Top 10 Worst Songs of 2016

2016 has been just an awful year in general, and that includes the happenings in the music scene too. For some reason every song released this year seemed to be designed just to annoy me, which made this list really hard to make. There is a lot of shit that didn't make the cut that would have been a dead cert in previous years, and just by looking at these dishonourable mentions it seems scarcely believable that there can be ten songs even worse. Use these dishonourable mentions as a trigger warning if you will; a trigger warning for shit music.

Selena Gomez - Hands to Myself: Fuck me is this dull. I honestly struggled to get through a single listen without planting my head firmly onto the keyboard.
Sia - Sweet Design: Thank fuck Sia didn't release whatever the hell this is as a single. This ugly concoction is fucking unbearable.
Zara Larson - Aint My Fault: I don't actually mind Zara Larson as an artist, but this song made me seriously reconsider my positives opinions of her.
Zayn - Pillowtalk: Sorry, I didn't like it one bit, but even I'll admit this is nowhere near deserving a spot on this list.
Florida Georgia Line - HOLY: Fuck off 'Florida Georgia Line'. Fuck off with your dumb acronyms, and fuck off with your faux country music. Johnny Cash is rolling in his grave.
Beyonce - Formation: A forced and unnecessary political message crammed into a song that has zero technical qualities funnily enough spells disaster.
Gnash - I Hate U I Love U: Terrible piano playing topped off with vocals that are somehow even worse. Nothing short of a miracle that this didn't make the list.

#10 Zay Hilifigerrr & Zayion McCall - Juju On That Beat

See what I mean about 2016 being the worst year for music I can ever recall. THIS is only number ten. Even though I honestly tried really hard to ignore shitty dance based music this year, I still had to include a track so awful that it makes the attempted viral dance craze 'Watch Me' look relatively sophisticated. Everything about this monstrosity is absolutely fucking terrible. Firstly the lyrics are absolutely pointless, but then I suppose that should be expected if all they do is try and force upon humanity one of the most uninventive dances ever imagined. Arguably even worse is the accompanying vocals, that are both irritating and sound like the 'artists' were out of breath and couldn't give a shit.

It's hard to actually pinpoint what these knobheads actually did to call themselves artists. The beat comes from a 'Crime Mob' hit of yesteryear, that wasn't even any good back in 2004, and not surprisingly sounds really outdated here. The lyrics just reference other dance moves that surprise, surprise, these idiots didn't even invent, and as a result are so simplistic when mixed together. I personally despise artists that lack any imagination, but these twats take it to the next level by not even displaying a shred of coherent thought. As far as I can work out the only thing they did invent is the word 'Juju', which is just a fucking stupid word that I'm already sick of hearing. Why should these bellends even have their name anywhere near this shit? However the person I blame most for the failures of this song is you. Well maybe not you personally, but all the people that decided to make this go viral by doing a stupid dance to boost their own egos. Those sorts of scum are the primary reason I'm having to talk about this shit and repeatedly listen to it, so thanks a fucking bunch. If 2016 did do one good thing it was deciding to cease operations for the video sharing site 'Vine', which is how this song spread like herpes. Hopefully that amazing decision will ensure that future generations won't have to suffer at the hands of cancerous songs like this, but I'd just like move on and forget this ever happened. Somehow.


#9 Fergie - M.I.L.F. $

If I seriously have to explain why this is a shit song then I've lost all faith in humanity. The only emotions you should be having when listening to this song are shock and horror, followed by a long spell of crushing despair at realising this sort of thing actually passes as music nowadays. Apparently this is more than just pure shit according to Fergie, whose decided this is actually a song about empowering female mums. How the fuck does it do that? Hey Fergie, you can't just shoehorn buzzwords into songs and expect people to buy into that message. This is low rent provocative trash at its absolute worst, and you're a despicable person for even trying to lie about the allegedly serious themes that underlay the whole song.

Fergie is 41. She's clearly having a mid life crisis, but instead of people condemning her now wayward actions like everyone does to middle aged Porsche drivers, people are actually buying this shit. THIS SONG CHARTED. Did nobody involved ever pluck up the courage to tell Fergie to just fuck off and stop trying to be the next controversial ageing star, like say Madonna, who thankfully finally looks to have packed up for good. I can only imagine the production crew were bound and gagged when Fergie listed her ridiculous demands to overproduce this shit to hell and not in any way ruin her career for good. You get the sense that any fucking noise ever recorded has somehow managed to find a way into this song, which I can only assume is a tactic from the production team to distract us all from the horror that is the actual song itself. In the end the overproduction just wasn't enough to drown out this shit, with both the lyrics and beat appearing like genital warts on display to everyone. This song has however produced some fantastic memes, which is another good feature of 2016, so I guess every cloud has a silver lining.


#8 Iggy Azalea - Team

Ugh, Iggy Azalea just won't fade into obscurity peacefully. Instead her inevitable demise is fronted by the sounds of a horrendous beat and Iggy's equally horrendous voice that's become all too familiar in her music. This time however she's managed to outdo her own shitness by creating the worst combination of noises in recorded history. I don't mind the synth that much, and I actually want to praise the production team for trying to cover up Azalea's voice, because as you can see when left to its own devices it sends this song into a head on car crash. Let's just say I would love to have seen some bass or technical prowess dominating this song, rather than Iggy making this a painful listen. All this ego building crap builds up to one hell of a generic chorus, and in a song that's trying to instigate a comeback that's not a good thing. It almost sounds like Iggy has had to resort to imitating the rap scene every step of the way just to appear relevant, only succeeding in making a cheap knock off version.

I'm sorry I just can't put up with that artificial and ghastly voice that sticks out like a sore thumb. It's just intolerable. As a musician Iggy's gimmick, apart from being a massive slut, is that she can't rap without putting on a faux accent, and in this song these common themes are more prevalent than ever. She even goes for the Jamaican accent in this one, which is possibly the worst impression of all time, still managing to sound worse than her already superimposed accent. I get it Iggy, this song is you telling everyone you can do things all by yourself, apart from this song however, which took another FIVE people to write; definitely proving your point here. Let's see how well your team did here:

(Hell nah) Keep on pushing like a dealer (say what?)
(Hell nah) Keep on shooting, Reggie Miller (say what?)
(Hell nah) Go and give 'em all the finger
You gotta set the score right, call it Hans Zimmer

Five extra people to help you write a song and they can't even comprehend that 'dealer' doesn't rhyme with 'Miller', and 'finger' isn't anywhere close to rhyming with 'Zimmer'. Maybe try working better with your team instead of being a narcissistic asshat and producing shit like this. The thing is that critics fell for this song. This song got positive reviews. How? I know pop critics are paid to praise music instead of actually reviewing it, but come on. If there was ever a time to make a fucking exception this is it.

#7 Shawn Mendes - Treat You Better

I've never actually got the chance yet to say that Shawn Mendes is just shit. I hate his attitude, I hate his whiny voice, and I definitely fucking hate the music he decides to release. Mendes takes the cliched 'teen white pop singer' gimmick to the next level by falsely coming across like he's more sophisticated than his competition by bringing in such profound elements as the occasional acoustic guitar riff. The acoustic guitar in this song however soon gets drowned out by a flat out terrible beat. Shawn Mendes also sounds annoying as ever. I don't know who thought that chorus sounded good, but they clearly don't have the ability of hearing. The rest of the song isn't any better, essentially just generic crap that houses as much passion as The Pope's bedroom. That's the same with all Shawn Mendes songs really, but this one took that whole 'plain' feeling to the next level.

I wouldn't usually give a shit about the work of someone as meaningless as Shawn Mendes, but the thing that really pisses me off with this one is that Mendes thought that a domestic violence theme would partner this song perfectly. I'm not sure any cheesy, generic pop deserves a domestic violence theme, especially a Shawn Mendes number. But it wasn't enough for Mendes to force a serious theme into this song to sell a few more copies, because Mendes likes to make songs that revolve around him. Let's see how carefully and respectfully Mendes treats this very serious topic:

Tell me why are we wasting time

On all your wasted crying

When you should be with me instead

You fucking asshole. This is a domestic violence victim, but instead of caring about her welfare you start criticising her because she doesn't want to fuck you. You know what Mendes, maybe this girl doesn't want to go from an abusive relationship to being sexually harassed by you. Ever thought about that you selfish prick? What a top gentleman you are Mendes, pouring out your selfless emotions because you've decided you deserve a girl who's being domestically abused. How fucking self centred is this cunt? I don't know if this shock factor did get the guy more record sales, but you're an asshole for even trying this dirty tactic. 'Oh it's all about me, me, me'. Fuck off Mendes.


#6 Fall Out Boy - Ghostbusters

I know there's a lot of stupid people on this planet, but who in their right would think Fall Out Boy attempting to cover 'The Ghostbusters Theme' would work in any way. I hope with every fibre of my being that the person responsible for this shambles was instantly fired. Ray Parker Jr's original was smooth and cool, and a perfect accompaniment to a now iconic film. Let's just say the original has become an absolute classic for a good reason. Since when have the words 'smooth' and 'cool' ever been used in the same paragraph as 'Fall Out Boy'? Never is the answer, so it makes zero fucking sense to have them anywhere near this soundtrack, which may I add is also complete crap. Much like the poorly done rip off of a film this song features in, this theme tune is devoid of any artistic flair, or even a shred of any integrity. It's a shameless ripoff that also has the defining feature of sounding fucking awful.

Missy Elliot also tags along for whatever reason. Again, why they thought she needed a verse in a rock song is beyond me, but I have a feeling that decision may have been given to the same guy who decided to include the line in this song that 'Ghostbusters kill ghosts'. Not quite sure how you can kill something that's already dead, but I guess that's what was attempted with this song. There's not really much else to say other than to reiterate what a complete mess this whole production is, treating the source material with about as much respect as a turd, and settling for possibly the worst rock song I've heard in recent years. I'm a big fan of rock music, so when one manages to make this list you know it's got to be apocalyptically bad. But to be honest that's not my biggest disappointment, rather the fact that this song is just a money grabbing bodge job that devalues the original classic to make a quick buck. Fuck you Fall Out Boy.


#5 Lukas Graham - 7 Years

Lukas Graham are a Danish group with what might just be the worst band name of all time. Yeah that's right 'Lukas Graham' is the name of the band, and there isn't anybody in this group called Lukas Graham, which makes the name all the more worse. Lukas Graham could have at least picked an exciting name based group name like 'Lynyrd Skynyrd', but no, it's instead named after someone who sounds like a mediocre salesman. Maybe I wouldn't give a shit about their name if their music was any better, but it certainly fucking isn't. Their big hit 'Seven Years' takes on an autobiographical form, blatantly lying about the lead singer's life, but still managing to tell a excruciatingly dull story that wouldn't even pass as a Jane Austin novel. I wouldn't mind hearing the stories of people I find interesting, but this is just boring twaddle shoved down my throat. It's not deep in any way, just a cliche ridden mess created to boost egos.

I find it amazing that an allegedly serious life story can turn out so cheesy, and not in a good way either, this is plain cringey. On one hand we're being sold this metaphysical story about life in general, but then that's contrasted with the most formulaic structure it's possible to imagine. Lukas Graham, or whatever the fuck his name is, passes as a condescending knob, telling a story that isn't relatable or inspiring unless you're an arrogant fucknugget. It's quite clear he doesn't have the required talent to become an actual respected musician, and unfortunately for him this song only emphasises his pathetic vocal range and shitty personality. Somehow this crap managed to be nominated for the song of the year at the Grammys. Just take a minute to let that one sink in. I know 2016 was a shit year for music, but even if we were in an apocalyptic scenario were for some reason only Denmark could release music then this shit still shouldn't be anywhere near a nomination. Maybe Denmark should just stick to exporting butter and bacon instead of ruining the music scene with tedious bollocks like this. It says a lot about Danish music tastes when the song this overtook to become the record time spent at number one in the Danish charts was 'Doctor Jones' by Aqua. I think Donald Trump might be building his wall in the wrong place.


#4 Rihanna - Work

For some reason hit songs this year loved repeating the word 'work' an insufferable amount of times. Rihanna's song however gets the nod over Fifth Harmony's 'Work From Home', as in my opinion it's far more annoying. At least 'Work From Home' has a coherent chorus, whereas 'Work' is just some noises thrown together. I don't care what West Indian dialect it's meant to resemble, it just sounds like unintelligible shit from a stroke patient. It's not artistic, just bone idolism that attempts to substitute for any worthwhile lyrics. The rest of the song equally feels like a placeholder every step of the way, and there's a clear lack of any artistic merit or effort. Rihanna herself has never worked at trying to pull off being a credible rapper, and here that fact is brought right to the front of some very weak lyrics. Of course that's assuming you actually try and analyse this song, because your initial impression should be to instantly pinpoint how damn repetitive 'Work' is. I don't mind the odd bit of repetition in a song but this just takes the piss. The word 'work' is used 79 times throughout the whole 3 and a half minute song. 'Work' certainly isn't a song that gets stuck in your head; it's a song that just infuriates you with every listen, giving you a gradual disdain for the perfectly reasonable word 'work'.

The real kick in the balls with this one is finding out it took seven people to write this crap. SEVEN. I can only assume the dollar signs lit up in all their eyes and they forgot what they were supposed to be doing in about the three and a half minutes it must have taken to write down this bollocks. That's a pretty ironic attitude to have in a song about working your ass off for your paychecks. Speaking of not working your ass off Drake also has a verse, and as you can probably tell from my enthusiasm adds absolutely fuck all. This song is just used as a poor excuse to hit on Rihanna whilst massaging his own ego, although to be fair to Drake at least his contribution doesn't sound like a work in progress. As for the rest, well the whole product doesn't actually feel like anyone could be bothered to make a pleasant song in the slightest. The bass is clunky and sticks out like a sore thumb, and the beat equally feels all over the place. Everything is just so half assed, and funnily enough half assed elements forcibly stuck together don't work in making credible music. Rihanna doesn't need to put up with this shit. She's a credible artist at her usual standard, so why all of a sudden has she been focusing on sub-standard messes like this?


#3 Young M.A. - OOOUUU

It's that time in the list when we uncover the worst rap track of the year. Every damn list there is always that one dumb rap track that displays all the negative qualities of an overall abysmal genre. This year that honour goes to the despicable human being that goes by the name of 'Young M.A.'; a man who looks like the subject of a transgender suicide awareness advert. If you couldn't tell by this song alone he also has the persona of a grade-A cunt, failing to convince me he's a credible gangster, or even a decent human being for that matter. I don't claim to know much about the ins and outs of being a successful rap artist, but I do know that 'M.A.' has absolutely no flow and sounds fucking terrible with every line he arrogantly mumbles. He doesn't help himself by rhyming the same words over and over again throughout the whole fucking song, but then I was already convinced this thing in general is just an all round terrible human being with no reason to be anywhere near the music industry.

I'll be honest and say the production team haven't exactly helped the guy. I just don't understand why anyone would think of adding those horrible sound effects mixed in the background. They add absolutely nothing to the song and sound fucking awful. The mixing however pales in comparison to the unbearable repetition at the end of every line. Why the hell would anyone want to inflict a sound as distasteful as that on humanity? Not only does it sound shit, but it's just so fucking unnecessary. I unfortunately had the displeasure of hearing this young chap the first time, so please stop trying to inflict untold misery on millions by making the twat repeat himself. Then there's my issue with the title, which makes no fucking sense. I might expect that level of creativity from a children's TV episode that was put together in two seconds, but this is meant to be a serious record to highlight the artistic credentials of an individual. In fact aside from the explicit lyrics I think this is like something you would find being written by incompetent children. The most enjoyable part of the song for me is the lengthy silence at the beginning, as it all goes downhill rapidly after that. I take it the 'M.A.' in this man's name does not stand for 'Master of Arts', because there's no artistic integrity on display here. Shameful.


#2 Rae Sremmurd - Over Here

Now wait just a minute. You were thinking rap music couldn't get any worse than the previous entry, but somehow there was something even worse released this year. Scary, I know. You must have forgot that perennial shitlords Rae Sremmurd were still around, still releasing music so bad that even their mothers must have disowned them. Rae Sremmurd are making improvements however. For starters they're only one place down from their triumph of winning my 'worst song on 2014', and even managed to equal their prestigious second place on last year's list. This year it was the crack cocaine that once again showcased just have appalling this duo are, at least I assume a lot of crack must have been taken before this song was shat onto a drawing board. Crack apparently makes any artist lose talent, and when it's Rae Sremmurd in question there isn't much to take away in the first place, so I think you can already imagine how bad this is. You're still wrong by the way; this is more hideous than you could ever possibly envision.

Rae Sremmurd's voices are torturous to listen too. I would rather be waterboarded than be read a bed time story by these imbeciles. The woeful beat doesn't help, but fuck me this is the worst vocal performance of the century. There's no flow, they're not even in tune. I mean come on, this is just the fucking basics guys. This song is worse than horrific, this is enough to scar people for life. I can only assume Rae Sremmurd's record label don't have any quality control, because this release barely passes as music. I guess I also have to talk about the lyrics, so here's a quick sample for you:

I fucked your girl last night

And my niggas fucked her this mornin'

Charlie Sheen is my clone, can they fuck with us? No

Red carpet my home, VIP is my throne

Take me out of my zone I'ma take your ho

Fucking disgusting. I'm not sure what the rhyming scheme is supposed to be, because nothing fucking rhymes, but this random bollocks is the style repeated throughout the whole song. It doesn't even make any sense. What the fuck has Charlie Sheen being your clone got to do with fucking your mates girl? I wouldn't expect this kind of immaturity from teenage boys, yet here are Rae Sremmurd being allowed to release this shit to the mass market. That's all I have to say about this one. I'm done trying to analyse the pathetic quality of Rae Sremmurd because they just infuriate me now. Just die already.


#1 Meghan Trainor - Me Too

Meghan Trainor has undoubtedly been the worst artist of 2016 by a million country miles. She is the perfect representation of the monster that has haunted this year, refusing to die and instead unleashing upon the world her mix of abysmal music. I thought she was bad in previous years, but fuck me this is on a whole new level. I'm trying to think of the last atrocity this big that was ever forced onto humanity, but I'm really struggling. In a year that contained such appalling music, this was the pile of steaming shit that stood head and shoulders above the rest. Her earlier song 'No' served as a warm-up in displaying just how bad the art form of music could ever get. 'No' is less of a song and more a patronising speech that only serves to highlight how much of a fucking bitch Trainor is, which is the same vile attitude we ended up seeing cranked up to the next level in 'Me Too'. At least 'No' had some vague structure, whilst 'Me Too' has so much pointless stuff going on that's it impossible to listen too without feeling a growing sense of rage with every line. None of this random background noise actually accompanies the fucking song either, so the results are fucking shit. The chorus, or lack of one, is the worst though. Who's the penis that decided Trainor's pig ugly personality and voice should stand out over a fucking atrocious bass line and a beat that decides to show up whenever the hell it feels like it? A fucking moron that's who.

But worst of all is Meghan Trainor herself. What a scummy human being she proves herself to be here. This is not a song about self empowerment at any stage, rather a song were Trainor actually berates the audience because they're not her in one of the most condescending and infuriating lines of all time. Fuck off you obnoxious cow. How can you honestly sit there and lecture me on how great you are when you produce this worthless bollocks? Surely you realise how fucking arrogant and patronising this song is for listeners, but you're so far up your own ass you couldn't even give a fuck. Why people brought a song that verbally attacks them is beyond me, but then you would have to be a braindead retard to like Meghan Trainor as an artist. You just can't defend a song that's artificial crap every step of the way. Not a shred of integrity or merit, but charisma desperately forced into a song with the care of a man trying to smear a pile of shit onto his own gaping wound. The funny thing is that the original video was removed from YouTube due to excessive manipulation of Trainor's body. I would have personally removed it from YouTube as it's cancerous to your ears, but I'm sure the real reason is that content guidelines object to shit spewing out of someone's mouth. I don't know if anyone still remembers her 'unattractive bodies are beautiful' message a few years back, but it turns out that was a phase to sell records from this hypocritical bitch. Funnily enough Trainor is as bad, if not worse, than the majority of 'sexed up' artists. At least the majority of 'sexed up' artists would stick clear of abysmal records like this one. Get in the fucking bin.

Movie Rant: Blackfish

When the film 'Blackfish' was released back in 2013 it instantly became something of a gateway drug into the camp of stereotypical animal welfare campaigners. It's easy to see why so many people were sucked into a downright disturbing documentary that does well to highlight the singular issue of killer whales in captivity, using methods that appealed to a broad audience; and to that extent we have to applaud the achievements and widespread appeal of this film. However that love of being shocking and widely accessible for effect is ultimately this film's downfall in terms of credibility. This, like many animal rights documentaries I've come across, is a plague on the often sophisticated and well informed serious documentary genre. The sole composition of 'Blackfish' is a one sided narrative that exploits the emotions of viewers to buy into a singular cause that is in no way presented accurately by this film. As a student in this field I would like to say that I'm not in direct conflict with the primary issue that 'Blackfish' aims to highlight, rather the narrative based brainwashing that clouds over a very controversial issue. Both myself and this film share a dislike of seeing animals used solely for entertainment purposes, which is why I find it all the more inexcusable that the approach a documentary takes on this subject revolves around feelings rather than facts.

The portrayal of killer whales in this film is odd, and more resembles the dramatisation of a fictional character. One minute these marine mammals are portrayed as beautiful creatures that have zero killer instincts towards humans in a natural environment despite being apex predators, but suddenly when they're confined they become these cold-hearted ruthless killers hellbent on maiming those in contact with them. The film tried its best to portray certain trainer deaths as senseless aggression from the orcas, but unfortunately never got round to making an informed judgement. The only explanation the viewer ever came across of this unbelievable change in behaviour can essentially be paraphrased by the expression 'muh captivity'. There wasn't any evidence to back this wild claim up, but then it's not like evidence is important in making a formal argument is it?

Irritatingly 'Blackfish' never actually pegs onto the idea that orcas might only be killing a few people in public aquaria because that's the only time orcas are in close proximity with humans, and so the only time there's ever going to be any conflicts between the two species. Even though there is evidence that in the wild orcas have displayed aggressive behaviour towards humans, the film still thinks it's necessary to constantly shoved down our throats the misleading statistic that orcas have never killed anyone in the wild. Let's not forget that killer whales are an apex predator that can happily tackle sharks and larger whales, so just because they haven't killed anyone in the wild doesn't mean they don't have the potential to. A correlation is not automatically a causation; a phrase that unfortunately wasn't repeated enough to those involved in making 'Blackfish'. Maybe captivity does change the behaviour of orcas and makes them more aggressive, however I'm not aware of anyone on the planet who has solid evidence that this is the case. To simply generalise the behaviour of a whole species, irrespective of their background, from the case study of a single whale is highly unreliable evidence. When you consider how this film goes about presenting evidence it becomes instantly clear that this is not an objective documentary by any stretch of the imagination.

Aside from the appalling lack of evidence there is a noticeable absence of explanations in any form throughout the film. The core argument this film is based around relies on the huge assumption that captive killer whales would benefit from freedom, a human based emotion. Applying this logic to a vastly different species with millions upon millions of years since their last common ancestor is anthropomorphising to say the least. The film knows this as well, and so instead of insightful comments from seasoned experts there is a focus on opinions from former employees of 'SeaWorld' and animal rights activists, who rely on subjective comparative techniques to convey scientific messages, simply conforming to the film's narrative rather than analytically addressing the issue. In fact 'SeaWorld' themselves have actually highlighted the lack of expertise and experience of the 'Blackfish' cast; that's a fair criticism, and a factor that often goes amiss in discussions surrounding this issue. The facts are that there is still no clear evidence that captivity has a profoundly negative effect on the mental wellbeing of orcas, which may be because there is a lack of research on the area, but that doesn't stop this film from parading that notion around like it's an obvious fact. This is a serious issue and so uninformed hypothesises should have no place in a factual documentary posing as a scientific debate.

The thing that really grinds my gears with 'Blackfish' however is the attitude this film has towards the consumers that pay money in order to see killer whales. I'm sorry these normal people who perhaps don't realise there is a serious debate surrounding the issue are desperate to see an animal as amazing as a killer whale in person. I have absolutely nothing against trying to persuade these people against funding killer whales in captivity, but to then demonise enthusiastic tourists trying to see these animals from their own perspective simply because they haven't watched some one sided slander is absolutely disgusting behaviour. How fucking dare you judge people who would rather see a killer whale in captivity rather than shell out thousands of pounds with the vague hope of seeing one in the wild. Since when has it been acceptable for a misleading documentary to take the moral high ground?

This love of taking the moral high ground is apparent with every thinly veiled accusation this film can muster. 'Blackfish' has the audacity to expose 'SeaWorld' for lying to consumers by lying to consumers. I'll admit that 'SeaWorld' are hardly my favourite organisation, but this is the very definition of hypocrisy. Just one questionable behaviour from an organisation is enough to shun a varied animal care programme in the eyes of this film. Of course it doesn't matter that boycotting 'SeaWorld' would eradicate rehabilitation programmes, and presumably leave the other animals in their care without a home, because the real evil in this system is the captivity of a few individuals. 'Blackfish' however doesn't actually bother discussing solutions, because its narrative would rather ignore the fact that you absolutely cannot just release long term captive animals back into their natural environment due to the dire and unpredictable effect that would have on the gene pool. Funnily enough 'Blackfish' never even mentions previous reintroductions of captive killer whales into the wild, which may have something to do with the fact that previous schemes to free these animals have been anything but successful. In my funny little world I would have thought that would be a very fucking important point to mention.

Emotion unfortunately is more powerful in a documentary than factual and balanced arguments. There is however a fine line between a biased documentary and pure propaganda that intentionally misleads the viewer at every available opportunity despite appearing to be purely factual. As a documentary maker you have a moral responsibility to portray a compelling argument that doesn't mislead or flat out lie to the audience when pushing an agenda. Obviously there is always going to be a bias in any documentary, but documentaries are an art form just like any other film, and so this sort of underhanded tactic devalues the whole genre and reduces the integrity of truly factual films as a source of information. 'Blackfish' contains zero elements of a great documentary. Any film can invoke an emotional response from the audience, but in a documentary there should be a debate, there should be insightful points backed up by solid evidence, and there certainly shouldn't be a narrative formed around lies and misleading the viewer. Why the hell 'Blackfish' feels the need to take the moral high ground in all its arguments is another question, because in reality it follows the reprehensible system of lying to people who were previously unaware of this issue. 'Blackfish' is purely a propaganda piece that fuels an anti-captivity movement despite providing a lack of any concrete evidence as to why captivity is inherently bad, only succeeding in exploiting rare deaths for purely emotional purposes, manipulating people's existence to misrepresent a very complex issue. In a film that preaches moral duty there is an alarming absence of integrity in this irresponsible and slanderous ploy; and yet it's a ploy that activists will blindly follow thanks to the immoral attitude of this so called 'documentary'.

A Hugh Mungus Response

Because this blog has yet to jump on the 'Hugh Mungus' bandwagon I thought I'd give a retrospective overview on this whole debacle. If you're not aware of what the 'Hugh Mungus' incident is then a quick internet search will quickly find you a woman screaming at various men because of a completely harmless joke. Of course being a radical feminist this woman decided that even though she was clearly the aggressor in this situation she would still play the victim with a series of videos. I think you can see where this is headed.

Fuck me is this a depressing video. The music is like something out of a morbid charity appeal, the half assed acting makes low rent pornos look like Academy Award candidates, and the editing in this is shocking. For some reason this woman thought that weird close-ups of people allergic to shaving passed as a good quality video, when in reality this shoddy production makes my presentation skills seem almost meritable. Is this type of video really what the world of activism has become? I've seen many shit YouTube videos over the years, so I honestly wouldn't have given a shit about this disaster if it hadn't of been for the ridiculous content. In what must be shock of the century a viral video from a feminist contains misleading and rarely sourced evidence, mostly based around unreliable internet sites that are then applied to the real life personalities of any man. It's amazing how often this one sided debate switches from anecdotal evidence and personal feelings to a general argument, which apparently is impossible to invalidate because I'm part of a mystical power structure that for some reason cannot be objectively correct. Say for example I actually bothered to look up some statistics, which this woman strategically forgot to source, and found that they're not consistent. Well unfortunately that wouldn't be a valid line of reasoning because of the skin colour I was mistakenly born with. It's a shame that this woman cannot understand logical reasoning, because then she wouldn't make the mistake of glossing over such critical information as the fact that her sources vary from widely different areas. Cherry-picking information if it conforms to your narrative is certainly not the way to prove that there is a universal patriarchy oppressing you.

Aside from the pathetic argument presented in this video there is also the complete denial of this moron. There's a fucking good reason why people have been calling you an angry woman. No, it has nothing to do with sexism, rather the matter that you're a grade-A cunt who verbally harassed a harmless man. You're mistaking sexism for people not liking you. But no, according to this woman's fucked up brain I'm still the antagonist in this scenario for simply existing. Everyone from Abraham Lincoln, who helped end slavery in the US, to the white homeless man in the street is still a vile racist with more privilege over this woman, not because of their actions, but because of how they were born. Nothing unreasonable there. Also the evidence for racial inequality comes from prison populations. Since when have criminals, who you have absolutely no evidence have been falsely imprisoned, been a general trend in a population. And for that matter, how the fuck can you sit there and dictate that men are privileged when more men go to prison? The worst part is that all these bullshit accusations arise from a singular incident in which funnily enough the authorities didn't side with the person screaming false accusations. I can assure you a female officer would also understand that as they also have to follow the letter of the law, and not the bat shit code you live by. Essentially the whole argument comes down to this circular logic where a woman is having a go at the patriarchy for attacking people, when that's exactly her method of argument. Well, attacking people and making stupid videos with disabled comment sections to prevent any form of discussion. But to be fair to Zarna this video does have some damn hilarious lines. My personal favourite was discovering that it's not okay to make dick jokes because men historically stoned and executed women. Ha, that's like comparing apples to fucking planets. I for one can take a dick joke despite my ancestors being raped and pillaged by Vikings. Funny how that works.

I don't know why I was expecting this warped logic to improve in the second video, but it certainly fucking hasn't. Apparently denying that this lady was sexually assaulted, which she clearly fucking wasn't, means that I would have to admit that I've been sexually harassing women by merely existing. I don't quite know how denying a self depreciating joke about someone else's weight being sexual harassment leads to me, a virgin, sexually assaulting all women, but for some reason that makes sense in this woman's mind. This video refers back to the original situation, which once again is pinned on 'Hugh Mungus', who was apparently hostile in this situation, and not the woman shouting abuse. I'm not sure how this woman can them claim to be fighting safety, because she needs to take a hard look at herself if she thinks her actions are creating a safe environment.

In this video it becomes abundantly clear that this women cannot comprehend that there might be an alternative opinion. Anyone who does have an alternative argument is either branded a sexist, or accused of being indoctrinated by the patriarchy, presuming of course they have the right skin colour to blame. And if you disagree with Zarna, well that doesn't matter because sure enough this bitch will find a way to make you more privileged than herself, and so whatever you say cannot possibly be correct. Even as a loony conspiracy theory this is just so absurdly weak. Only absolute morons could ignore the catastrophic number of logical fallacies in this argument. The award for warped logic in this video could have gone to almost any point made, but my favourite is that apparently because most cops are ex-military, and rape is a big issue in the military, that means all cops must be rapists. I wonder if Zarna has intelligently noticed that bananas can sometimes appear to be green, which indicates they are unripened. Therefore Zarna would conclude that all bananas are unripened; even the yellow ones that clearly aren't unripened, because she's that fucking stupid. Zarna of course doesn't need logic for her argument though; all the evidence she needs is just an appeal to emotion.

You can probably predict what my criticisms are going to be for this one. Although there was another indication of retardation I spotted: In the intro there's an idiotic trigger warning to warn people that there will be mentions of various serious themes. What Zarna has done here is warned people that some things will be mentioned by mentioning them. It's this sort of shit that makes me hate this video for how condescending it is towards me. Thank you for speaking to me like a child lady who can't construct a formal argument.

As for the third video's content, well that's just a fucking joke. The 'that's sexual harassment' line I can only assume is in this video for comic effect, because it is absolutely brilliantly used as a comedic device, turning any fucking comment ever into sexual harassment based laughter. You name it, everything according to Zarna is sexual harassment. Jokes that aren't even sexual in nature, acting out of common courtesy; they're all sexual harassment. Even commenting on a random woman is sexual harassment, as well as making comments you wouldn't make to your parents. This makes perfect sense as I would absolutely never tell my parents how much I drink, so naturally I would never tell any woman how much I drink because obviously she's going to perceive that as sexual harassment. Maybe that's why these rapes never get reported because Zarna here is so hellbent on telling everyone that taboo topics spoken to random strangers is sexual harassment. Even simply believing the man in any scenario is apparently behaviour to be scorned at, as is expecting women to be nice to me, which isn't common courtesy as I assumed and actually a privilege I obtained from being born white. I don't know how any relationships form in Zarna's dystopian world, because even if I accidentally look at or breathe near a woman without consent I'm fucking harassing her. All the evidence we need as to why this clearly isn't the definition of sexual harassment is by the fact that Zarna has disabled the 'like/dislike bar'. And yes I can say that's the wrong definition of 'sexual harassment' as a white man because unfortunately definitions are a consensus of etymology that aren't determined by individuals. You can see the results of when an individual decides to devalue the English language by creating their own definitions in this fascicle video. And just to conclude this nonsense I'd just like to say that I have infected diarrhoea. And saying that is sexual harassment.

Oh good, we've moved onto more uplifting, but still very much out of place, ethnic pan pipe music. Smashing. The positive change in music for this video means my opinions of these videos have actually surpassed my opinions of Zarna herself, but then they both have the same likeability as ovarian cancer so that's hardly an achievement. I honestly couldn't give a flying fuck about critically analysing this video because I'm starting to sound like a broken record. The only difference in this final instalment is that it's like watching propaganda from an occultist. And fuck me this is dull. This video is just a cocktail of shit from the last three blended together. The points raised around really serious issues are so fucking trivial, and it's 19 fucking minutes of jack shit that doesn't contain a single piece of valuable information. If there was ever an advert on why Zarna needs to fuck off then this is the one. The final straw is when you discover that this woman set up a charity page for HER OWN WELLBEING. What a selfish cow. I wouldn't expect that sort of behaviour from a spoilt child, yet this entitled bitch thinks she deserves money for shouting at people. Just fuck off. How can any human being be this fucking deluded? This imbecile is on another fucking planet. She needs to be sectioned, not given money for no reason. I honestly give up; there's no use trying to reason with ignorant people like this.