Top 10 Worst Movies Of All Time

Cinema is sometimes a great experience, but in most cases it really isn't. The following is a list of ten utterly dreadful films that some people actually enjoy watching. Here are a few honorable mentions:

Hitch (2005): I remember watching this in GCSE English and feeling the need to jump out the window. Shallow, predictable and cringeworthingly unfunny.
Batman & Robin (1997): Never try and make a superhero film comedic, the only one that ever worked was the original Batman, and it had a stupidly high budget.
Mission: Impossible (1996): Why did people watch it if the mission is impossible? Surely the film should be called 'Mission: Quite Difficult But Still Possible', and I'm forced to listen to a crappy U2 song as well.
Anything that has rom-com in the description: They're all as bad as each other and make me want to strangle every member of the cast.
Any High School Musical: Speaking of cast strangling this group of imbeciles makes me doubt the human race as a whole. But it's a Disney product so they don't really get much choice, that's why it isn't on the list.

#10 Pearl Harbor (2001)

I always thought this film looked quite good until I was told otherwise and having subsequently watched it I will definitely agree, this is awful and an insult to the historical epic. If this was a 30 minute TV show I would complain of boredom as after one good scene it ends up becoming some of the worst screenplay I have ever seen in a film. The actual Pearl Harbor sequence is very entertaining with aesthetically pleasing special effects and at least half decent acting but then the film descends into a poorly written love triangle that only seems to occur during the sunset in slow motion and containing such terrible lines that refer to Central London as "Downtown London".

Being a logical human being I thought this film would actually be about Pearl Harbor, it was for a bit, but it then decides to drag on for another pointless hour toying with the viewer about will the Americans get revenge when you already know they do because they won the fucking war. I would also expect Michael Bay to read at least a page of a history book before making this, as suddenly fighter pilots become bombing pilots, very different things, 2 minutes of Flight Simulator will teach you that. He also painted the planes the wrong color because it would differentiate the two sides, defeating the thing that makes a war movie great, the lack of a good and bad side so the viewer is left to draw their own conclusions. The film is only saved by the actual Pearl Harbor sequence and that is mainly a missed opportunity due to the constrictions of a PG rating and also seems to be a cash in on what was a national tragedy.

#9 Avatar (2009)

A film that has received widespread praise for its creativity, obviously by people who had never seen Dances With Wolves, or maybe more than five films. The fact is the film is just a carbon copy of many generic films, especially Dances With Wolves, but instead of Native Americans we get annoying blue things that I couldn't give a shit about. Oh you're about to be killed. Tough shit, I don't care and why should I? The attractive visuals seem to cover over the fact that this is a pointless film that focuses on this Brokeback Mountain style romance that seems to be the central focus of the film unlike other important questions like what is Unobtanium? which incidentally sounds like humor for a four year old child. The irony is they did obtain it, real intellectual joke. Any other well constructed sci-fi would answer these questions yet this one is considered somehow groundbreaking.

The effects are used nicely for a few details but let's face it Star Wars created a lot better galaxy with fewer effects than this nice looking but empty planet that must have a total of 5 animals on it and even George Lucas knows that Alien species do not speak English, but humans do, in a galaxy far far away. Apparently I am supposed to care about the final battle but predictably I'm not when it is obviously going to be won by the side that is about 800 years more advanced than the other, no matter how many advantages Cameron gives to the natives. I also don't see any message in the film, it tries to preach peace but it's hard to convey when the only entertaining parts of the film are the battle sequences. This film is definitely a case of style over substance and for a film that is meant to be so groundbreaking it seems to just copy its plot from another 100 generic films.

#8 Romeo & Juliet (1996)

I swear GCSE English only consisted of watching terrible films, and this is another one that comes to mind. This film aims to make a modern day version of Romeo & Juliet by setting it in modern times but they still speak like they're from 1600 which doesn't work on any level, I appreciate what they're trying to do but it just doesn't make sense. This means you have no idea what the characters are saying and the acting is so wooden and cringe worthy that you can't work out what's happening, all I got from the film was Romeo is a massive twat who treats women like objects and outrageously cockblocks anyone who he sees as a potential threat because he thinks the world revolves around him and when things don't go his way he starts sulking. Prick.

The rest of the cast is also just a group of irritating twats that makes any of their deaths seem like a significant moral victory that needs celebrating. The love story is also stomach churning and looks like something out of Big Brother as Romeo, being the massive twat that I would enjoy murdering, and Juliet, who seems to be played by a wardrobe, except wardrobes can act better. Why they were ever chosen to play Shakespearean roles I will never know as they just seem to mumble or shout the lines for no apparent reason having seemingly not understood the play. It's like watching High School Musical do Shakespeare.

#7 Billy Elliot (2000)

This film is a little confused about what it actually is, on one hand it is a heart warming tale about a boy discovering his passion, whilst on the other side it is a mature drama about 1980s British society. It is so busy trying to please both sides that in the end it just becomes a horrible cliche. The film tries to include a serious back story of his family being involved in the miner's strike which adds absolutely nothing to the film and just seems to be there as a placeholder. It may as well have been set during the American Revolution, it wouldn't of made any difference. It's meant to be a feel good film, but on a cold hearted person like me that just doesn't work. I just find that Billy Elliot is an annoying little twat, a twat that is good at ballet, it just doesn't make for an interesting story.  Jimmy from Hull  learnt to play the recorder, you don't see anyone else making a film about that, they don't because it would be shit. That is this films problem, you can do anything to shit, but at the end of the day it is still shit, and this film was doomed to begin with.

I could of put this film higher but there are some genuinely nice moments and there is a bit of comedy in their as well which means the experience doesn't get too boring, nowhere near as bad as the next candidates. This film is just out of place and really doesn't need that R rating, it doesn't really help.

#6 Catwoman (2004)

Because I am a person of logic I expected this film to actually be about Catwoman, only to be shocked to find out that it is about a person pretending to be Catwoman. Thats just the start, this film is everything a superhero movie should not be, terrible acting, abysmal special effects and lines that where apparently taken from a four year old. I now have to have the world record for the amount of times someone can say oh no in the space of two hours as I watch a respectable comic book villain butchered by one of the worst scripts of all time.

I'm not really aware what the actual story is as it seems to switch from one to another without ever warning you, not that I really care about that as when I look at Catwoman I do get slightly aroused. However, she seems to have experienced budget cuts and as a result looks like a stray. They may as well have put Darth Vader in the costume as the level of acting would be about the same, except Darth Vader has a presence, at no point in the film did I say to myself here comes Catwoman, business is about to pick up. I just ended up getting bored and working on my Penguin laugh, which is coming on nicely, thanks for asking.

#5 Disaster Movie (2008)

This is the lowest ranked film on IMDB for a reason. I can still remember being vaguely psyched for this film due to some reasonably funny trailers, of course when I did see it I almost cried tears of suffering. I'm not sure who the target audience are meant to be, it must be every three year old as some of the jokes are so immature and basic that anyone over that age would just die a little inside, this film really is like watching a kids TV programme. But then it cuts to some lewd joke far too mature for a younger audience, which means it must have been made for brain dead morons. It just seems a pointless film with no storyline or memorable characters and every scene seems to be spontaneous and irrelevant, there is the occasional scene that my penis approves of but that's a bit awkward when you're in a cinema trying to conceal a boner.

I do hate to admit that the immature mind in me did find some scenes funny but then of course I resorted to putting my hand back where it should be, that's my forehead. To be honest I guess I should've known this would be terrible, I mean it even says it in the name, but it's still an insult to the film industry which does occasionally churn out great films.

#4 One Direction: This Is Us (2013)

Come on, what did you expect, 5 talentless twats being dicks, it was always going to be shit. To my surprise it wasn't actually as shit as I thought it was going to be. That's my only compliment and I suppose it's like saying "oh dying of Cholera wasn't as badder experience as I expected". I definitely thought this was surely going to be number one but it never actually got quite that bad. Sure, it was boring, I mean I've already had to endure the clips they were showing from the endless barrage on Twitter and so this so called documentary was just recycled clips that were actually rather dull. This of course was then disrupted by team twat doing something incredibly annoying that I'm sure there misguided fan base would call 'cute'. Predictably these girls are the same girls that call boys immature, but when One Direction do it then no, it isn't being immature then. No wonder sexism still exists. Only got yourselves to blame.

Leaving my hatred of One Direction aside this is a terrible documentary. More of a commercial, although  apparently it is legal to commercialize shit as this movie proves. Interesting fact. It's also a terrible commercial, it's quite hard to take the product seriously when one shot is member Louis Tomlinson playing a guitar, but he's forgotten to plug it in. I don't think The Beatles ever had that trouble. This leaves me confused as I don't know what this film is. It doesn't contain any facts to be a documentary and it doesn't seem to be a very good commercial, unless they're advertising brain dead monkeys trying to string a few chords together and occasionally throwing shit against a wall whilst selling out to every brand possible and running out of material so just copying other people's work and getting the credit for it. They've advertised that well.

#3 Twilight (2008)

You could pick any of the series, they're all equally bad and have about the combined depth of Holland. This supposed love story just makes me vomit every time I even think about it as a girl with the facial expressions of an ironing board is attracted to a vampire so obsessed with her he deserves to have a restraining order. Of course girls love the thought of having their blood removed by a stranger who she's just met and can somehow survive in the daylight when everybody knows that a vampire cannot survive in direct sunlight. *Face palm*

Or she could go with a werewolf, a pretty pathetic one at that, it just looks like an average wolf. This of course is another smart move as every werewolf has the blood of the beast and so becomes a blood lusting killing machine every full moon, but this one takes his shirt off every three seconds. Where's Sherlock Holmes when you need him, oh in a better film that's where. Seriously though, even Edward saying he wants to suck her blood doesn't turn her off and she's sexually attracted to a man over 100 when she is 16, what the fuck is wrong with her, has she never seen a programme called the news. I wouldn't be surprised if Edward showed up around her house in a Ford Transit van.

This is just the epitome of shit. Even after you get through the list of plot holes you have to listen to the endless breathing, sighing and terrible acting of Bella who may as well have been played by a sack of potatoes. This is an insult to Dracula, and every film ever made, except for maybe the next two.

#2 Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2011)

Next time please just say never. This film is actually in 3D, because if seeing a twat makes you doubt mankind in 2D wasn't enough you can see him do it in an extra dimension, or you could be sensible and not see him in the first place. This is again effectively another commercial bragging about Justin's so called achievements, saying you haven't made it until you've sold out MSG. A band called Dispatch managed it, household names, yep that is real difficult to do. It seemingly wasn't enough torture to listen to just this twat auto tuning but now we have to listen to his fans saying how great he is. I mean it's not as if they're going to be normal and say he's shit, and all these segments do is long for the days of labor camps where they belong.

The rest is just the usual Justin thinking about himself, being an arrogant twat, meeting twats and pretending to be a normal person and looking like a twat. One scene is him trying to learn chemistry with three identical books, yep that will work. It also occurred to me at this stage that there isn't a person I would rather see being run over by a steamroller. This film is just a fucking joke and is a great advert for genocide. The plot seems to be himself, himself, himself and himself. Justin, seriously, fuck off.

#1 Titanic (1997)

Oh this might generate some hate, but let's face it the thing that buries this film is how overrated it is. The first thing I hate is the Assassin's Creed style narrative which predictably flops as nobody cares about the modern interpretation and then the actual historical story is flawed by the fact it culminates by teasing whether or not Rose will die when you know she doesn't as she is telling the story. Three and a quarter hours for that, I could of watched 2001: A Space Odyssey for less time and got an absolutely breathtaking story. The plot consists around stereotypical rich people who keep comparing themselves to slaves, have nothing interesting to say and have no other character traits which inevitably becomes very boring and tedious. This isn't helped by grade A twat Jack Dawson who is up to his usual cock blocking displayed in Romeo & Juliet. Seriously though, "I'm the king of the world". No you're not, you're just a prick. Fuck off.

Another thing that annoys me is the disregard for history. Again, sorry for me being sensible but any other logical person would expect this film to be about the Titanic, but the Titanic is just merely a backdrop to a vomit inducing love story that frustrates me so much I end up celebrating when Jack eventually dies, which is three hours too late. Cameron may as well have put the cast of Twilight on the Challenger shuttle, that actually might have made a more interesting story as rockets are cooler than boats. The effects are also really bad, especially for the monumental budget. Seriously though there are much better effects in Jurassic Park from 1993.

That brings me on to its vast collection of accolades. 11 fucking Oscars, I know 1997 was a terrible year for films but Air Force One was a good film, and that is 11 times the film that this is, and it's got Harrison Ford. My point about it being overrated is proved by the AFI's 100 anniversary rankings which claimed Titanic is the 25th best film for thrills above titles such as The Deer Hunter, The Terminator and Jurassic Park. It's funny because I got zero thrills out of Titanic, the dramatic scenes are so badly written they're actually quite comical. It also gave the film the 14th best song of any film, this list doesn't include scores but it doesn't get away from the fact that My Heart Will Go On is one of the worst songs of all time and finished higher than classics such as Hard Days Night, Born To Be Wild and I'm Free, it's a fucking joke. This is the one that hurts though, it is the 83rd best film of all time, above great films such as Platoon, The Sixth Sense and Pulp Fiction. Unbelievable.

This film is an insult to the epic list of films that this is often compared with. True epics like 2001: A Space Odyssey are constructed millions of times better than this for a fraction of the budget. Maybe I shall do some detailed comparisons soon.