though, and that's all I have to say about Shakira apart from the fact she never knows what language to release her next song in.This becomes incredibly problematic, especially with this number, as it actually combines three, meaning I have to translate it. Brilliant, even Google Translate can't do three.

The song appears to be stolen by Fozzy Bear, that's where I assume it came from anyway, certainly not meaning "come, come" or "do it". The internet seemed very divided over the meaning of this phrase but all I will say is when you look at it it gives a whole new meaning to the Muppet franchise, seriously though I hope they're getting royalties for this. There are thousands more jokes I could make about the title but for now all I will say is thank you for encouraging me to 'come' Shakira, that is in one of my many dreams, but with your dancing I already am.

The song begins with a native intro that I could've mistaken for a didgeridoo but then my knowledge of traditional African instruments isn't that great, last time I checked it was drums and spears with the occasional civil war, so I will accept that it's an African instrument of some sort, zero chance that it was made by a computer, zero, at least it wasn't a vuvuzela or I'd shove it straight up her ass and take a lot of pleasure in doing that. To be honest though the intro is definitely a welcome addition, it really does fit the genre and there is certainly a traditional African theme in the foreground. I will definitely give the song this, it is a lot of fun, it sometimes tries to be a serious song but always feels quite light hearted which is why I do get slightly annoyed when Shakira tries to bring modern politics into it. At the end of the day it should never take itself as a serious song, which I think it tries to, it should be a song about football and advertising South Africa, not political messages. The actual verses seem to descend into what seems like a rushed affair as the smooth backing track is interrupted by the constant switch from one dialect to another, never staying on one for too long meaning you do loose track of the plot of the song. The lyrics go something along the lines of this:

You're a good soldier
Choosing your battles
Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and back in the saddle
You're on the front line
Everyone's watching
You know it's serious we're getting closer, this isn't over

No, they're not good soldiers, they're good footballers. Soldiers don't tend to writhe around on the floor after they were lightly touched by the opposition, and since when did soldiers choose their battles, I thought they obeyed orders, they certainly do in the films I've seen. Sorry for being pedantic but not everybody is watching. FIFA claimed that 3.2 billion people watched the final, which is probably a massive lie, but that would only be 44% of the world's population, so the lyric should be 44% of people are watching, not everyone.

The pressure is on
You feel it
But you've got it all
Believe it
When you get down oh oh
And if you get up eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa
'Cause this is Africa

Tsamina mina zangalewa means where did you come from, because this is Africa. Is she implying that Africa is racist or suggesting that there still isn't race equality in that part of the world, who knows, although that line is probably there to remind people that this is about Africa, because you never know, they might miss the next line, or the five thousand other references to Africa throughout the entire song.

(Chorus)

Tsamina mina eh eh
Waka waka eh eh
Tsamina mina zangalewa
This time for Africa

Where did you come from and then do it, either my translation is horribly wrong or this song doesn't make any sense, to be honest it's probably both.

Listen to your God
This is our motto
Your time to shine don't wait in line y vamos por todo
People are raising
Their expectations
Go on and feed them this is your moment no hesitations

y vamos por todo means we are everything, which for some unknown reason has to be in Spanish, you know in case you got confused with the last change in language. All this to describe a game of over payed twats thinking they're in some way special kicking a spherical object towards a rather large net and somehow missing most of the time.

Today's your day
I feel it
You paved the way
Believe it
If you get down get up oh oh
When you get down get up eh eh

(Chorus)

Shakira here addressing the important and controversial issue of diving in football.

Ame la mejole biggi biggi mubbo wa A to Z
Asi tsu zala makyuni biggi biggi mubbo from East to West
Asi waga waga ma eh eh waga waga ma eh eh
Tendency suna tsibuye 'cause this is Africa (Africa, Africa Africa)

(Chorus)

Not even going to try, sounds like the noise Steven Hawking would make if he short circuits. The rest is the same half African half English chorus, so yes, the song does get quite repetitive, especially for a 3 minute number.

Now let's see what other people thought of this song, Dark Knight logged onto Amazon to say:
"Shakira is the best and is one of the greatest talents of our times! The lyrics, music, dancing skills, everything is extra ordinary."
It might just be me, but I think this guy quite likes Shakira, the fandom does get a bit too much as it obviously clouds his judgment. Shakira is a good talent, at singing into a computer, it's not as if she's ever picked up a guitar and started playing and singing at the same time, as far as I'm concerned she's just a computer which isn't very talented at all. However, she is a very talented linguist which does mean you can never understand her bloody songs, so no Dark Knight the song doesn't have great lyrics as they couldn't even be bothered to translate them and your other categories that according to you define a brilliant song are rather shallow. The song definitely isn't extra ordinary, it's average at best.

Entertainment Weekly said:
"The hooks here are nowhere near as indelible or inventive as those on last year’s awesome She Wolf, but they’ll do."
Christ people are easily pleased, since when was the very average She Wolf considered awesome, the only hooks I could get from it were annoying animal noises which is just stupid, not inventive.

Overall then the song fails at what the majority of pop songs nowadays try, it wants to become something more than it actually is. The song should be about celebrating football but instead we get this weak political message coming through that really doesn't belong in a pop song. It's also not very easy when nobody understands the message because you keep changing the bloody language every two lines. It certainly isn't a terrible song and I suppose it does try and keep to its feel good feeling for the majority, it's the overcomplicated lyrics that let it down, and the stealing off an innocent puppet that makes a living by telling bad jokes, are you happy now Shakira.

Final Score: 4/10 **