Morons of the Internet: Rebecca Reid

This is the segment where I scour my favourite forums around the internet and find some particularly interesting articles about current affairs told in the words of my favourite human beings.

In this edition we have an extract from Metro, which for those that don't know is a shite paper aimed at providing terrible stories for morons who want to feel like commuters. It's of no surprise then that writers such as Rebecca Reid have no problem getting stupid articles published, such as how Father's Day tells us so much about toxic masculinity. Do prepare yourselves for one terrible argument that only seems to serves as peddling a narrative.
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https://metro.co.uk/2018/06/15/fathers-day-tell-us-toxic-masculinity-7633889/
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Jesus Christ you must be a depressing person to live with. I'd hate to have the attitude that if I didn't like something then nobody else can, but I think I grew out of that mindset when I was about seven. I hate to break it to you but Father's Day isn't about you, which must come as a shock to such a self centered bitch. It doesn't matter if you don't like a carvery, and would rather go somewhere else to whinge, because it's a celebration for your father, who may well enjoy food that you don't rate. That doesn't give you an excuse to demonise this event you self centered cow. I'm sure your father had to endure the disappointing eating choices you made when you were a kid because he loved you, so show some fucking respect and please him for once. You can at least try and please people with your attitude, as you're clearly never going to please anyone writing this sort of shit.

I want to find out in what universe the themes of beer, slippers, and car accessories are seen as depressing. Add in strong pornography and you have my ideal weekend. Lots of dads like drinking beer, and lots of dads like relaxing with their feet up, and lots of dads like accessories for their cars. Where's the issue here? I could understand your complaint if this event promoted infanticide and child molestation, but it's promoting drinking and relaxing. It's almost as if the event is some sort of holiday. The bigger question is why you would think any of these gifts define the behaviour of fathers across the country, but I guess we're about to find that out.

It's now become an assumption that buying a stereotypical and tacky gift for someone alters their personality for the worse, which is amazing considering you have no evidence that these gifts have anything to do with toxic masculinity. You'll find most souvenirs follow stereotypical trends, so how about we quit this thinly veiled crusade against men. And whilst we're at it let's stop equating presents with behaviour, especially when the presents in question are just cheap tat. I just don't understand how you can make these huge assumptions with such little observation and critical thinking. Buying your father a humorous card doesn't mean you're denying him the right to show emotion, or preventing him from becoming anything other than stereotypically masculine. These are completely separate issues.

I have a radical theory, and this might be hard to follow for some, that these gifts are marketed in this fashion because that's what the majority of middle aged dads want. I'm sorry you haven't been able to find a Father's Day themed butt plug for your dad, but no sensible person is ever going to want to gift one of them. It's just basic supply and demand economics, and apparently that's enough to be called toxic. Of course qualifying this vague buzzword isn't needed to improve the quality of the argument, and just the mere sight of this overused term is enough to instantly convince anyone of the horrors found on Father's Day. Not doing a great job at attempting to be taken seriously are we love?

Thanks for the info that some dads are different from each other. I would have never been able to work that one out without such insightful journalism. I'm not quite sure why you're still claiming these stereotypes are negative traits when you've provided zero evidence to back your arguments up. In all honesty who's going to buy a card for their parents ripping the shit out of them? Well, me probably, but I doubt the card industry would stay afloat if it relied on lazy insults.

I honestly just can't be assed with these ridiculous conclusions anymore. You shouldn't need me to point out that this is a fucking stupid argument of the lowest quality. I will draw attention to the comment that lazy gifts on Father's Day apparently contribute to the male mental health crisis in the West. Now fuck me that is one huge conclusion, which may I add is backed up once again with zero evidence. Funnily enough this weak point doesn't hold up against basic scrutiny, considering the majority of suicide victims suffering from mental health issues are young men, which as you've previously pointed out is not the target market of these stereotypical presents. It's almost as if these two points are completely unconnected, and being as you can't even point out a correlation I think we can chuck this absurd claim in the bin with all your other shit articles.

A quick shout out the box on toxic masculinity, that's written as if the reader is a fucking vegetable, which as this is a Metro article is probably a fair assumption. I don't think I've been patronised like that in a long time, so congratulations on reaching new lows in journalism. It must be said that the description of such a horrid subject does sound rather tame when compared to the appalling traits displayed by this idiotic writer. I'd much rather associate myself with toxic, masculine men than self centered and ignorant whales.

Oh fuck off with these gifts. Have you got anything else to talk about? You're not going to convince me that toxic masculinity is rife in the male population by talking about cheap presents. This is honestly the quality of argument I would expect from a primary school student, not a paid journalist. I'm not quite sure who's the saddest in this scenario. Is it the people that buy shit presents for their dad? Is it the journalist repetitively whining over these insignificant items? Or maybe it's the reader when they've finished reading this pile of manure. I also love the logic that dads shouldn't be reduced to harmful stereotypical behaviour such as binge drinking, so a better solution is to take them out for a pint of beer. Why joke about serious addictions when you can physically contribute to them? Remember, being a dad doesn't define your personality, apart from when you're given a stereotypical gift and then I'll happily define you based on your toxic masculinity.

You would think that a self proclaimed feminist would therefore shun Mother's Day in the spirit of gender equality, as we can easily apply the same arguments in this article to that similar celebration. But no, and in fact this writer wrote an article earlier this year moaning at the pathetic contributions made towards this sacred day, with a noticeable emphasis on men. What a hypocritical bitch. Why the fuck would I ever want advice from this imbecile? I'm sorry love but I think I'll leave my relationship with my dad as it is. Your shit argument is never going to convince anyone that this is credible advice. I still haven't found out what Father's Day tells us about toxic masculinity, but at least I've been given a primary school level lecture about relationships. Thank fucking God Metro is free.