Companies are always trying to better their competition, but sometimes the great ideas they have can go horribly wrong. Stupid decisions can lose businesses millions of dollars, and here are ten of those mishaps that hilariously failed for the companies in question.
#10 Ford Pinto (1970-1980)
Despite looking disgusting, the ugly appearance wasn't the monumental flaw that led to the downfall of the Ford Pinto. The actual car was for Americans a new breed of car that Ford aimed to rival the thriving European market of small and compact cars. The Pinto was never going to beat the European competition, as in comparison it was shit, but in America sales weren't too bad with just over three million being sold over a ten year period. However being the product of American car design it was built very poorly and had two huge flaws in that the breaks didn't work properly, and that the fuel tank would leak underneath the car in the event of a crash, sending the car into a burning inferno of death. Did Ford fix these fatal issues? No of course not, they just paid the lawsuits of various victims as it was cheaper than redesigning the whole car.
However despite being assholes about safety, the Pinto was an even bigger disaster in other areas of the world for a very simple reason. The safety issues gave the car a bad press in the US, but over in Brazil the car wasn't selling at all. In English the word 'pinto' is used to describe a certain coloration of horses, but in Brazil it's used to refer to a man with a very small penis. Not surprisingly Ford re-branded the car in Brazil as the 'Corcel', which thankfully is a horse and not a penis. However the damage was done and the Pinto flopped in Brazil with estimates claiming that Ford lost in excess of 137 million dollars each year. A costly mistake for just a poorly worded car.
#9 McDonald's Arch Deluxe (1996)
The 'Arch Deluxe' was McDonald's attempt to appeal to an adult market. For some reason they thought that this burger would scream of sophistication to anyone who went in McDonald's, which is funny as if you end up in McDonald's you really have no concept of what sophistication is. McDonald's were convinced that no child or proletariat would ever want to consume a product that is a hamburger with some special mayonnaise, even funding adverts that showed kids refusing to eat what is essentially a fancy burger. McDonald's spent over a 100 million dollars on a huge advertising campaign that would showoff this new revolutionary burger, that still didn't look sophisticated to any rational human being. You never know, kids might have enjoyed it, but thanks to high calorie contents and disappointing taste adults didn't like the product at all, and by the end of the year the product was discontinued. It's thought that McDonald's lost over 300 million dollars when marketing, production and research were taken into account. A catastrophic failure in America, yet variants still exits in French and Russian McDonald's.
#8 Honda ASIMO (2000)
I was reluctant to include what still is today a revolutionary project that does show that robotics may be able to become a reality in our everyday lives. However the original 2000 release of the 'Advance Step in Innovative Mobility' wasn't exactly the most successful launch of all time. Honda had originally planned for the 'ASIMO' to be used as a slave by people such as the elderly or people with disabilities. That idea soon went out the window when the robot couldn't even get up a flight of stairs during the press conference, and so now the product basically just tours around the world for people to be amazed by. At this current time the product still has no realistic hope of ever being used by the general public, which comes at the great dismay of many people who got suckered into the idea that some day they might be able to own a pet robot that does all their work for them.
Admittedly the latest models of the robot have become a lot more sophisticated than its original release. Now 'ASIMO' is able to walk up stairs, run like it's shit itself, greet people, conduct orchestras for some reason, and dance. I'm sure it wasn't exactly the original plan to make this thing into a novelty item, but amazingly Honda have released 13 for sale at the quite costly sum of 2.5 million dollars or just 150,000 dollars a month to rent. It's not actually known how much the robot cost to develop, but as this was a huge 20 year project that led up to 'ASIMO's' release it can't have been small. It's safe to say that ASIMO will almost certainly never make a profit of any kind in my lifetime, unless Honda aim the product at people who have more money than sense to cash in on their revolutionary but flawed product.
#7 Ayds Diet Candy (1937-1988)
I don't think this one needs much explaining. The number seven spot was actually a close run thing between this and 'Golden Gaytime' ice cream. However the ice cream was never a popular selling confectionery item, unlike 'Ayds' was until the outbreak of AIDS in the 1980's. The irony was that the selling point of 'Ayds' diet chocolate bar was that it helped you lose weight, something that the AIDS disease can also do for you, and so not surprisingly sales for the chocolate bar dropped 50%. In retrospect watching the adverts on the internet are just hilarious, and even that slogan above is a great source of dark humour. You can hardly blame the company for this unfortunate mishap, but why the hell they didn't decide to immediately re-brand the product is my biggest issue.
#6 Jagermeister Pool Party (2013)
If you're the owner of Jagermeister and make alcoholic beverages for vomiting teenagers like myself who think destroying their liver makes them cool, then sponsoring a pool party to promote your very nice beverage is a situation you cannot possibly fuck up. Any pool party is a cool place to be, but one sponsored by some alcoholic drinks is a business move that must surely be a winner. Unfortunately if you happened to go to a Mexican pool party run by Jagermeister then things didn't go as planned when the organisers decided that the pool containing chlorine needed to be livened up by adding liquid nitrogen into the mix to create a smokescreen effect. The chemistry of liquid nitrogen and chlorine reacting in water are that the liquid nitrogen boils almost instantly, displacing the oxygen above the pool and releasing harmful chlorine filled chemicals that cause asphyxiation to anyone nearby. That reaction is actually quite similar to one used in World War One to make mustard gas. This isn't a good thing if the targeted area is a swimming pool where people are likely to drown if knocked out by toxic gases. The results of this monumental fuck up were eight people admitted to hospital and another left in a coma for multiple weeks. It turns out that poisoning water supplies isn't a good move if you make beverages for a living, promoting safe and responsible drinking.
#5 Dr. Pepper and Guns 'n' Roses (2008)
Dr. Pepper decided in 2008 that it could cash in on America's love for the collection of twats known as 'Guns 'n' Roses'. I as a human being passionately hate the stupid band, and so for me Dr. Pepper trying to endorse the band to release new material is a decision that infuriated me. Being as the stupid band are actually quite popular Dr. Pepper decided that if 'Guns 'n' Roses' decided to release their long awaited album 'Chinese Democracy' in 2008 then Dr. Pepper would give everyone a free can of their signature formula. The problem is that lead singer Axl Rose is a massive, talentless twat and so of course releases the album that very year.
Amazingly Dr. Pepper did go through with their promise and rushed to complete a website where customers could claim their free can for 24 hours. Unfortunately, or rather fortunately for Dr. Pepper this website didn't work and decided to crash a lot, although whether that was on purpose is another matter. Not only did this end up making Dr. Pepper look like misleading bellends, but it also became a problem when lawsuits started turning up left right and centre claiming that Dr. Pepper had been dishonest with their customers. Axl Rose even filed a lawsuit against the company, and he's about the last person in the world who should be able to file a lawsuit for dishonesty. Not only was this a stupid move by Dr. Pepper but it also meant that 'Chinese Democracy' was actually released, and in my opinion that turned out to be one of the worst albums I've ever had the displeasure of listening to. And that concludes the story of the most expensive episode ever of 'Call My Bluff'.
#4 United Way Balloonfest '86 (1986)
United Way is a charitable organisation that operates throughout America, but unfortunately for them that doesn't mean they can't be held accountable for royally fucking up. The charity ran an event in Cleveland that had the exciting aim of breaking the world record for the most balloons released at once; that's 1.5 million balloons. If the above picture is anything to go by then Cleveland did indeed need cheering up by a fuckload of balloons, and I can't think of a better way to cheer up a whole city. As you can see this was an event held to satisfy the public and raise some good money for charity.
Unfortunately nobody at United Way is a trained meteorologist and so the balloons were released into a cool air filled with a torrent of rain. As a result the balloons fell straight back down into the centre of Cleveland and the surrounding area, virtually fucking up the lives of anyone who lived nearby. As a result of this cock up there was a huge rise in traffic collisions, the local airport had to be closed for half an hour due to balloons present on the runway, and some woman's prized racehorse died when the balloons panicked it. But the worst part came when the coastguard were subsequently unable to rescue two stranded sailors, and it was only when the two bodies were washed ashore that United Way realised that they had fucked up big time from what was thought to be a harmless charity event. Let's face it, claiming the lives of two people is a pretty serious consequence of any charity event.
#3 Ford Edsel (1958-1960)
This is the famous failure that apparently made other cars look ordinary, which it did, because the Edsel was butt ugly. Who in all honesty would pay good money for a car that looked as piss poor as that? Well not many Americans actually, as despite Ford's claims that this car could outcompete General Motors, it turned out to be a car even American buyers were too embarrassed to splash their cash on. That didn't stop Ford though; they were convinced that the Edsel was the car of the future, and so they spent millions on advertising that made the car look so much better than it could ever possibly be. Ford couldn't deliver on these ridiculous promises they originally claimed, and that ended up in an epic failure.
The Edsel disaster has now become famous because of how badly the car sold. Only two million of the things were even sold in the two years of production, which is 116,000 less than the break even point that Ford had projected. As a result Ford lost over 350 million dollars, which doesn't sound too bad, but when you consider that in today's money that's a loss of 2.8 billion dollars then you realise just how badly Ford fucked up. Ford managed to build a car for nobody that didn't perform as expected and wasn't reliable in any way. This negative attitude spread, and it's only recently that these cars have started to become a valuable commodity, with them often selling for 100,000 dollars each. However despite their value the Edsel is still a properly shit car that's become the hallmark of failed products.
#2 McDonald's Olympic Giveaway (1984)
For some reason McDonald's decided that during the 1984 Olympics they would give control of the free food they were giving away to the US Olympic team. The idea was that if the US team won an Olympic medal then McDonald's would give away a corresponding prize if you were drawn in that discipline. On paper this sounded a good idea; gold was a Big Mac, silver was fries and bronze was a Coke. To be fair to McDonald's this scheme did initially boost sales, but that's only because of how much free stuff they would be giving away. You see the 1984 Olympics were boycotted by both the Soviet and East German teams due to not being on the best of terms with the host nation, leaving the US team virtually unopposed through the majority of disciplines. As a result the US won A LOT of medals. 174 medals to be precise, with 83 of them being gold ones. McDonald's ended up having to give away a lot of free burgers, and there were reports that their stock was running out at various locations around the country. It seems McDonald's forgot how to control the free food they were giving away, which really isn't a sound business strategy.
#1 New Coke (1985)
Despite being ahead of the 'Cola Wars' for almost their entire history, Coca Cola decided in 1985 to completely re-brand their product in response to the minor gains that Pepsi had made over the previous years. Coca Cola even went as far as to rename and redesign their iconic product, changing the recipe and launching a huge campaign that would finally see them triumph in the 'Cola Wars'. Not surprisingly changing your iconic product after 100 years is going to be a controversial move, and because of this radical dismissal of heritage people quite literally revolted. There was a huge backlash to the new product, with Coca Cola receiving 400,000 complaints about their so called 'New Coke'. Even famous customers such as Fidel Castro voiced their complaint at Coca Cola's changes, and so just three months later Coca Cola made a huge U-turn and reverted to their old formula. This embarrassing move highlighted the rule of 'if it isn't broken, don't fix it', and also gave Coca Cola a big lesson to never change their iconic product.
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