Top 10 Worst Movies Of All Time

Cinema is sometimes a great experience, but in most cases it really isn't. The following is a list of ten utterly dreadful films that some people actually enjoy watching. Here are a few honorable mentions:

Hitch (2005): I remember watching this in GCSE English and feeling the need to jump out the window. Shallow, predictable and cringeworthingly unfunny.
Batman & Robin (1997): Never try and make a superhero film comedic, the only one that ever worked was the original Batman, and it had a stupidly high budget.
Mission: Impossible (1996): Why did people watch it if the mission is impossible? Surely the film should be called 'Mission: Quite Difficult But Still Possible', and I'm forced to listen to a crappy U2 song as well.
Anything that has rom-com in the description: They're all as bad as each other and make me want to strangle every member of the cast.
Any High School Musical: Speaking of cast strangling this group of imbeciles makes me doubt the human race as a whole. But it's a Disney product so they don't really get much choice, that's why it isn't on the list.

#10 Pearl Harbor (2001)

I always thought this film looked quite good until I was told otherwise and having subsequently watched it I will definitely agree, this is awful and an insult to the historical epic. If this was a 30 minute TV show I would complain of boredom as after one good scene it ends up becoming some of the worst screenplay I have ever seen in a film. The actual Pearl Harbor sequence is very entertaining with aesthetically pleasing special effects and at least half decent acting but then the film descends into a poorly written love triangle that only seems to occur during the sunset in slow motion and containing such terrible lines that refer to Central London as "Downtown London".

Being a logical human being I thought this film would actually be about Pearl Harbor, it was for a bit, but it then decides to drag on for another pointless hour toying with the viewer about will the Americans get revenge when you already know they do because they won the fucking war. I would also expect Michael Bay to read at least a page of a history book before making this, as suddenly fighter pilots become bombing pilots, very different things, 2 minutes of Flight Simulator will teach you that. He also painted the planes the wrong color because it would differentiate the two sides, defeating the thing that makes a war movie great, the lack of a good and bad side so the viewer is left to draw their own conclusions. The film is only saved by the actual Pearl Harbor sequence and that is mainly a missed opportunity due to the constrictions of a PG rating and also seems to be a cash in on what was a national tragedy.

#9 Avatar (2009)

A film that has received widespread praise for its creativity, obviously by people who had never seen Dances With Wolves, or maybe more than five films. The fact is the film is just a carbon copy of many generic films, especially Dances With Wolves, but instead of Native Americans we get annoying blue things that I couldn't give a shit about. Oh you're about to be killed. Tough shit, I don't care and why should I? The attractive visuals seem to cover over the fact that this is a pointless film that focuses on this Brokeback Mountain style romance that seems to be the central focus of the film unlike other important questions like what is Unobtanium? which incidentally sounds like humor for a four year old child. The irony is they did obtain it, real intellectual joke. Any other well constructed sci-fi would answer these questions yet this one is considered somehow groundbreaking.

The effects are used nicely for a few details but let's face it Star Wars created a lot better galaxy with fewer effects than this nice looking but empty planet that must have a total of 5 animals on it and even George Lucas knows that Alien species do not speak English, but humans do, in a galaxy far far away. Apparently I am supposed to care about the final battle but predictably I'm not when it is obviously going to be won by the side that is about 800 years more advanced than the other, no matter how many advantages Cameron gives to the natives. I also don't see any message in the film, it tries to preach peace but it's hard to convey when the only entertaining parts of the film are the battle sequences. This film is definitely a case of style over substance and for a film that is meant to be so groundbreaking it seems to just copy its plot from another 100 generic films.

#8 Romeo & Juliet (1996)

I swear GCSE English only consisted of watching terrible films, and this is another one that comes to mind. This film aims to make a modern day version of Romeo & Juliet by setting it in modern times but they still speak like they're from 1600 which doesn't work on any level, I appreciate what they're trying to do but it just doesn't make sense. This means you have no idea what the characters are saying and the acting is so wooden and cringe worthy that you can't work out what's happening, all I got from the film was Romeo is a massive twat who treats women like objects and outrageously cockblocks anyone who he sees as a potential threat because he thinks the world revolves around him and when things don't go his way he starts sulking. Prick.

The rest of the cast is also just a group of irritating twats that makes any of their deaths seem like a significant moral victory that needs celebrating. The love story is also stomach churning and looks like something out of Big Brother as Romeo, being the massive twat that I would enjoy murdering, and Juliet, who seems to be played by a wardrobe, except wardrobes can act better. Why they were ever chosen to play Shakespearean roles I will never know as they just seem to mumble or shout the lines for no apparent reason having seemingly not understood the play. It's like watching High School Musical do Shakespeare.

#7 Billy Elliot (2000)

This film is a little confused about what it actually is, on one hand it is a heart warming tale about a boy discovering his passion, whilst on the other side it is a mature drama about 1980s British society. It is so busy trying to please both sides that in the end it just becomes a horrible cliche. The film tries to include a serious back story of his family being involved in the miner's strike which adds absolutely nothing to the film and just seems to be there as a placeholder. It may as well have been set during the American Revolution, it wouldn't of made any difference. It's meant to be a feel good film, but on a cold hearted person like me that just doesn't work. I just find that Billy Elliot is an annoying little twat, a twat that is good at ballet, it just doesn't make for an interesting story.  Jimmy from Hull  learnt to play the recorder, you don't see anyone else making a film about that, they don't because it would be shit. That is this films problem, you can do anything to shit, but at the end of the day it is still shit, and this film was doomed to begin with.

I could of put this film higher but there are some genuinely nice moments and there is a bit of comedy in their as well which means the experience doesn't get too boring, nowhere near as bad as the next candidates. This film is just out of place and really doesn't need that R rating, it doesn't really help.

#6 Catwoman (2004)

Because I am a person of logic I expected this film to actually be about Catwoman, only to be shocked to find out that it is about a person pretending to be Catwoman. Thats just the start, this film is everything a superhero movie should not be, terrible acting, abysmal special effects and lines that where apparently taken from a four year old. I now have to have the world record for the amount of times someone can say oh no in the space of two hours as I watch a respectable comic book villain butchered by one of the worst scripts of all time.

I'm not really aware what the actual story is as it seems to switch from one to another without ever warning you, not that I really care about that as when I look at Catwoman I do get slightly aroused. However, she seems to have experienced budget cuts and as a result looks like a stray. They may as well have put Darth Vader in the costume as the level of acting would be about the same, except Darth Vader has a presence, at no point in the film did I say to myself here comes Catwoman, business is about to pick up. I just ended up getting bored and working on my Penguin laugh, which is coming on nicely, thanks for asking.

#5 Disaster Movie (2008)

This is the lowest ranked film on IMDB for a reason. I can still remember being vaguely psyched for this film due to some reasonably funny trailers, of course when I did see it I almost cried tears of suffering. I'm not sure who the target audience are meant to be, it must be every three year old as some of the jokes are so immature and basic that anyone over that age would just die a little inside, this film really is like watching a kids TV programme. But then it cuts to some lewd joke far too mature for a younger audience, which means it must have been made for brain dead morons. It just seems a pointless film with no storyline or memorable characters and every scene seems to be spontaneous and irrelevant, there is the occasional scene that my penis approves of but that's a bit awkward when you're in a cinema trying to conceal a boner.

I do hate to admit that the immature mind in me did find some scenes funny but then of course I resorted to putting my hand back where it should be, that's my forehead. To be honest I guess I should've known this would be terrible, I mean it even says it in the name, but it's still an insult to the film industry which does occasionally churn out great films.

#4 One Direction: This Is Us (2013)

Come on, what did you expect, 5 talentless twats being dicks, it was always going to be shit. To my surprise it wasn't actually as shit as I thought it was going to be. That's my only compliment and I suppose it's like saying "oh dying of Cholera wasn't as badder experience as I expected". I definitely thought this was surely going to be number one but it never actually got quite that bad. Sure, it was boring, I mean I've already had to endure the clips they were showing from the endless barrage on Twitter and so this so called documentary was just recycled clips that were actually rather dull. This of course was then disrupted by team twat doing something incredibly annoying that I'm sure there misguided fan base would call 'cute'. Predictably these girls are the same girls that call boys immature, but when One Direction do it then no, it isn't being immature then. No wonder sexism still exists. Only got yourselves to blame.

Leaving my hatred of One Direction aside this is a terrible documentary. More of a commercial, although  apparently it is legal to commercialize shit as this movie proves. Interesting fact. It's also a terrible commercial, it's quite hard to take the product seriously when one shot is member Louis Tomlinson playing a guitar, but he's forgotten to plug it in. I don't think The Beatles ever had that trouble. This leaves me confused as I don't know what this film is. It doesn't contain any facts to be a documentary and it doesn't seem to be a very good commercial, unless they're advertising brain dead monkeys trying to string a few chords together and occasionally throwing shit against a wall whilst selling out to every brand possible and running out of material so just copying other people's work and getting the credit for it. They've advertised that well.

#3 Twilight (2008)

You could pick any of the series, they're all equally bad and have about the combined depth of Holland. This supposed love story just makes me vomit every time I even think about it as a girl with the facial expressions of an ironing board is attracted to a vampire so obsessed with her he deserves to have a restraining order. Of course girls love the thought of having their blood removed by a stranger who she's just met and can somehow survive in the daylight when everybody knows that a vampire cannot survive in direct sunlight. *Face palm*

Or she could go with a werewolf, a pretty pathetic one at that, it just looks like an average wolf. This of course is another smart move as every werewolf has the blood of the beast and so becomes a blood lusting killing machine every full moon, but this one takes his shirt off every three seconds. Where's Sherlock Holmes when you need him, oh in a better film that's where. Seriously though, even Edward saying he wants to suck her blood doesn't turn her off and she's sexually attracted to a man over 100 when she is 16, what the fuck is wrong with her, has she never seen a programme called the news. I wouldn't be surprised if Edward showed up around her house in a Ford Transit van.

This is just the epitome of shit. Even after you get through the list of plot holes you have to listen to the endless breathing, sighing and terrible acting of Bella who may as well have been played by a sack of potatoes. This is an insult to Dracula, and every film ever made, except for maybe the next two.

#2 Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2011)

Next time please just say never. This film is actually in 3D, because if seeing a twat makes you doubt mankind in 2D wasn't enough you can see him do it in an extra dimension, or you could be sensible and not see him in the first place. This is again effectively another commercial bragging about Justin's so called achievements, saying you haven't made it until you've sold out MSG. A band called Dispatch managed it, household names, yep that is real difficult to do. It seemingly wasn't enough torture to listen to just this twat auto tuning but now we have to listen to his fans saying how great he is. I mean it's not as if they're going to be normal and say he's shit, and all these segments do is long for the days of labor camps where they belong.

The rest is just the usual Justin thinking about himself, being an arrogant twat, meeting twats and pretending to be a normal person and looking like a twat. One scene is him trying to learn chemistry with three identical books, yep that will work. It also occurred to me at this stage that there isn't a person I would rather see being run over by a steamroller. This film is just a fucking joke and is a great advert for genocide. The plot seems to be himself, himself, himself and himself. Justin, seriously, fuck off.

#1 Titanic (1997)

Oh this might generate some hate, but let's face it the thing that buries this film is how overrated it is. The first thing I hate is the Assassin's Creed style narrative which predictably flops as nobody cares about the modern interpretation and then the actual historical story is flawed by the fact it culminates by teasing whether or not Rose will die when you know she doesn't as she is telling the story. Three and a quarter hours for that, I could of watched 2001: A Space Odyssey for less time and got an absolutely breathtaking story. The plot consists around stereotypical rich people who keep comparing themselves to slaves, have nothing interesting to say and have no other character traits which inevitably becomes very boring and tedious. This isn't helped by grade A twat Jack Dawson who is up to his usual cock blocking displayed in Romeo & Juliet. Seriously though, "I'm the king of the world". No you're not, you're just a prick. Fuck off.

Another thing that annoys me is the disregard for history. Again, sorry for me being sensible but any other logical person would expect this film to be about the Titanic, but the Titanic is just merely a backdrop to a vomit inducing love story that frustrates me so much I end up celebrating when Jack eventually dies, which is three hours too late. Cameron may as well have put the cast of Twilight on the Challenger shuttle, that actually might have made a more interesting story as rockets are cooler than boats. The effects are also really bad, especially for the monumental budget. Seriously though there are much better effects in Jurassic Park from 1993.

That brings me on to its vast collection of accolades. 11 fucking Oscars, I know 1997 was a terrible year for films but Air Force One was a good film, and that is 11 times the film that this is, and it's got Harrison Ford. My point about it being overrated is proved by the AFI's 100 anniversary rankings which claimed Titanic is the 25th best film for thrills above titles such as The Deer Hunter, The Terminator and Jurassic Park. It's funny because I got zero thrills out of Titanic, the dramatic scenes are so badly written they're actually quite comical. It also gave the film the 14th best song of any film, this list doesn't include scores but it doesn't get away from the fact that My Heart Will Go On is one of the worst songs of all time and finished higher than classics such as Hard Days Night, Born To Be Wild and I'm Free, it's a fucking joke. This is the one that hurts though, it is the 83rd best film of all time, above great films such as Platoon, The Sixth Sense and Pulp Fiction. Unbelievable.

This film is an insult to the epic list of films that this is often compared with. True epics like 2001: A Space Odyssey are constructed millions of times better than this for a fraction of the budget. Maybe I shall do some detailed comparisons soon.

Top 10 Films Of All Time

I will admit I am not the biggest movie fan in the world and often films that I watch leave me with a sour taste in my mouth, but we shall leave those for another day. However, these films are an exception that I would happily sit through again and again. This is entirely my opinion so I really don't care about your hate comments. These are a few candidates that just missed the list:

Platoon (1986): A fantastic anti war film that really does showcase the horrors of war, with an exciting plethora of  believable characters including a great performance from Sergeant Foley, however, it certainly isn't the best war film out there.
Ice Age (2002): I probably like this animated film more than I should but it is one of my favorite childhood movies. Not just a childish film but also a sentimental story that runs throughout.
Troll 2 (1990): Okay, maybe I mentioned this just for the 'they're eating her' scene, that deserves an Oscar.
Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981): Highly energetic, highly entertaining and a fantastic score to cap it off, best scene has to be the swordsman in what bears an uncanny resemblance with Star Wars.
The Shining (1980): Here's Johnny! It is also a great horror film, coming from a man who is definitely not a horror film fan. Amazing acting and directing combine to create what is undoubtedly  the best thriller of all time.
Toy Story 3 (2010): I remember crying at what was a perfect ending that completed my childhood. Film also contains probably the best and most unexpected heel turn of all time as well.
The Godfather (1972): Don't get me wrong I love this film. I just prefer others. I can see why people do rank it as the greatest film of all time due to its sheer brilliance but as a film I would personally prefer to sit through others.

#10 Apocalypse Now (1979)

 

I know, I prefer this over The Godfather, but I do believe this is Francis Ford Coppola's best work and I really don't think that any other director would have the tenacity to produce this film. It is also my favorite style of film, open ended, allowing you to draw your own conclusions. The beauty of this film that it takes no side to war, it presents you with the cold hearted facts and it is up to the viewer to decide which side to pick.

The film is one of those that really needs to be watched twice in order to really comprehend the plot. The ending is open to contemplation but the lack of one doesn't really hurt a film that doesn't really need one, it's power lies in the experience and imagery of war that can't really be seen in any other Vietnam based war flick. The film excels rather in the storytelling and creating an amazing and powerful war experience that really will make you question your own morale's.

Favorite Moment: Ride of the Valkyries plays during the helicopter assault
Favorite Quote: "I love the smell of napalm in the morning". - Kilgore

#9 Last Of The Mohicans (1992)

I don't usually like historical epics, they always seem to draw too much attention to the actual history behind the story and then subsequently forget about the actual plot. This film however is one of the exceptions, it really is a criminally underrated film that never got the recognition it fully deserves. It really shouldn't be a good film, the actors are definitely not what you'd call a solid cast and the setting is hardly anything special, but resulting is a film that leaves the historical accuracies in the background and actually creates a very enjoyable film with a fantastic ending that definitely doesn't disappoint. 


It certainly is by no means a technical masterpiece, but it is a pleasant viewing experience with a thick line drawn between the good guys and the bad guys in a more traditional style. There is a romantic side story creeping in but I don't really pay much attention to that, especially when the visuals and sound are so well coordinated and the musical score, which is probably the best of any film ever and that really is saying something, especially with some of the music coming up. It is in short a great and enjoyable film that you can watch over and over again without getting bored.

Favorite Moment: Definitely the ending, with a fantastic score from Hans Zimmer.
Favorite Quote: "Death and honor are thought to be the same, but today I have learned that sometimes they are not". - Colonel Munro

 #8 Predator (1987)

Wow, this one has everyone. Schwarzenegger, Joseph Kony look alike Carl Weathers and Jesse 'The Body' Ventura and some fucking awesome extra terrestrial life, it's just a bucket full of testosterone, violence and sheer awesomeness. Sure there is no solid plot, but what do you expect from a film that looks like this, what this film does best is just being awesome. The constant thrills and occasional scares leave you on the edge of your seat throughout.

While this definitely isn't a technical masterpiece it is a full blooded action thriller with a ridiculously fast pace and very attractive special effects all coming together to produce one hell of a film. It's a film that seems to bypass logic and just like the Batman series, nobody seems to care.

Favorite Moment: Jesse Ventura's death scene
Favorite Quote: "If it bleeds, we can kill it". - Dutch

#7 Full Metal Jacket (1987)

The best war film of all time, even if it does start to tire towards the end, however the first half of this film is probably the best start to any film ever. The drill instructor scenes are so brilliant and hilarious and never get any worse for repeat viewings. It is definitely the most striking of the two halves as the film does start to run out of steam towards the second half with just too many generic war scenes to really be as engaging as the first half.

I am a huge fan of Stanley Kubrick and this film shares a lot in common with his earlier anti war film Dr Strangelove including political irony and wit in its presentation of war. Kubrick is the master of atmosphere and this film really feels like you are with the marines every step of the way as you watch their descent into madness. To someone who has never been to war this seems as realistic as it is ever going to get.

Favorite Moment: The entirety of the first half during boot camp.

Favorite Quote: "5 foot 9, I didn't know they stacked shit that high".- Hartman

#6 Jurassic Park (1993)

Usually films that gross a lot don't really deserve it, take Avatar and Titanic as an example, but this film does. The film is the second highest grossing film of the 20th century but never really gets the artistic merit it deserves. Spielberg is the master of technology and, like we saw with Jaws, this film contains special effects and advanced technology that had never been seen on the big screen before with frighteningly realistic dinosaur animatronics and the widely use crisp visuals of CGI that had never really been used to this scale before. The audience truly does become as surprised as the characters the first time they see a dinosaur as they do look amazing.

The film also has a rather overlooked story that often lies forgotten between all the fancy dinosaurs, which is a shame as the story highlights the flaws with human kind and dangers of key issues like genetic modification and the sense of who the real antagonists of the film are, the dinosaurs or the humans. Sure the characters aren't that thrilling but they don't really hinder what is generally a great film to watch whether you're 7 or 70. Definitely the best dinosaur movie ever made, and dinosaurs are awesome.

Favorite Moment: How can it not be the toilet scene
Favorite Quote: "T-Rex doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt". - Dr. Grant

#5 Aliens (1986)

Film sequels are usually never a good idea, they never really live up to the hype they generate and are usually a lot worse than their predecessor. Only a few films have ever really created a successful sequel and this is one of them. I hate James Cameron, no I really hate James Cameron as he made me sit through three and a quarter hours of crap for the most predictable climax of all time. This however is far from Titanic, this film is a perfect blend of horror, action and sci-fi creating suspenseful moments, adrenaline pumping scenes and a fantastic cast of characters.

Like Predator this film travels at 100 mph and never really stops with wave upon wave of alien attacks. What the series also does well is really ask the question 'who is really with us?' and there is always an unpredictable sense of whether the characters have been affected by the xenomorphs yet and this is supported by the appearance of a little girl who has survived on the alien planet. Oh and this movie has xenomorphs, case closed.

Favorite Moment: When you first see the alien queen, she is massive.
Favorite Quote: "Get away from her you bitch". - Ripley

#4 Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

The only film I have ever been to that got a standing ovation, and that is saying something. I love this film mainly due to the dark plot that is very rarely seen in any film yet alone a PG. I just love the fact that the plot from the fourth film has been taken and flipped on its head to produce what is, if anything, an emotional chapter in the Star Wars saga. The film also sets up the sixth film perfectly with almost a lack of an ending and a brilliant final shot which surely meant the final film of the trilogy would be brilliant, unless of course when it inevitably wasn't.

The film just contains so many memorable scenes that are iconic in modern cinema. From the incest to Darth Vader claiming Luke Skywalker was his son, which made me crap myself with excitement on first viewing, this film has it all. If the first film was Lucas showcasing his ability with technology then this film was Lucas showcasing his ability to convey a story creating one of the best sci-fi films of all time that blends a serious storyline and harmless fun in a perfect way. A movie that seemingly gets better with age.

Favorite Moment: Luke claims the armor of the AT-AT is too strong for blasters and then subsequently destroys one with his blasters a few minutes later.
Favorite Quote: "Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1".-C3P0

#3 Gladiator (2000)

The historical epic had been tortured at this point in time, capped off with the shitstorm that was Titanic, but this film reignited the spark that once shone brightly. The film is brilliant from start to finish with fantastic battle scenes, a touching story and gladiatorial scenes that ask you "Are you not entertained?". The battle scenes are definitely not for the faint hearted but really pay tribute to earlier swords and sandal style films such as Spartacus.

The story is simple yet very effective and is coupled with a beautiful score that really gives the film a emotional backdrop behind all the blood and gore of the gladiatorial scenes. Although the film does contain some brilliant acting it is Crowe that really carries this film with his sense of emotion and speeches that provide a memorable episode for a fantastic actor. It is one of the most exciting films of all time and does what many films fail to do, in feeling epic

Favorite Moment: When revealing himself to the emperor, absolutely epic speech.
Favorite Quote: "What we do in life echoes in eternity". - Maximus



#2 Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)

First of all that is quite simply the greatest poster for any film ever and would kick off what is without doubt the most iconic film series of all time. I personally prefer this installment to the fifth as this film has much better pacing and covers more key events in the Star Wars timeline, it might be a little predictable but the story is great and conveys the Rebel Alliance as a true underdog and makes the ending feel that much better. It truly is a plot that anyone can access and the special effects are used to perfection to create the illusion that you are actually there in a setting in which Lucas uses special effects and a dynamic cast to create a vast galaxy that just continually grows from episode to episode. It is just a simply brilliant film but lacks in depth which is why it isn't number one.

Favorite Moment: The binary sunset scene still gives me goosebumps to this day.
Favorite Quote: there are countless great quotes but my favorite is probably "Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid". - Han Solo

#1 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

It really couldn't be anything else, this is cinematic perfection. The story is a simple concept but allows the film to delve into a deep and complex plot that relies more on the actual visuals and story itself rather than the actual characters, this film feels like an adventure rather than recent popularity shams in which items seemingly blow up for no reason, in this film everything is well thought out and executed to perfection. The film relies on minimalism to create a huge impact meaning simple scenes can be considered epic. It is amazing that with as little dialogue Kubrick can create extraordinary characters such as the computer HAL who is my personal favorite character that the genius of Kubrick manages to portray as the antagonist despite the fact that the character is a lifeless computer.

The plot tackles many key elements such as evolution, artificial intelligence, extra terrestrial life and the dangers of technology that climaxes in one of the most breathtaking sequences in the history of cinema, it really does need at least a third run through to truly comprehend what you have just seen, the plot and iconic score merge together in an almost seamless transition It is a film like no other in sense of depth, perspective or narrative, every sequence of this film is so cleverly thought out and presented in a revolutionary way.

The film is an example to the rest of Hollywood on how to couple all aspects of cinema together and how to perfectly pace a storyline. The film succeeds in what many modern films fail to do, in making you think as the ending requires you to analyze your own perception of the film and come to a conclusion. The film is without a doubt a sheer masterpiece that I don't think will ever be beaten.

Favorite Moment: There are many to choose from but the ending is just so brilliantly thought through and executed.
Favorite Quote: "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that". -HAL 900

Music Review: Skyscraper

Skyscraper - Sam Bailey

Hmm, It seems Demi Lovato is now being spelt Sam Bailey. Oh no wait it's my pet hate in music of stealing other people's songs caused by just a sheer lack of creativity thanks to the X Factor being a commercial whore and packaging artists way too soon and relying on just their voice to make a good song. Unfortunatley this usually works as the public are like mindless husks just because she was on TV and then consequently forgotten in five years by her 'devoted' fans. Fortunately for you Christoforge isn't a moron and therefore can see through what is essentially a popularity sham and shed some light on Britain's christmas number one single.

I will start by mentioning that the proceeds, well I say that but I bet it's about 1p, of this song go to Great Ormond Street Hospital which you may think is nice. Of course you've just fallen into commercial trap number one which is guilt. This system is effectively blackmail as it says to the public "buy this song or this kid dies". You could say that last point was harsh, but sometimes the truth hurts. I just wished they had given a load of money to charity and not released this song.

They may have won over morons that easily but they picked a bad song to cover as it was only released two years ago and therefore still fresh in the mind of even the public meaning most will prefer the original version. I will say I don't particularly like the original as it sounds like Demi Lovato is trapped in a cold shower as she appears to shiver whilst singing the majority of the song. She also looks like she's in a yoghurt commercial and seems to sing two octaves too high throughout giving it that Mariah Carey feel, which is that feel when your hands are over your ears. Just because you can go that high doesn't mean you should.

Moving on to the actual song and I must say I am rather disappointed, although not surprised. What I thought would turn out to be a decent ballad is actually rather dull. The piano player must have Alzheimer's as they play the same segment over and over again until it just becomes quite boring. Sure it's sung well, very well in fact, better than the original, but as I have said many times before, the voice is only one element to a song and in order for something to be a good song it needs to have a good compilation of all the components needed to make a good song. I wouldn't complain about the lack of instruments if it fitted the genre, but this is a song about staying strong, almost a power ballad and so there is a much greater call for greater variation.

Let's analyse the lyrics:

Skies are crying, I am watching
Catching tear drops in my hands
Only silence as it's ending
Like we never had a chance
Do you have to make me feel like
There's nothing left of me?

Okay, nothing really of note hear, she's obviously feeling pretty down about a previous lover and predictably it's always their fault.

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

Oh no, I hate it when you break paper. I mean usually you'd tear it but this paper, no this sheet is broken. Poor metaphor. Then it seems to appear that they think skyscrapers are usually made of paper as this one is torn. Writers seemingly not understanding verbs, which is a worrying sign. The metaphor also falls apart in the fact that skyscrapers rise from the ground very slowly. It isn't really a positive that you will pick yourself up after a few years after millions of pounds have been poured into you.

As the smoke clears, I awaken
And untangle you from me
Would it make you feel better
To watch me while I bleed?
All my windows still are broken
But I'm standing on my feet

[Chorus:]

It seems even after he made her cry, she still returns to him. I don't have sympathy for anyone who doesn't learn their lesson. No idea if windows is a euphemism as skyscrapers do have windows but not feet. Sam Bailey has feet but not windows, surely you stick to the bloody metaphor.

Go run, run, run
I'm gonna stay right here,
Watch you disappear
Yeah, oh
Go run, run, run
Yeah, it's a long way down
But I am closer to the clouds up here

[Chorus:]

Now she wants him to leave, typical woman, always changing her mind. If you don't like being treated like shit then why the hell would you treat him like shit. Maybe there is more to this than we originally thought and Sam Bailey isn't as innocent as we thought. I don't know if the clouds are referring to cloud nine or referring to the fact that she is close to death, there isn't really a way of telling, but I'm failing to see this 'inspiration' that this song has been noted for.

Now let's see what other people thought of it, Sam W commented on Amazon:

"This woman is awful. She looks herendouz with really bad gappy teeth. She will get nowhere and will be nowhere all year around just like the others! Only one winner has ever came out of the fix factor and that was Rylan. Bad like all the others!" 

Well Sam, I don't know what appearance has got to do with the actual song which you are meant to be reviewing, but I doubt many people are going to be masturbating to this. To be honest I'd rather have the competition fixed than what the public votes for as I've seen what trends on Twitter and I really don't want that. Rylan is such a winner that he switched careers and now appears in television. Yep, in her opinion he's a winner, not Olly Murs with a measly 600,000 album sales, no Rylan, with zero.

An Avid Reader went on to Amazon to say:

"Right from the very start my husband and I knew Sam Bailey should be the winner. I would put her up against Celine Dion any day, especially when we know that she mimed quite alot of her Vegas shows. My husband has been a singer for many years and used to teach singing lessons. He said he could not believe that all those high notes were full voice and not head voice. Her vocal range and power is amazing! As other comments, please X Factor, do not let Sam just fade away like so many others. These people audition in there thousands. They are supposed to be the best we can find, but most are just allowed to fall by the wayside never to be heard of again. I will be downloading her album when it is released. Again X Factor, don't leave it so long before releasing her album. That is why so many are just forgotten, never to be heard of again." 

Blimey I agree with her for most of this until the part she suggests rushing the album. If anything the album should be delayed so some actual good songs can be put on it, she has the potential and I'm sure she doesn't need to copy other people. The reason many X Factor contestants are forgotten is due to the lack of personality, which the judges seem to skip over. Although that doesn't really come as much of a surprise as they have the collected charisma of a wardrobe.

Overall then this really isn't the song it's been billed as, but then what do you expect from a rushed single that just copies another person. Surely somebody might think they could possibly win the X Factor and then write a song that isn't rushed and not copied to be released in time for Christmas because at the moment we are getting this crap every year.

Final Rating: 3/10