Top 10 Worst Songs of All Time

10 Worst Songs of All Time

I spend the majority of my time on the internet moaning about the current state of music, but I haven't yet presented my 10 least favorite songs of all time, until now. I have limited this list to one song per artist, as if not the majority of this list would be dominated by a selected few. I have also discounted any songs that weren't meant to be taken seriously, the songs on this list are legitimate songs that gained popularity with their stupid fanbases and somehow managed to chart well. Here are some awful songs that only just missed the cut:

Hole - Gold Dust Woman: I wish Courtney Love would learn to shut her massive mouth, all that ever comes out of it is crap, like this terrible cover of a Fleetwood Mac classic.
U2 - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band: Another person I wish would shut up is Bono, pretentious would be an understatement, he's just insufferable, like this version of how to ruin a timeless classic by The Beatles.
Celine Dion - The Power of Love: If anything was needed to sum up why Celine Dion is so bad then this song does it perfectly, once of course she stole it from someone else.
Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You: Oh look at my voice, look at my voice. A shitty song from a shitty film, no matter how hard you wail you can't save it.
Queen - We Will Rock You: I never thought I would see the day when a so called rock anthem needs audience participation in order to carry it, and you can even do this in a west end musical, who says rock and roll isn't dead.
Rizzle Kicks - Mama Do The Hump: No just fuck off. Intolerable, apparently this was humorous, let's
see how humorous it is when I carve out their skulls with a toothpick.

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair Back & Forth: Really, really annoying. Repeating the same pointless line countless times doesn't make a song, but I'll almost let her off for still being young and stupid.

#10 Madonna - American Pie (2000)

It's amazing to think that this is only number 10, as this is a fucking joke. The original song is one of my favorites of all time, 8 minutes of brilliant songwriting and brilliantly paced storytelling told from the heart of a brilliant performer that captures the feelings of a Don Mclean to a fantastic rock soundtrack and an expertly paced song, it is an all time classic. So if you're Madonna, a lucky karaoke singer with more money than sense, and choose to cover it, why would completely change it?

The effects are unbelievable, she cuts the song in half and puts a crappy, unnecessary dance track in the background that sounds absolutely ridiculous. I also have a problem with the fact that she cut the song, she certainly made sure there was still the good pacing, but she decides to cut out the section of the song which introduces the theme that the whole song branches off from, that is the day the music died, no sense of irony there, and she completely misses it out. This makes the song completely pointless as she's effectively singing about nothing. It's not as if her singing is any good, she absolutely tortures the vocals, and what was once a heartfelt ballad has now been reduced to a dull, autotuned mess, thank god it's only 4 minutes and not the original 8. Buddy Holly must be turning in his grave.

#9 Pink - So What (2008)

For some reason Pink believes she is some sort of rock star. I don't think so, especially when the next minute you want me to relate to your touching an inspirational lyrics, some fucking rock star that is. First we get this bullshit so called rock song that sounds so artificial and simple that it barely passes for a pop song, and then we get some so called inspirational and empowering lyrics. Here are some lines from the chorus:

So, so what
I'm still a rock star,
I got my rock moves,

No, you're not a rock star, and you never have been, you have zero rock moves and you trying to convince yourself you are is like a child trying to convince himself he isn't scared of the dark by repeatedly saying it over and over again. I mean let's have a look at what rock and roll things she does in the music video. She is shown streaking on a red carpet and cutting down a tree, wow someone contain her, we've got a fucking rebel on our hands here, at one point she even rides a lawnmower whilst drinking, oh that will tell Thatcher. Oh you could severely damage the blades of the lawnmower with that reckless activity, lock her up. In short I'm just pissed off with this tirade Pink has been shoving down my throat, and the sooner she cans the act the better, it still won't avenge this pile of crap though.

#8 Beyonce - Run The World (2011)

Now let me educate Beyonce, as obviously nobody else has. This song should be called 'Girls Run A Small Minority of The World'. This is because only 17 countries are run by women, and only 3 of these can be considered influential, and only one is a member of the G8. There are 193 members of the UN which means that women run 11% of the world, that's if all countries had the same power. This is nowhere near Beyonce's claim, that makes this song pretty pointless. I'm also pretty sick of this empowering women bollocks that for some reason Beyonce feels she needs to do, which I wish she wouldn't as when she does she just preaches bollocks. Call me a misogynist but sometimes the truth hurts, the day humanity comes to realise they're nothing special is the day we can get rid of this crap.

Like Single Ladies, which could of also appeared on this list, this song suffers from the same cardinal sins. It has a horrible beat that was apparently recycled from another crappy rap track with the occasional annoying grunt from Beyonce. The lyrics are also dreadful, misleading and repetitive, it seems scarcely believable that it took 6 writers to come up with the endless repeats of the same fucking message. This doesn't really say much for women when you can't even come up with repeating the same sentence over and over again on your own. At the end of the day I don't care if Beyonce has these feelings, but I do not appreciate it being shoved down my throat, even Pink didn't stoop to that low, and for that this song pisses me right off, at least misogyny produces good songs, unlike this pile of shit.

#7 Nickelback - Rockstar (2006)

Just for the record I didn't pick this song because everybody loves to hate on Nickelback, including myself, but I chose this because it's a fucking terrible song. The first thing I don't get is the premise, Nickelback say they want to be rockstars, which they already are, they say they want all these things when in reality they could just go out and buy them. I don't know if this was meant to be some sort of joke, and if it was then nobody gets it, but this attempt at irony is pathetic and makes me angry before the song even starts.

The second deadly sin comes from the diabolical lyrics, they sound like a spoiled child. I want this impractical thing followed by this, and this. Some of the items he asks for aren't even rock and roll, hanging out in cool bars and meeting VIP stars isn't particularly rock and roll, but then why would Nickelback understand that. The third sin comes from the music video. Now I don't mind if you want to ruin rock and roll by yourselves, but don't drag other people into it. The list of people included in this song, who are childhood legends in my eyes, is catastrophic. Gene Simmons, Wayne Gretzky, ZZ Top. Not sure why Wayne Gretzky is in it, he knows about putting pucks in the back of the net, but he has limited experience of being a rock star, although he was a bit of a playboy, more than Nickelback ever will be anyway.

There are many other sins that plague this song, such as the half assed soundtrack and themes that to me seem like a blatant rip off of Money For Nothing, and let's face it that has a killer riff, this doesn't. This is just terrible and seems to become everything it wants to mock in the first place.

#6 Aerosmith - Dude Looks Like A Lady (1987)

I hate Aerosmith, no I really do they're just awful, as a fan of classic rock I just find their contributions dreadful, and this is their magnum opus of crap. The song apparently came from their encounter with the Motley Crue, who let's face it can at least insult people, and produce a decent song. This is such a pathetic excuse for a song, I thought this sort of crap only happened in rap or pop culture, it's fucking ridiculous, It's not even a good insult, I stopped hearing this insult when I was about five because people fucking grew up, it seems Aerosmith are still five, which shows as they had to be carried through a rock song by a rap group and have a total number of good songs at zero. This song is just a case of children throwing their toys out of their pram.

The song is absolutely woeful and contains one of the most annoying choruses in history, everything else is just the usual Aerosmith crap, but they really went to town on that hook. The lyrics are also terrible, and borderline offensive as well. But what really hurts about this pathetic wining, it actually got recognition. This pile of shit got an MTV Music Award for what was in my opinion an offensive video, pretty much mocking transvestites. Not that MTV awards mean anything, they gave their award to Guns 'n' Twats for a bog standard black and white concert video featuring a massive twat doing his 'oh look at me, I'm a massive bellend' dance moves, for the barely passable Sweet Child Of Mine, when Metallica produced in my opinion the greatest music video of all time for One, because for once a music video exists that actually carried a brilliant story that connected with the song. Anyway, besides that this song is an insult to hard rock.

#5 Guns 'n' Roses - Sympathy For The Devil (1994)

As you've probably worked out by now I really don't like cover songs, they lack creativity and there is a fine line between using a song as a base to work on and just stealing it, this is the later. To be honest this isn't the worst cover in the world, there are much worse to come, but this song fails mainly for two reasons. The first is how bad it is compared to the original, The Rolling Stones original version had excellent pacing and Mick Jagger's vocals provided an excellent instrument for the lyrics. Guns 'n' Twats didn't quite understand this and so basically just made a stereotypical dull heavy metal take on it that first of all ruins any sense of genre and also makes everything else seem out of place. However the second, and much bigger reason, is how much of a monumental twat Axl Rose is, his wining voice absolutely murders this, it is quite scary when you compare his vocals to Mick Jagger. But then what would you expect from the most overrated band in history. To quote Frankie Boyle "Guns 'n' Roses fans, people I would happily leave in a burning building to save a pig". Speaking of bad covers:

#4 One Direction - One Way Or Another (Teenage Kicks) (2013)

Oh but this isn't just one cover, oh no it's two songs crammed into one, yes that's two not even similar songs, and songs that are about as anti boy band as you can get, they may as well have covered Cattle Decapitation. I should also mention that this song was released for charity, so no artificial and sympathetic praise are going to arise from this, it's just a pathetic attempt to get people to like them and is on the same level as blackmail. Oh look we're playing with underprivileged kids, just fuck off and give them the money.

Now the first song they steal is One Way or Another, a Blondie classic. Why they chose this is unbelievable as the song is certainly about stalking, no two ways about it, why you would release that as a charity single is beyond me. However what is even more unbelievable is that you steal 2 for the price of 1, but steal something completely different. Teenage Kicks is one of my favorite songs of all time, just the simple nature of it makes it such a great song, it is however undeniably a punk song, the antithesis of One Direction who are annoying, immature and irritating little twats who think stealing people's work and getting paid for it is a good and creative thing to do. These two songs should never be put together, and the results show why, a terrible bridge tries to separate them but it just doesn't work on any level, because One Direction are a crappy boy band, that have absolutely no chance of ever pulling this off in a million years. But how do they get rewarded, oh yes, a BRIT nomination. I just give up, no wonder our society is screwed, we're encouraging people to steal.

#3 Bloc Party - Ratchet (2013)

I just want you to bear in mind that Bloc Party are a rock band, what a fucking joke, it's like pouring shit in your ears. First of all it doesn't make any sense. A ratchet is a mechanical device that allows continuous movement in a linear direction, that has nothing to do with anything in this song making it already completely pointless, you can't just make up words and put them into a songs that are supposed to have a meaning, what the hell does 'get ratchet' even mean. The one thing I will give this song is that it is completely different to any other rock song I've heard before, not that that's good, it sounds like utter shit with a horrible and generic 'wub wub' sound in the background and the lack of anything that makes a rock song, if I had to categorise it I would have to create a new genre, something along the lines of 'fake rock shit'.

But the worst problem by far is the insufferable vocals, they are just intolerable. They are so bad that I quickly forget about the terrible beat and terrible lyrics because I can't hear them when my hands are over my ears. How this group are considered a band is beyond me, zero chemistry and the songwriting ability of a ladder. If this is the future of rock music then I can't wait for the apocalypse.


#2 Will.I.Am - Scream And Shout (2012)

Hooray it's my favorite artist of all time, William, who can't even spell his own name yet alone write a pop song, and my god when he does we end up with this crap. This song is just really fucking annoying, it seems to be a combination of generic dance beat and every insufferable and autotuned noise William could think of. It's not as if Britney Spears gives us any solace either, she just looks like she's there for her paycheck and adds absolutely nothing to the song apart from autotuned garbage and washed up celebrity eye candy.

The lyrics are the usual cocktail of crap we get from William, and it's really fucking repetitive. I would also like to remind William, and every other autotuned bullshit artist, that they don't 'rock' in any way. Getting other people to write your songs and then horrendously auto-tuning it to the point where you sound like a robot having an orgasm isn't rock and roll, and you never will be. Basically this song is just really annoying and really artificial. A bit like Amanda Holden.

#1 Nicki Minaj - Stupid Hoe (2012)

So this is it, the worst song of all time. Once you've given it a listen you can understand why, annoying would be an understatement. I believe it was the you-tuber who commented "kill it before it lays eggs" that summed it up best, this song is just insufferable. Nicki Minaj, who makes me feel the need to wear a hazmat suite every time I look at her so I don't catch slut, thinks that she has the right to take the piss out of Lil Kim in some pathetic rivalry over who is the biggest whore. To be honest I don't care what it's about when the song is as painful to listen to as this, it must be the only song i get violent over when i hear it. Nicki's voice is intolerable and she just keeps on finding new ways to make the song even worse.

It's not even a good hate song. Like in the case of Aerosmith the insults are pathetic and the lyrics are just horrendous, let's have a look at this wordsmith in action:

Cause I pull up and I'm stuntin' but I ain't a stuntman
Yes I'm rockin' Jordans but I ain't a jumpman
Bitches play the back cause they know I'm the front man

Yes that's right, she rhymes the word man with itself 3 times in a row, fucking excellent, even William isn't that brain dead, and then it gets better, look what she rhymes man with:

Put me on the dollar cause I'm who they trust in

In. Nice try but not even close, genuinely unbelievable how someone can be this stupid. The rest of the lyrics are just stupid bigotry that is mostly bullshit or confusing bollocks that has no meaning at all. Then there's the hook, oh god no, I just can't take it anymore. You can see my reaction video to this song below, if your face doesn't do the same during the chorus then you're twice the man that I am, nobody can sit through that song without committing suicide. It is undoubtedly the worst song of all time by an absolute mile.