#10 Assassin's Creed: Unity
What Ubisoft have done here is essentially ruin what on paper looked to be a great game. For starters it looks very nice. The setting is the usual fascinating world that the 'Assassin's Creed' franchise has always given us. And in top form there aren't many games that can beat this series. I'm not even fussed that all the playable characters are male, because you really need to reconsider your life if that affects you. What are they going to be moaning about next? How outraged they are at how FIFA has all male characters. But aside from people whinging about superficial bollocks like that there is a serious problem with this game. For starters the story is an uninspired mess that never feels unpredictable at any stage. And the missions are sometimes intolerable with Ubisoft dictating how you must play the game their way. Sometimes the developers forbid you from being an actual human being and punish you for having free will. How dare you try a mission your way. You will always be Ubisoft's puppet, and them forcing you to play their way is really starting to annoy me.
Then there's the more publicly widespread problems that have caused a media backlash. The consumers aren't lying either, this game is sometimes so glitchy that it is borderline unplayable. Something that is totally unacceptable from one of the best funded titles of the year. Ten studios worked on this and it still plays like an absolute dog. I've seen walkthroughs where the performance goes down to a scarcely believable six frames per second, and that's not including the countless glitches a player may experience along the way. And what do Ubisoft do to combat this; like the dicks they are they ban all review copies so players didn't find out until they bought the game. What fucking scumbags. Of course they would eventually release a patch that was a temporary fix, and that patch ended up being only a few gigabytes hinting that there is probably something fundamentally wrong with their game. And we haven't even got onto the micro-transactions yet, which is a bit of a middle finger from the developers with a 'release now patch it later' attitude. It's true that Assassin's Creed might be running out of steam, but maybe if they put a little bit more care into it and stopped rushing the games to be released annually then disasters like this wouldn't happen.
#9 The Sims 4
Wow, this a huge disappointment. Somehow EA managed to take a huge step back in a series that was bordering on perfection. The once complex gameplay of a personal favorite series of mine has now been dumbed down to such a pathetic level that it actually insults me. No longer is there an open world; now the game constricts your options to a preset section of land that takes the franchise all the way back to its roots. Of course then it was a technical limitation and not just the developers being lazy. To combat this restricted world EA have included a new emotional system or some bollocks like that, which is essentially just an improved version of what they already had. Their original system worked absolutely fine and this new one makes such a miniscule difference that marketing a whole game around it seems absurd.
That's not to say there weren't some positive points about this new entry. For one there was a hilarious upscaling tool that the player could abuse and make toilets larger than the actual house. That was good fun, but the rest is just a bitter disappointment. It didn't help that EA decided to ban all review copies, parting thousands of people with their money when they had no idea of the lackluster experience that was waiting for them. Of course EA just wanted to hide the fact that they had removed key features like swimming pools and whole stages of the life cycle. I don't think that bothered the filthy rich pockets of EA who had just sold out one of their most loved franchises. And because they've removed the pool features we can't take them swimming and remove the steps to get out. Those were the days.
#8 Driveclub
This narrowly won the worst racer of the year thanks to 'The Crew' being saved by a brilliant modification system. The only thing this game has going for it is that it actually looks quite pretty. Of course you won't be caring about that when you realise how shit the actual gameplay is, especially when compared to a far superior racer like Forza. To put it into perspective Forza has an extensive choice from hundreds of cars to race with from all over the world; however in Driveclub we get a grand total of less than sixty, with the majority being from Europe, which is a fucking joke in comparison. Then there's the customisation, which is virtually non existent, and couple this with generic gameplay and you have a very limited and dissapointing racer.
My other gripes concern the realism of this game, especially the damage system which is so badly done it's actually quite hilarious sometimes. This isn't helped by the ludicrous AI that stick to their racing lines like glue. Any attempt at an overtake and you'll end up flipping uncontrollably in the air, because the physics engine is predictably shit. This is just laughable when you compare it to the polished AI in Forza or Gran Turismo. My advice would be to stick clear of single player altogether as it's clearly no fun. But then the problem with that is that the servers don't fucking work so you can't play multiplayer either. In the end my only advice would just be not to buy this lifeless racer that wouldn't even please the most impressionable of twats. Surely even they can't defend what might just be the most boring game of all time.
#7 Deus Ex: The Fall
For some reason this mobile game ended up getting a full retail release on the PC, and I still can't work out why. We already have 'Deus Ex: Human Revolution' on the PC, which is coincidentally what this game is based on. So why would I pay again for a game that's just been designed for a different console when the same and more advanced game I already have is optimised for that system? So as you can see it doesn't make sense to release it, and it doesn't make sense to port it to the PC. And so surely doing so would result in a terrible game, which it inevitably did.
Firstly the controls are so basic and limited that it's actually quite offensive. Nothing feels natural and your character lumbers around the map like some ugly paraplegic. There isn't even a jump button. That's how limited the game is; they couldn't even be bothered to allow your character to jump. In a stealth game I would say that's pretty important. The rest of the controls don't respond half the time, and when you're not cursing at them you're cursing at the god awful menus that simply navigating is like trying to crack the enigma code. And through all of this it still feels like a mobile game. What was the point in releasing this for the ultimate console if you can't even be bothered to adapt it? Fucking hopeless.
#6 Dungeon Keeper Mobile
Oh what a surprise, EA ruining yet another much loved franchise thanks to their selfish love of money. Instead of making a worthy successor to the classic 'Dungeon Keeper' we get a mobile game that's micro-transaction hell. Now I hate mobile games, but these ones that use in game currency to play the damn thing really piss me off. Especially when the game uses micro-transactions for everything; even building a simple tunnel costs real money, sometimes hundreds of pounds could be spent on furnishing just one room. It's a fucking joke.
What EA have given us here is the video gaming equivalent of the Nigerian lottery. It's not very fun to play when you've just realised that your hard earned cash is being stolen right in front of your very eyes to a bunch of petty crooks. Although this time the crooks then force you to rate their app five stars as any other ratings won't show on the app store, conning more people of yet more money. Just another example of EA being fucking disgusting wankers, and probably bordering on criminal. In fact scamming is the only purpose of this game. The only element of gameplay in the whole thing is essentially just superficial rubbish that has been added as an afterthought. So thanks EA, thanks for ruining yet another well respected franchise for a chance at getting a quick buck to fill your filthy rich pockets.
#5 BlackSoul
To be honest I just dislike horror games in general, and I especially despise horror games that have been made incredibly poorly. 'BlackSoul' was the epitome of this bad design with its ridiculously buggy gameplay and aesthetic features that make it look like a particularly ugly genital wart. Its shoddy quality runs through everything, and when your not being plagued by technical issues the whole premise of the game is just really fucking boring. It tries to play on features from horror games of yesteryear, but ends up spitting on their grave with all these so called 'classic' features either not working or culminating in a disorganised mess.
Everything this does is just astonishingly bad. It's just no fun at any stage, and it even becomes frustrating after the six millionth glitch of that level has taken place. That's assuming there are levels, although I for one couldn't work out a premise throughout the whole thing. I think it was something to do with being in a haunted house in the English countryside and killing things, but that in itself is quite a difficult task as nothing fucking works. Admittedly it is free, but how it can ever be considered a game is a joke. The fact that a real person thought this was a marketable product is just laughable, and the results are just downright offensive.
#4 Basement Crawl
And here we have the game that sums up the PS4's crap year. Sony might have released more content for their console but when the result is this I'm really not interested. A 'Bomberman' clone that ends up feeling a million times worse than the original is not my idea of a fun game. Especially when that's all there is too it. In a full video game release the developers managed to add three maps and one game mode to an already terrible game. That's something that might have been acceptable in 1908, but in 2014 that's just astonishingly poor quality. You can't even customise that limited experience either. There aren't even any options that let you change anything about the game; you either play the game their way or not at all. You're not even allowed to change the duration of matches meaning you end up with an overall experience that gets boring incredibly quickly. And that's all assuming the multiplayer features actually work, which doesn't happen most of the time.
#3 Goat Simulator
'Goat Simulator' was a rather love or hate game that ended up becoming what I despise most about modern PC gaming. I dub this sort of title a 'PewDiePie' game as it only gains popularity by getting coverage from an annoying YouTube personality that just so happens to have a 'funny' voice. Because the game is meant to be humorous the YouTube personality gets a lot of playtime out of making endless montages of their hilarious moments despite the fact that there isn't anything else meritable out of a poorly made game. Of course people idolize annoying bellends like this and so this game goes viral, becoming an instant success overnight despite the fact that nobody has been told about the incredibly poor content. The problem now is that developers who want some quick cash will now purposely make terrible games like 'Goat Simulator' to get this sort of coverage, and we're now seeing this with a growing number of deliberately poor attempts to make a video game.
'Goat Simulator' is the epitome of my analogy, and unfortunately this trend is set to increase with the amount of sales this game picked up. The whole thing is just a stupid and pointless mess where the only goal is to cause as much damage as possible to your very small and limited environment. That is genuinely the only loose connection this game ever makes to having any sort of premise or relevant gameplay. The rest is just a mix of glitches and novelty features that soon wear out thanks to the whole game's shoddy quality. I just hate the fact that a game was made to such a poor standard in order to become successful, and I hope that's a trend that soon stops as it is slowly killing the gaming industries credibility.
#2 Rambo: The Video Game
It seems amazing that a game like this can be released at full retail price in 2014. 'Rambo' is not only the worst use of a movie license ever but also a rail shooter, something that you'll commonly find in 1980's arcades, which are not famed for their high quality games. Why this game needs to exist is also another questionable matter since the movies were released over thirty years ago and there isn't a big call for a game type that also died out decades ago, so why now? It could maybe be forgiven if the gameplay elements were actually quite fun, but that's not the case when everything is linked together with quick time events, meaning the game is essentially button mashing at designated points throughout the whole thing. Where's the fun in a terribly constructed game that is accompanied by a hole filled storyline? I just don't understand why this sort of crap gets released.
Furthermore the thing looks disgusting. Just by glancing at that screenshot I think I'm about to throw up. It actually looks like footage from the original film, and it might just be as the audio too sounds like it was ripped straight from a tape player. I wouldn't even care about that if they just got the basics right, but pointless violence, terrible dialogue and some horrendous storytelling are just not acceptable on any game. It takes everything bad about the movie franchise and chucks it together with a huge bucket of shit to produce something that at no point feels fun or at least a little bit entertaining. All this from a game that costs full retail price. Even bargain bins would reject this shite.
#1 Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric
A timely reminder of why we all hate Sonic. There is no hope for humanity if games like this keep being produced. It easily took the worst game of the year award when it turned an already poor franchise into one of the worst things I have ever experienced. Dull isn't a strong enough word to describe the sheer emptiness of such an annoying game. It's like the developers can't even be bothered anymore. Sonic himself has even given up, he no longer travels at running pace; it's now more a lethargic jog through levels of huge scale mediocrity. Nothing this game does offers any kind of excitement, especially the basic and repetitive combat that makes you feel like ending your life. Couple this with the large roster of annoyingly unfunny and tedious twats and you have a game that makes 'Rambo: The Video Game' seem like 'GTA'.
It's not even a Sonic game anymore, it just can't be. It tries, but it's been made so poorly that fast paced levels are no longer possible due to constant framerate issues and large parts of the story can be skipped by a simple glitch. The performance is so poor that you've often run past the stuff at a slow pace before it even appears, which in a game that revolves around running is pretty much suicide. But the worst sin for me is that this game isn't anything; it has no purpose, and never attempts to have one. It tries to do so many things and ends up failing miserably at them all. Firstly it tries to be a platformer. Then it wants to be an action game. Then it tries to be a 'Temple Run' clone before it finally ends up trying to be a free roam game. It really is quite special how it manages to fail at every single one of those so badly. For that reason it just has to be the worst game of the year. And please Sonic; just. Fuck. Off.
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