Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Morons of the Internet: Bustle

This is the segment where I scour my favourite forums around the Internet and find some particularly interesting articles about current affairs told in the words of my favourite human beings.

In this edition we have another one of those pathetic pieces of propaganda aimed at deluded feminists. This video manages to pull off the neat trick of dictating how women should look whilst simultaneously criticising others who dictate how women should look. Seriously just watch these walruses pander to morons, it's embarrassing.


1. Why are you working on your bikini body when the sun arrives? If you had actually done some serious exercise in your life, which by the looks of it you haven't, then you would know that it takes a lot of fucking time to look like a healthy and fit human being; time that you evidently don't have. Just doing one sit up when summer starts is going to do fuck all. But then what would these fat bitches know? They obviously prioritise whinging on the Internet over a healthy human body. Real inspirational stuff ladies.

2. "Start a gruelling workout routine and manipulate your natural shape." I hate to break it to you but the shape of a blue whale isn't healthy for the human body, even if you do claim it's natural. Why would you even encourage people to not keep themselves healthy? How shitty and irresponsible is that. Just because something is natural doesn't mean it's good, as I'm sure that woman with one leg would tell you. Malaria is also a natural condition, so are you saying that we should stop treating Malaria victims because that's manipulating the natural human condition?

3. "Unobtainable and oppressive idea of perfection." No a healthy body is perfectly attainable, hence why you're talking about it now. Sure you may not have a perfect body, but why is that an excuse to start badmouthing the aspirational women who do want a perfect bikini body? Also, how the fuck are bikini bodies oppressive? I never thought I would see the day when working out was seen as oppressive, but once again feminists you have to take your level of shit one step further than every other shitlord. Nobody is fucking forcing you to have a perfect body. I thought feminists were supposed to be for empowering women as a whole, not pandering like impetulant children at the expense of others.

4. "That's not how exercise works." Why the fuck would I take exercising tips off of you? Maybe I would take them off a personal trainer, who are famed for all being grotesquely obese. If you did know about exercise then there would at least be some telling signs, and the fact that most of you are clinically obese tells me very clearly not to trust this bullshit. Christ knows how heavy you were before you became self declared experts on exercise. I suppose they say the Moon is getting further away from Earth, so maybe it was the gravitational pull from your excessive flab keeping it in orbit.

5. "No one else gets to tell you what your body looks like." Apart from the women in this video apparently, who are doing exactly that now. You could trust these women over medical experts, but if I was you when a medical professional tells you to loose some weight then I would fucking listen fatso, because they might actually knows something about what they're talking about.

6. "Your body needs food to provide energy." That's correct, it does. However your body suffers when you consume more energy than you burn off. That's basic biology, not oppression. You can claim your point is scientifically accurate all you want, but let's put your fact into context.

7. You make this pathetic video and yet you still wonder why women have been subjected to inequality for hundreds of years. Just look at yourselves. Fuck me, maybe Shariah law is the way forward.

8. How the fuck will reading get you into a healthy physical state? Maybe now I understand how you land whales got to be that size if you think that reading is an acceptable form of exercise.

9. "Your brain is a beautiful part of the body." I would disagree with that. Intelligence and personality can certainly be beautiful traits in a human, but I never see people being turned on by the mush leaking out of a man's skull after a horrific accident. There's a reason why Stephen Hawking doesn't get on many front covers in beauty magazines.

10. "Casually reflecting the male gaze." Somehow love I doubt many men are going to be staring at you for too long. I know you arrogant and ignorant bitches like to become the centre of attention, but men are not going to be taking much interest if you look as grotesque as you do, except maybe wondering why there's a beached whale on the shore.

11. "Maybe every body is a bikini body." Yeah okay, maybe. However on what grounds does that mean you should encourage people to be spitting images of walruses? I absolutely believe that women should be encouraged to love their natural figure. Obesity however is not your natural figure, and incredibly damaging to your health. It's funny how there weren't any petite body types in this video, just overweight ones. I think it's becoming very clear who this video is targeting, and in all honesty the attitude of these impetulant feminists is just spiteful.

12. "Aspirational tropes of beauty are BS." No they're not, it's called sexual selection. More attractive individuals are more likely to pass on their genes, leading to traits that indicate a high fitness of an individual becoming selected for in a population. Being fat is a sign on unhealthiness, where as having an impressive figure is a sign of strong genes. I don't know how I feel about this stupid point, as the less chance these women have to reproduce the better.

Overall this video is a fucking joke. These women have the audacity to speak to the audience in such a condescending tone when in reality their message is both irresponsible and harmful. To be patronising people into believing that they're going to be happy no matter what their body shape is an incredibly naive attitude to have, especially when women's happiness is rapidly declining. Stop demonising people who are attracted to healthy people. Stop bullying those who take time to make sure they look attractive to the general population. They should be allowed to be proud about how they look because they've taken the time and effort to make a difference, not making videos whinging about how healthy people are all that's wrong with society. Obesity is quite literally a huge issue. Here in Britain it puts an enormous strain on healthcare, with estimates claiming it causes 2.3 billion pounds worth of damage each year. Globally humanity is currently in an obesity crisis that is spiralling out of control, killing 2.8 million people each year. That's a huge figure, and one that's greater than the number of deaths caused by conflicts. So before you let these harmful women dictate what you find attractive, actually think about the harmful effects this attitude has on humanity.

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