WWE 2K18 Review

It's just shit. And that's the bottom line, because I fucking well said so.

We all like a good moan at video game critics. Yes they often give suspiciously strange and inconsistent scores for games, and yes they often live in some ethics based wonderland, but every so often I will agree that they get a game completely wrong. What fucking game have they been playing when this repetitive garbage manages to score in the region of seven or eight out of ten? That's better than average, yet surely any sane human being who picks up this game for more than an hour can realise it's sub par at best. I implore these idiots to play such classics as 'Smackdown: Here Comes The Pain', a game so awesome you'll notice it's part of my hall of fame if you end up scrolling to the bottom of the page. Maybe by playing actual wrestling games these idiots that are payed to critically review the latest titles might start to understand why the majority of players are getting increasingly frustrated by the shit on offer here. Maybe then they can understand that giving this pile of shit a score of eight out of ten is fucking deluded considering since two thousand and fucking four wrestling games have taken a severe drop in quality. Okay, we as players might be getting more in terms of quantity, and trust me the roster in this game is damn impressive, as is the variety of game modes, but unfortunately there's no quality control to back all this stuff up. Fundamental errors have been made here; fundamental errors that leading reviewers have failed to pick up on.

Let's begin by dissecting the very worst WWE 2K18 has to offer: The disastrous career mode. In short it's fucking terrible. You may have heard some talk of loot boxes surrounding this game, and although thankfully there are no microtransactions present, there are randomised crates unlocked via a virtual currency system present in this game mode. I don't know who thought adding this randomised loot was a good idea, but fuck you. I would support this idea if it actually followed the idea of having a progression system, where you unlock moves and attires for your character with earned points. However the system in place is a blatantly restrictive wall where you grind to unlock items at random. If you want a cool outfit to complete your desired character then you better play about 500 matches just to afford a single deluxe loot crate. And hey, if that one in a thousand item you were looking for doesn't appear then feel free to grind for it all over again. Obviously no sane person finds this fun so you just have to stick with a character that looks terrible, and nothing like I want it to. It's meant to represent my journey as a wrestler, but at the moment it looks like something you would find hidden in a basement after 30 years of parental abuse. The cringey dialogue generated for the storyline doesn't help that image go away.

And do you know what? The loot system is not even the real pile of shit. Oh no, that's the constant fucking loading screens. You want to start the actual game mode? Loading screen. Oh you want to go backstage? Loading Screen. How about starting a match? Even longer loading screen. Now do you need to find the parking attendant for some stupid fucking reason? Loading screen. This may all be acceptable if these were brief loading times, but they go on for ever. I must have memorised that entire soundtrack of eleven songs in a day through the sheer boredom of waiting for at least something to happen. And trust me, nobody wants to memerise some of that shite music. Maybe it's the sheer realism of the game informing me that becoming a wrestler is a fucking dull job. Maybe all backstage areas at wrestling events are filled with meaningless dialogue and terrible looking wrestlers. That's of course assuming the game can cope with this excitement. Even just moving around a bit will push the game to its limits and tank the framerate. I've heard these were all big issues last year, so what the fuck have the developers been doing? It's just not fucking acceptable in a triple-A franchise.

I just can't comprehend why the developers thought a generic wrestler talking to another generic character with terrible dialogue would be in any way fun.

Even when you get through the irritating game modes you are left with a core gaming experience that's hopelessly flawed. The matches for example do not adhere to the classic style where having fun was the primary objective. Sure the modern matches may be more realistic, if you can apply that term to a simulated wrestling match, but the actual gameplay now feels horribly clunky. An example of this poor design is the addition of eight wrestlers in a match, which on the surface appears to be a good move. However, maybe only add this feature if the game can handle it. Boy does this piece of shit struggle to cope with eight different wrestlers doing eight different things at the same time. Whether it's the shocking performance drop or the countless fucking bugs it's clear to see that this added feature like all the rest needs a ton of refining.

If you don't fancy yourself some clunky action then you can always partake in some other bullshit systems the developers have kindly included to ruin the experience. The submission system that was imported over from the last game for whatever reason is fucking awful, the stamina systems seems completely pointless, and the counter system is now a case of luck instead of skill. If you don't fancy throwing your controller at the screen after playing through this infuriating and tedious shit you can just go back to the age old button mashing system that turns this once enjoyable experience into a rage inducing shitshow. Oh yeah, there's glitches as well. A shit ton of glitches laced throughout the entire game. Sometime these glitches are hilarious. Most of the time they really start to get on your tits. Please just sort this fucking game out 2K.

I do understand this franchise is annually released, so expecting a complete redesign of everything in a year is merely wishful thinking. I'm also not going to have a go at the publishers for overhyping new features that appeared to be a huge leap forward, as that's essentially their job. However what I will complain about is the lack of passion and care put into this franchise. What was once every child's wet dream has turned into a boarded up house where the gaping holes are too fucked for any improvement to get anywhere near fixing the overlying issues. The truth is this franchise has been suffering from gross mismanagement for years, with any revamp becoming more tedious than the next. The new redesign this year that everyone seems to be banging on about is the graphical improvements, which to my eyes are non existent. Maybe 2K have become masters at repackaging the same old shit, or maybe every reviewer in the world is blinded by poor eyesight or monetary incentives, but it still looks like the shit you might expect from the previous generation of consoles. In fact I'm going to make a bold statement and say the wrestlers looked nicer in the 'Smackdown vs Raw' days of old. Seriously, a quick look at the hair of your character in career mode is enough to make you doubt this was made with anything other than Microsoft Flash.

Fucking hell. That dramatic difference in graphical quality surely makes up for the endless pit of failings this game has.

That's not to say everything this game does is terrible. The creation suite is absolutely brilliant, as it usually is with wrestling games. It's always been a centerpiece of this franchise, and once again it shines in this edition when your options aren't limited by those fucking loot crates. I imagine the creative elements to be the game's biggest draw. Cocking about with your mates with some ridiculous characters you've created is probably the way to force yourself to play through a single match. Of course creation is also the draw with just about every other wrestling game, so why not play them instead? I also enjoyed the Universe mode in this game, perhaps more than some, but then I do enjoy meticulously micromanaging virtual worlds. I felt the customisation open to me here was acceptable, although not mindblowing, and that did lead to the format becoming stale after a few long playthroughs. This isn't helped by those fucking loading screens, and the frustratingly long and dull ways the game forces you to customise stuff, but on the whole this features was the sole draw for me.

A quick look at these creations shows just how amazing the creation facilities in this game are.

I must admit that I don't watch wrestling anymore, so could be forgiven for being a bit out of touch with the modern trends. I do however love wrestling games, so imagine my disappointment when I found this to be the finished product after a year of hard work. For wrestling games to work they need to capture that spark that gives you the same feelings of exhilaration as when you first saw a wrestling match. This installment however fails to get anywhere near this idyllic spark. It's yet more of the same mistakes without any real interesting new features to keep me playing. And that's apparently all fine. The reviewers aren't going crazy for the title, but they're acting as if nothing is wrong, as is the fanbase, as are the developers. This once beloved franchise is becoming a festering sore that really needs to fuck off and discover why people love wrestling. I can assure you that faux attempts at realism and roleplaying aren't the ways to go about this. Honestly the way the quality of these games has dropped with every year is just shocking, and this is fucking 2K games we're talking about. Get your shit together.

Overall: A generous 4/10