Thursday 20 November 2014

Top 10 Video Game Sidekicks

The face of the video game is usually where all the money lies, and so the role of a video game sidekick is often forgotten. So here is my ten favorite sidekicks who made the game that much more special, an ode to the often forgotten friends.

#10 Dog (Fable)

Best Outings: Fable 2 (8/10), Fable 3 (8/10)

The Fable dog supports the protagonist throughout the whole series and has become an often forgotten part of a good franchise. He's not just cute, he has the ability to find treasure and isn't too shabby in combat either. There are various other other dogs I could've chosen, but for me 'The Fable Dog' is much more useful, and a lot more personal than any other dog in video games. I don't think any other dogs can claim to have such an integral part in the storyline.

I also don't think that any other video game dog feels as personal as this one. You can name him, choose his breed, and even play games with him. He has so much more character than any other dog, and although he doesn't talk, he still feels like a worthy companion on your many epic quests. He's also immortal, which makes him very useful, and that's a very good trait to have as a sidekick.

#9 Diddy Kong (Donkey Kong)

Best Outings: Donkey Kong Country (7/10), Super Smash Bros. Brawl (10/10)

Poor Diddy Kong, forever living in the shadow of the much superior Donkey Kong. I don't know what relation they are, but an annoying and immature chimpanzee is never going to be anywhere near as good as a gigantic marauding gorilla. Diddy was first introduced in the decent 'Donkey Kong Country' games, in what may be the most pointless move of all time, not once did I ever think the legend that is Donkey Kong needed an apprentice, but he got one, and I guess he does his job. Diddy may be very annoying, but there's no denying he has a huge role in the franchise, and probably helped push the series into mainstream success.

Why it was so successful that Diddy Kong got his own spinoff, 'Diddy Kong Racing', and it was shit. It was a cheap knockoff game from a cheap knockoff character and so was obviously doomed to failure. But subsequent appearances in 'Super Smash Bros.' have secured the status of this anthropomorphic sidekick. Again, he might not be the best character in the game, but his inclusion is a welcome one. I suppose it's tough living under the shadow of your much better relative, especially as he's a legendary villain, but Diddy hasn't done badly when all thing are considered. The two make quite a pairing, and they complement each others styles perfectly to ensure that there games are a barrel of fun.

#8 Agro (Shadow of the Colossus)

Best Outings: Shadow of the Colossus (8/10)

The only thing to keep you company on your epic quest. She stays loyal through the worst times, and in a world where human interactions don't exist she becomes your most loyal companion. I will say that the game is overrated; it's good, but nothing special. It does get very lonely sometimes, and I will admit that although the colossi are mesmerizing and the score is exemplary, the most interesting part of the game comes from your relationship with the horse. On occasion it does get to the stage where you think they're going to do it. In fact bestiality would of been a brilliant subplot in this otherwise barren game.

Agro is also pretty damn important; she serves as your only mode of transport, and the game would be almost impossible without her. She also acts as at least some sort of companionship, the fact that there is at least one other living thing takes this game just above the suicide inducing mark, as at least the bond between a lonely man and a female horse is sweet, even if there isn't much as much sexual chemistry as I would have wanted. This is the reason I chose this horse over the equally notorious Epona from 'The Legend of Zelda'. I never felt those two had the same bond that this duo do. Link always seemed to use his horse as a tool, not treating it like a living thing. His horse doesn't sacrifice itself either, which would end up being one of gaming's most memorable moments. Just an epic demise, not a dry eye in the house. That's when you can tell a sidekick is important.
 
#7 Rush (Mega Man)

Best Outings: Mega Man 3 (8/10), Mega Man 6 (7/10)

This sidekick does almost everything when compared with the petty workload of the actual protagonist. It's most useful feature is the ability to fly, which is both awesome and incredibly useful, and without it Mega Man would have perished ages ago. He also has a knack of turning up whenever you need him, which has proven very useful in your various battles with the evil Dr. Wily. He's been your loyal companion since Mega Man 3, and has appeared constantly ever since. Throughout that long lifespan he's done pretty much everything; he's turned into a jet, a submarine, and even a spaceship on one occasion. All this from a remarkably well trained dog. He might even be better than Mega Man himself, but there's no arguing that they make quite an awesome team.

#6 Kazooie (Banjo & Kazooie)

Best Outings: Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts (8/10), Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge (8/10)

Named after what is now my new favorite adjective, and something I'll now use to chat up the ladies. 'Kazooie', yes he really is named after an annoying musical instrument, is most famous for accompanying cartoon bears through various mysteries, all from the safety of a backpack. It's not just any backpack, this is one pretty awesome backpack as it's where Kazooie actually lives; mine is nothing compared to that, and the sheer disappointment on my face when I realise that I don't have a wisecracking bird living in it either.

My favorite thing about Kazooie is that he has virtually no purpose apart from bullying your enemies, and sometimes even the protagonist himself. His brilliant chemistry with the protagonist makes the otherwise standard game about a million times better. Taken out of context he may look like an egomaniacal bellend, but when he owns a character with one of his many one liners you can't help but laugh out loud. And even after this small contribution he gets his name in the title. What a sneaky little bastard.

#5 Clank (Ratchet & Clank)

Best Outings: Ratchet & Clank (9/10), Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal (9/10) 

This character's real name is the much less catchy XJ-0461, and is a small sentry robot that accompanies his partner 'Ratchet' as they explore various cartoon worlds together. The first thing that strikes you about this sweet little robot is that he's very knowledgeable, and this is only multiplied by that smooth and orgasmic British accent of his. It's a perfect accompaniment to his enjoyable wit, and this contributes to a believable persona, even down to believing that he can calculate the final digit of pi, which is a ripping good laugh for the target audience.

I just want one, there's something so brilliant about him, something you can't quite put your finger on. You just get the feeling that if he were in your life he would improve it a million times. His character is just so unique that he does feel human, which is a remarkable achievement for a robot. And I'm sorry Ratchet, but this guy makes the game. He might not do as much, but you can't possibly beat that signature laugh and those kick-ass moves. This guy really was one of the many highlights of my childhood.

#4 Luigi (Mario)

Best Outings: Super Mario Bros. (9/10), Luigi's Mansion (8/10)

We all know Luigi as the twin brother of everyone's favorite Italian plumber, a role it seems he can never shake off. It seems to me that Luigi is a character that's been rather forgotten by the Mario franchise, always destined to have that 'player two' role that any video character would hate to have. He has had some good standalone titles as well. 'Luigi's Mansion' was an excellent game and should of started a series of Luigi based games. But again, it's sole purpose was to help Mario. It seems Luigi can't go on an adventure himself without being in the shadow of his brother. He may lack the charisma that Mario does, but I much prefer his crazy and obnoxious persona to that of his generic brother. I do believe that Luigi deserves a lot of fame. After all, he is a significant part of the biggest franchise in gaming. But his weird and unattractive profile have already cemented his status. He may be even more underrated than Waluigi, but I don't think that's possible. 

#3 Yoshi (Mario)

Best Outings: Super Mario World (8/10), Mario Kart DS (10/10)

What could possibly beat the twin brother of a legendary plumber. Oh yes, a rideable dinosaur. Yes that's correct, a dinosaur that you can actually ride. How fucking awesome is that. This green bastard debuted in the very well received 'Super Mario World', where he would stay forever. I should just repeat that as Mario you do get to ride him, which is every bit as fun as it sounds. How could I possibly rate a friendly dinosaur lower than a creepy twin brother? He may not be a character of high importance in the series, but as a sidekick he is so much more useful.

His ascendance through the ranks is also the stuff of legend. From a simple mode of transport he has become one of the most loved characters in the series, surpassing all the other various sidekicks Mario has selfishly used. Who can resist riding on a dinosaur and swallowing your enemies whole? When I was a kid eating enemies and shitting them out as eggs was the most mindblowing and brilliant thing I had ever seen. How can anyone not be excited by that? And how can can anyone not love Yoshi as a character?

#2 Cortana (Halo)
Best Outings: Halo 3 (8/10), Halo 4 (7/10)

At first glance Cortana seems to be a typical video game AI. After all, she's very intelligent and instructs you on every element of the game. She also goes through one of those 'AI gaining human qualities' storyline that's on page one in the book of sci-fi cliches. But once you scratch the surface you get a much more interesting character than the majority of characters that are actually living. And these traits have got her a very large fanbase. So large is her popularity that Microsoft have even named their new voice activated system after her. It seems her influence has grown so large that she is starting to affect the company in real life as well as in the various works of fiction she appears in. Cortana is voiced by the fantastic actor Jen Taylor, who really knows how to bring her characters to life, especially considering Cortana is both fictional and artificial.

As a sidekick Cortana is also incredibly useful. Her main role is everything really, and she will often do the things that a computer would otherwise do, just with a friendly personality. And no I'm not going to spend the next paragraph talking about how attractive I think she is. She's a robot, not even a real one. If you're a hairy forty year old virgin that's great, but I prefer to merit Cortana on her personal accolades, not physical ones. Although having said that her sexual chemistry with Master Chief is something that drives the earlier games forward. She got a bit menstrual in the fourth installment, but it doesn't stop the fact that this very humane performance makes her such a brilliant sidekick, as well as being the most useful on the list.
 
#1 Garrus Vakarian (Mass Effect)

Best Outings: Mass Effect 2 (10/10), Mass Effect 3 (10/10)

In my opinion this guy is possibly the greatest video game character of all time, he's just so awesome on every level. Garrus is a former Turian police officer who has helped Commander Shepard in the fight against the reapers in every single game of the trilogy, in fact he's only one of three characters in the game to have done that. In that time he has done pretty much everything there is to do. He's saved the galaxy on more than one occasion. He's survived a missile to the side of the face. And he's even survived a giant sentient machine landing on him. If that doesn't prove how awesome he is then I don't know what will.

I love the 'Mass Effect' universe, I think all the characters fit in together perfectly, and none more so than Vakarian. His unique yet believable character compliments your other squad mates brilliantly. He's almost the perfect sidekick, and when he's not hardscoping enemies from the other side of the planet he's cracking out one liners whilst recalibrating guns. The guy is quite simply a legend. His cold and calculated persona is both awesome and badass. he's always got an interesting anecdote to tell you, and best of all, he just seems like a nice guy; the sort of guy you would buy a pint for in the pub while you listen to his stories. I don't think any other sidekick oozes this much charisma, which is amazing for a character with an brutal and calm personality.

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