I seem to remember wanting to see this film with great anticipation back in the day but never really got round to watching it, then it appeared on BBC Iplayer and I decided to give it a watch. The plot consists of a group of actors who aren't really cut out for their big up and coming role in a fictional Vietnam war flick. What they don't realise is that they are dropped into a real conflict and must unite as a team to survive.
The general plot of the film intrigues me, I like the idea of a film within a film and it generally turns out to be a solid, if poorly written story. The actual comedic elements of the film are very hit and miss and whilst some do hit the mark very well, such as the 'never go full retard' line, but often many of the jokes feel forced and barely put a smile on your face. An example of this would be the film's climax which is held together by a quite annoying and somehow underwhelming joke that the film doesn't really deserve, it deserves a proper finish. However, there are certainly enough comedic scenes to make the overall experience entertaining and some decent action sequences that come as a pleasant surprise including one of the best deaths in any film ever, it's just so unexpected.
My favorite moment of the film is probably the intro, it is such an original idea and whilst also providing a great set of laughs it sets up the characters perfectly making the story more intriguing. Sometimes the caricatures are too much, namely Jack Black who plays an annoying heroine addict that makes predictable, stereotypical jokes that just get a bit too much in the end. However, the other characters are portrayed well, especially Robert Downey Jr who plays a black man, yes a black man, and does a very good job, his charisma with Ben Stiller is one of the main reasons I would recommend this film, it really does have star power and uses it very effectively.
I also like the fact that this film doesn't take itself seriously, which fits the genre, it knows it's a rip off of classic war movies and so just pokes fun at them. Sometimes it copies them too literally as the pacing of this film is very similar to Full Metal Jacket in that the first half is much stronger than the second with some of the jokes getting repetitive and the action sequences becoming quite dull. Despite the sometimes lackluster action sequences it still never forgets its roots in comedy and if the second half does disappoint slightly then you can always fall back on a discriminative joke in the first. This film though did get a lot of slack for jokes aimed at the mentally handicapped and being a person who has had personal experience with mental disabilities I don't find the jokes offensive at all, anyone who does is missing the point of the film, a bit like when Life Of Brian was released.
Overall then this film is a refreshing installment of a genre that really has churned out some crap recently. Its original idea and action sub genre definitely come out stronger than the noticeable flaws and poor script. Having said that I still think this film is overrated, the reviews I have read claim this film to be hilarious, it isn't hilarious, just quite funny. It is however an overall entertaining experience that good acting and interesting plot carry in a film that never gets boring. While not an absolute classic that its subjects were it is still a breath of fresh air to a normally dull genre.
Oh good, it's my favorite band in the world (sarcasm). You can tell by the artwork for their latest album how exciting this band are, not very is the answer. I am going to be reviewing one particular song from their new album but really the same review could be applied to any of the other tracks from AM as they all suffer from being just the same old shit, capped off with diabolical R U Mine (ARE YOU MINE, I don't get why people do that). Is it really any surprise when the album looks like this, there just isn't any creativeness. The album was rated very highly by critics, especially NME who proclaimed it was the best album of the year. NME of course famous for being morons 99% of the time. They thought Leeds and Berlin were the coolest places in the world, need I say more.
I choose to review Arabella as it has been heralded as a song that is heavily influenced by classic rock and being as that is sort of my specialist genre I decided to see how it compares to the all time greats. The song title is actually a portmanteau word and is the combination of lead singer Alex Turner's girlfriend and a 1968 sci-fi film called Barbarella which looks absolutely terrible. Maybe he's trying to say that his girlfriend looks like shit, I don't know. What I do know is that it creates a horrible word that means I can't really take this song very seriously, not very classic rock is it, then again neither is bragging about your girlfriend. The inspiration for the song is the words of physicist Brian Cox. Yes, you read me correctly there, very rock and roll. Could've sung about philosophy or mythology but no, physics lectures.
To my amazement the song really isn't that bad. It begins with a good baseline and a solid drum beat, things that are often overlooked on more modern tracks and so it's nice to see it here, in fact everything is going well until you know who opens their very dull and expressionless mouth. I'm sorry it just doesn't fit the genre, it belongs back where the old Arctic Monkeys where, and that's not a good place. It's a shame as this song had really good promise but they've made the common mistake of becoming a band that tries to do something that they're not and they just can't pull it off, switching genres where they really don't belong. It shows as the song still feels like an indie rock hit despite the classic elements. They do give it a shot though and the song is well paced and has a good structure, if a bit linear and the climax is a little disappointing, the guitar solo is far too short and actually gets cut off by Mr. Charisma's voice which is a shame as again like the rest of the song, it had promise. There is also a faint whiff of Led Zeppelin about it as well, which I like a lot, but I couldn't imagine The Arctic Monkeys ever bringing the same chemistry and charisma to a song like Zeppelin could. The lyrics are as follows:
Arabella's got some interstellar-gator skin boots
And a helter skelter 'round her little finger and I ride it endlessly
She's got a Barbarella silver swimsuit
And when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams
I think Arabella is his vision of perfection which must reference to his girlfriend. He's basically saying that she's beautiful, but he'd prefer a mutant. Very romantic. I am concerned she's found interstellar gator skin boots which means she's probably an alien species, this guy has got fucked up desires, but what he does in his spare time is none of my business. The rest of that just makes no sense.
My days end best when this sunset gets itself
Behind that little lady sitting on the passenger side
It's much less picturesque without her catching the light
The horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eyes
What? The horizon doesn't catch the light of the sunset, this just makes no sense.
As Arabella
As Arabella
Just might have tapped into your mind and soul
You can't be sure
Oh god she has mind controlling powers, I remember seeing something like that in Alien and that didn't end well. I'm starting to wonder what he actually sees in this thing.
Arabella's got a 70's head
But she's a modern lover
It's an exploration, she's made of outer space
And her lips are like the galaxy's edge
And her kiss the colour of a constellation falling into place
(Chorus)
All forms of biological life are made from outer space so she really isn't that special. Don't know what it means by the galaxy's edge, could mean distant, cold, who knows. The rest is as confusing as the other parts of the song.
That's magic in a cheetah print coat
Just a slip underneath it I hope
Asking if I can have one of those
Organic cigarettes that she smokes
Wraps her lips round the Mexican coke
Makes you wish that you were the bottle
Takes a sip of your soul and it sounds like…
Mexican coke by the way is imported in America due to it having a more natural taste, as is the theme for this verse, although I've never heard a women referred to as natural before. The rest is just this pointless drivel that doesn't really refer to anything in particular apart from the women in question. I expected there to be some sort of progression with this song but I end up disappointed, you could basically copy and paste the first verse and it would sound almost the same.
This song was ceratinly well received by fans, Tips logged on to Amazon to say: "Awesome album. Change of style from previous 2albums; however lyrically they are as sharp as ever. Their maturity shines through and is definitely an outstanding addition to my music collection. Love it!"
No they're not lyrically sharp, this song proves that. It's just the same dry drab that we've become used to, there is no real message to the song and it tries to be deep but ends up just being confusing. Maturity is one of the problems, when have classic rock bands ever done anything mature, it makes them who they are. With The Arctic Monkeys I get the impression that they're the sort of people you borrow a stepladder from, they don't have any character.
The review on beatsperminute.com says:
"For those who think Arctic Monkeys are at their best
when they’re at their fastest and heaviest, there’s “Arabella,” a trippy
love song with a savage riff that is forever indebted to Black
Sabbath’s “War Pigs.” Turner pulls out all the superlatives to describe
this particular woman: “She’s made of outer space/Her lips are like the
galaxy’s edge/And her kiss is the colour of a constellation falling into
place.” I think he likes her."
I'd hardly call the riff savage, not saying it's bad but I wouldn't compare it to War Pigs, I don't think they sound similar at all but then maybe that's just me, and if Alex Turner is trying to impersonate Ozzy then I'm offended. Ha, pulls out all the superlatives, Imagine saying to a women that you got your pick up lines from Brian Cox.
Overall then this song just tries to do a bit too much and then inevitably pulls up short. There is a fine line between surreal and just plain confusing that means the lyrics end up feeling meaningless. I certainly admire this song, after all it is different from the same generic crap we get from every other so called rock band but it still somehow feels the same as every other Arctic Monkeys song; underwhelming, uninspired. It's a step in the right direction and the song has good motives, it just can't pull them off.
Overall Rating: 4/10 **
A
typically John Cooper Clarke-esque wonder of wit and wordplay sees in
track four with Turner spitting: "Arabella's got some interstellar gator
skin boots, and a helter skelter and a little finger and I ride it
endlessly. From there, 'Arabella' takes on a meaty and lean classic rock
rush with choppy guitar work and a chunky rhythm section that shows clear
influence from their former touring buddies The Black Keys. A future
Monkeys' classic? Maybe, whatever, but it sounds bloody brilliant live. Read more at http://www.gigwise.com/news/83953/track-by-track-review-arctic-monkeys---am#CXplkZ0wi8QfTUS0.99
A
typically John Cooper Clarke-esque wonder of wit and wordplay sees in
track four with Turner spitting: "Arabella's got some interstellar gator
skin boots, and a helter skelter and a little finger and I ride it
endlessly. From there, 'Arabella' takes on a meaty and lean classic rock
rush with choppy guitar work and a chunky rhythm section that shows clear
influence from their former touring buddies The Black Keys. A future
Monkeys' classic? Maybe, whatever, but it sounds bloody brilliant live. Read more at http://www.gigwise.com/news/83953/track-by-track-review-arctic-monkeys---am#CXplkZ0wi8QfTUS0.99
A
typically John Cooper Clarke-esque wonder of wit and wordplay sees in
track four with Turner spitting: "Arabella's got some interstellar gator
skin boots, and a helter skelter and a little finger and I ride it
endlessly. From there, 'Arabella' takes on a meaty and lean classic rock
rush with choppy guitar work and a chunky rhythm section that shows clear
influence from their former touring buddies The Black Keys. A future
Monkeys' classic? Maybe, whatever, but it sounds bloody brilliant live. Read more at http://www.gigwise.com/news/83953/track-by-track-review-arctic-monkeys---am#CXplkZ0wi8QfTUS0.99
A
typically John Cooper Clarke-esque wonder of wit and wordplay sees in
track four with Turner spitting: "Arabella's got some interstellar gator
skin boots, and a helter skelter and a little finger and I ride it
endlessly. From there, 'Arabella' takes on a meaty and lean classic rock
rush with choppy guitar work and a chunky rhythm section that shows clear
influence from their former touring buddies The Black Keys. A future
Monkeys' classic? Maybe, whatever, but it sounds bloody brilliant live. Read more at http://www.gigwise.com/news/83953/track-by-track-review-arctic-monkeys---am#CXplkZ0wi8QfTUS0.99
I am generally an old fashioned person and so give me a choice between the classic Batman films and the Christopher Nolan trilogy and I will definitely choose the classics any day of the week, it's not that I don't enjoy the newer versions but I feel they take themselves too seriously and then don't deliver on the aspects that make a great action movie. I prefer the classic films that knew they were light hearted and so didn't try anything fancy, unlike this film.
It certainly isn't a bad film, the acting on display is good, the special effects are nice, there is an exciting plethora of characters and Nolan directs a solid film that overall is an enjoyable experience that I would happily watch again. I would personally give it 2 and a half stars and the reason that might seem quite low is because of the massive elephant sitting in the corner, the plot. I'm now going to attempt to describe how unbelievably floored the storyline is. So yes there is going to be spoilers.
The film begins with the CIA letting unknown terrorists on their plane without any checks what so ever, for all they know the men could be the well known terrorist Bane, but they don't need to check that. I mean it's not as if the plane is carrying valuable cargo that becomes central to the plot later is it, no. Bane being a master tactician knows that when the CIA are transporting high value criminals they turn off all radar systems as then his Hercules C130J, which he would of had to steal off a military air force first, turns up without being recognized. Even if the radar wasn't working they could of just looked out a fucking window, the thing has a wingspan of 40m.
Hmm, that's hard to spot isn't it. Bane then pointlessly decides to leave a body on board so it doesn't look suspicious. No a plane with wings miles away from the actual plane crash and covered in bullet holes doesn't look suspicious at all does it.
Batman is then shown being given an artificial knee brace that has a rather hard hitting impact on a piece of rock. This piece of kit will almost certainly make Batman unstoppable if he remembers to ever use it again, which he doesn't, it is never mentioned again and would of made his job a hell of a lot easier as there are definitely some moments where it could come in useful, after all there maybe some terrorist working in Gotham City for about the 50th week running. Speaking of Bane his next masterful and flawed step is currently underway.
Bane's next step is to ruin Batman's superpower, his money, which when you think about it is rather a shit superpower, it's not as if it ever comes in useful, apart from that long lost knee brace. May as well have spent the money on a Rolls Royce, at least he might use that. Bane's men enter the stock exchange and then escape on dirt bikes that appear from nowhere. Now, dirt bikes are quite difficult to obtain from the center of New Yor-I mean Gotham and then there is the problem of storing them without anyone noticing, how big is the stock exchange broom cupboard, doubt there's enough room for 20 dirt bikes. But these are special dirt bikes, yes these dirt bikes can alter the Earth's spin. At least they appear to as the chase starts in broad daylight and ends up pitch balck after a trip through a tunnel. Continuity.
Batman tries to make a comeback but his knee brace isn't working yet and so is forced to escape on the loudest and largest thing ever invented, but people still don't notice it. Now let's play the game of where's the Batcopter in the next picture:
No, me neither. I guess we're just like the GCPD. Also a light helicopter at 100ft produces around 100 decibels in noise which is roughly the same as standing next to a jackhammer making the GCPD the most useless police force in the world. No wonder all these villains end up in Gotham, they have a shitty police force who don't get the hint that Gotham is a hive of scum and villainy (always wanted to use that) and has a shitty superhero with no useful talents and a two setting voice control that's either on shout mode or out of breath mode. Batman of course is ruined by this stock market takeover that is still aloud to stand even though it occurring suspiciously on the same day as a stock market raid. Good god Gotham City is full of retards.
Batman then inevitably tries to fight Bane and shows us what a brilliant superpower money is as he's destroyed. Probably because Batman forgets all about that bloody leg brace and tries to punch Bane. I have no sympathy for a person with that amount of stupidity. Instead of killing Batman and being sensible Bane decides to cart Batman off to the PRISON OF DOOM in an oilfield somewhere the other side of the world. There is zero chance of escape for Batman unless he scales a climbing tower that Bane must have borrowed from the local funfair which I'm sure a seven year old child could climb, hopefully with an entertaining voiceover from Richard Hammond. It's not a very good prison if the cellmates are free to get out and oh, what a fucking surprise, Batman does. But not before Bane has traveled halfway around the world to taunt Batman and then leave and install cable TV in English which means Bane's henchman would have to dig out the surrounding landscape to fit a cable down it, which then Batman subsequently destroys in a hissy fit. I'm wondering who the bad guy is. Batman gets bed and breakfast accommodation with cable TV and his own personal chiropractor and then goes and destroys it all. Bastard. Here's an interesting diagram showing how difficult it is to receive cable TV:
Fascinating. Of course with Batman gone it is left to the world's shittest police force to stop Bane and would you believe it they manage to outdo their own shittiness, by sending EVERY cop into the sewers. You know maybe you might want to keep one back for Mrs. Smith's handbag that might get stolen, but oh no EVERYONE. Of course it inevitably goes wrong and the police are trapped by a wall of cars which makes the rock climbing at the prison of doom look like Mount Everest, but being useless they can't figure it out. I don't blame Bane for trying to overthrow the government, Gotham would probably be safer during a time of civil unrest than when the world's shittest police force are running the show. Maybe that's why the people believe that a few words written by Bane are the words of Commissioner Gordon as their sick of the rubbish policing job lately, either that or the Daily Mail must sell very well in Gotham.
But Bane being the kind man that he is decides to let the police live (huh) so he can waste valuable food resources on feeding them and even gives them razors and shaving cream so they don't look untidy, seriously though nobody has any facial hair. Either the Gotham police force are all women (which would explain the lack of direction) or are required to carry emergency shaving kits in case they get stuck in a tunnel by a crime lord, which probably happens quite often knowing their record. The US army at this point has done absolutely nothing, probably because there isn't any oil in Gotham, and they're scared of terrorists.
But it's okay as Batman TELEPORTS back into Gotham. I mean he must have done or he would have to have climbed out the prison of doom in the middle of nowhere and managed to find his way back to Gotham with no money or passport and find another Batman suite in the process. What are the chances. Not that Gotham would have any transport links anyway as it has been cordoned off by the US army. It seems they're shittier than the GCPD. HOW DID BANE LOSE. Oh, Batman, who at this point returns on the frozen river which people are seen falling through with limited clothing on but Batman can walk perfectly fine on the same area of ice in his much heavier suite. PHYSICS. He also uses a tranquilizer gun to disable Bane's men. Very useful, especially at any other point in this film. Who needs hydraulic leg braces when you've got tranquilizers. Batman then reveals his fire sculpture that looks very pretty but this probably isn't the time to be making fire sculptures that take a long time to build. Below is a clip from the Fire Sculpture World Championships (yes, there is such a thing), from Estonia, that shows how difficult it is to make a fire sculpture.
Somehow Batman had to haul massive tanks of gasoline on top of a bridge on his won without any of Bane's men seeing him, or are they no better than the GCPD. Also the laws of physics dictate that Gasoline runs quite quickly on a vertical surface and so by the time Batman ignites his brilliant sculpture it would look a bit shit. The cops are then freed from the CAR WALL OF DEATH, that's about 3m tall, and then charge at Bane's heavily armored men who are equipped with tanks and guns even when they are only equipped with fists and batons. Smart strategy, but then they are the world's shittest police force. I seem to remember the outcome of this confrontation from Indiana Jones.
It seems however that Christopher Nolan doesn't have a good taste in films, or a grip on reality, as according to him this is an even match. Even Batman arrives to not use that leg brace that could've come in very handy 5000 times in this film.
Of course it all ends happily, predictably, as Batman destroys Bane's plan to blow Gotham to pieces (makes sense. Conquer first and then blow it up, could've just blown it up) with his nuclear bomb that he destroys just in the nick of time, because some days you just can't get rid of a bomb. (hmm, that sculpture better have been worth it) The bomb detonates and everybody cheers. As they go into a nuclear winter. What a happy ending.
